A Closed Window [An SVU Fan Fic]

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Olivia didn't sleep at all that night. All she could think about was how she'd never find anyone that loved her, how Trevor loved her. She tried her hardest to at least rest her eyes, but she found herself crying again.

"You look horrible." Elliot frowned when he saw his partner come into the squadroom.

"Thanks." Olivia grumbled. She walked over to her desk and slowly settled into her chair as she raked her fingers through her hair. She had barely enough energy to get Quintin off to school, let alone get herself to work.

"Did you tell Quintin yet?" Elliot asked, and Olivia shook her head.

"I don't have the heart to tell him yet. I really don't think that he'll care though. He hates his father."

"He will care, Liv. Even if he's upset with him right now, he's going to miss Trevor. A lot. I miss my father... but he's dead and Trevor isn't... I-"

"Thanks for trying to make me feel better. It didn't work, but you tried. And that is significantly more than Trevor has done in a while... the last thing he did for me was knock me up." Olivia grumbled.

///

The day went by slowly, which made it even harder for Olivia. She kept dozing off at her desk, but refused to go lay down everytime someone from the crew told her to lay down. By the end of the day, Olivia had fallen asleep at her desk and no one had the heart to wake her. So they left her to sleep there, while they went to get dinner. Elliot was going to bring her some after they finished, so then at least he knew she ate and also got a nap.

But Olivia didn't get to sleep more than an hour before someone shook her awake. She sat up slowly and stretched before wiping some drool from the corner of the mouth.

"Did I fall asleep, El?" Olivia yawned, before turning and seeing her soon to be ex-husband standing there.

"Why were you napping at your desk?" Trevor sighed softly.

"I don't know... why are you here?"

"I just got these. I was wondering what was happening..."

"What is happening? Those are the divorce papers. I didn't think you'd get them this soon... but I guess it was meant to happen." Olivia frowned.

"Does Quintin want to see me at all?" Trevor asked, and Olivia rolled her eyes as she moved her mouse around to wake up the monitor.

"Do you really care?" Olivia asked.

"I kinda do..."

"You told me that you didn't want anything to do with us. That no one would know that you had a family before, because they can't see it on you. It's different for me. I'm raising our two sons, while also growing two more babies... I really don't know why you are even asking about Quintin after the way you have treated him." Olivia huffed.

Trevor looked at Olivia for a moment before sitting on the edge of her desk.

"Don't make it seem like this is all my fault. You were shitty wife." Trevor spat.

"Get out of here." Some quickly ordered from behind them. Trevor looked away from Olivia before rolling his eyes.

"Back off, Stabler." Trevor grumbled.

"You aren't going to come around here to treat Olivia like shit! Get the hell out of here right now before I kick your ass!" Elliot yelled.

Trevor stood and crossed his arms before looking at Olivia.

"You are going to ruin all four of those fucking kids... and you can't blame that on me."

///

The divorce was final two weeks after the papers were served. It was quick because Trevor wanted a clean cut from his family, and that was exactly what he got. He started dating and trying to find the new 'one' for him.

Olivia focused on her children and her job. She tried her hardest to not let herself get down about everything was happening, but it was incredibly hard especially since she saw Trevor out on a date.

"How'd your appointment go today, Livvie?" Elliot asked, as Olivia came into the squadroom. She looked beyond exhausted, but everyone kinda expected that by now.

"It went fine." Olivia replied plainly.

"Did you find out the sex of the babies today?" Elliot asked, and Olivia nodded weakly.

"I did... but even if I know I should be celebrating... I don't feel excited at all." Olivia frowned.

"Hey... c'mon. Tell me." Elliot smiled, as he stood and moved to her.

"A boy and a girl... but neither of them will meet their father... because he doesn't love me anymore." Olivia started to sob. She reached out to Elliot, before being pulled into his arms. He held her close as she sobbed and clung to him.

"Liv, I am so sorry." Elliot whispered.

"Why are you sorry?! You aren't the one that hurt Trevor! You aren't the one that clearly didn't try hard enough to keep him happy! It's all my fault that my kids won't have a father!" Olivia screamed, as she stepped away from Elliot.

The rest of the squad turned to look at Olivia as their hearts broke for her. She had gone through hell the past few years, and it's like God has it out for her. First Trevor got sick, then Robbie was born with a heart condition, then Trevor got hurt and never managed to bond with their baby. The twins just added more fuel to the dumpster fire that was Olivia's life, and this unexpected pregnancy just causes Trevor to hate his ex wife even more.

"I know that it isn't my fault, but it wasn't yours either. Trevor is a piece of shit, and he brought this all on himself. Just remember that you are an amazing woman, mother, detective, and friend. If you never get married again, at least you have a family around you. You have me and my family... and look at this squad. They all love you, even when you don't love yourself." Elliot breathed, before pulling Olivia close and pressing a soft kiss to her forehead.

"I want to be happy, El... I love all four of my babies so much... but they probably won't love me. They lost their father because of me, and I will never be able to get him back for them."