A Lovely Life

Chapter 18: All Hope Dies

Tuesday of the week after I decided to go to Drama Club to try, and hang out with Xander, but he wasn't there. I ditched Josie to see a straight boy, and the only thing I accomplished was to get my feelings hurt again. I texted Josie, and told her I was not going to keep going to Drama Club anymore, and that I was only going to be in Creative Writing Club. She was happy to hang out more often, and told me she wanted to go to the mall, and check out guys. I was thrilled since that was what I've wanted, someone who wouldn't judge me for having crushes on half the world, someone I could talk to about boys just for fun. I mean after all I was only going to talk about them, say they were physically appealing. But I didn't want her to try and find me a date because there was only one person I wanted, and I only wanted to talk about guys to distract me from my actual feelings.

Tuesday night Aiden added me on Facebook. The first thing I saw was a picture of him, and his girlfriend. I was mad I had to look at Aiden's girlfriend every time he posted something online.

The next morning.

"What's wrong?" Celia asked. A friend of Henry's who's been hanging out with us since she broke up with one of Kyle's friends. I never pictured Henry being friends with her because they had different personalities. She was more outgoing, and upfront about things, but they were friends.

"I'm fine." I said.

"You need a hug?" She asked.

"No. I'm..." But before I could finish my sentence Henry hugged me. For a second everything was right in the universe, and there was no other place I wanted to be other than in his arms. I shook him off because I was afraid of my feelings, and I did not want to get hurt. I thought of that hug all day no matter how hard I try to forget. I did feel bad about pushing him away, but I was afraid developing any more feelings would end up hurting me more.

That night I was at home watching a horror show, when I got a text from Henry.

Hey did you know there is a GSA in our school? He asked.

Um yeah I heard of it.

Are you going

No. it's on Tuesday, and I have Creative Writing. If it was another day I really would.

I'm thinking about joining.

Oh that's cool. I guessed straight people were required for a gay-straight-alliance group.

I'm gay. He texted me. I stared at my phone for a second, was I reading it right? Was he making fun of me? I didn't know what to do so I said.

Yeah ok. Let me know how the club is. Was all I could text him. I was extremally nervous, and this was all I could come up.

Lol ok

Was the universe plotting something? planning on giving me everything I wanted? Was he really gay? Could we be a thing?

Friday after school I went to Henry's locker. Seth, and Celia were there having a conversation.

"So she doesn't believe you?" Seth asked.

"What happened?" I asked since I was late to the conversation.

"If he's here I'm leaving. See you in the car" Seth said. I wasn't sure why he hated me, but we couldn't be in the same room.

"This girl is obsessed with Henry, and she doesn't believe he's gay." Celia said. This was my chance to find out the truth.

"I don't believe him either." I said smiling. "My gaydar has never gone off.'' I said. Trying to make it into a joke, but I could see what I had done. I invalidated Henry's feelings, and what was worse, I had hurt him in a way I wasn't sure our friendship could recover from.