A Closed Window [An SVU Fan Fic]

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Olivia tried to keep her head up, but it was hard because all she could think about was her ex husband. How he was living a completely different life, while she was still trying to figure out how to live her life now that it was completely missing a piece.

Everyone was worried about her, so Elliot decided it was time for Olivia to get out and enjoy herself. He got Maureen to watch Quintin and Robbie for the night, and he asked Olivia to join the crew, himself, and Kathy for the Mayor's Dinner. It was a huge affair where all the NYPD and different city officials got together and kissed their bosses' asses. Olivia usually refused to go, but Elliot and the rest of the crew wanted to get her out of her house and hopefully out of her head too.

"I feel so fucking fat." Olivia grumbled, as Elliot looped his arms through her arm and through Kathy's.

"You are carrying twins, honey." Kathy spoke softly as she glanced over at her friend. Olivia sighed as she looked down at her stomach before frowning.

"I feel like everyone is going to know... Trevor asked for my wedding band back." Olivia whispered as she stopped walking and turned to look at Elliot. They were both dressed in their uniforms, but Olivia's barely fit anymore. If this had been one week later, she never would have fit into it.

"Liv, no one is going to look to see if you are wearing your wedding band. And anyway, defense attorneys never show up here. He won't be here, so it doesn't matter." Elliot smiled softly, before reaching out and gently tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear.

"I don't wanna go in, El... please don't make me." Olivia whimpered, as tears welled in her eyes.

"Go in there with your head up and prove to everyone in there that you are still the badass detective that you have always been." Kathy smiled, before stepping towards Olivia and pulled her into a tight hug. They hugged for a few moments before they parted and Elliot looped his arms through theirs again.

"Alright, pretty ladies. Are you ready?" Elliot smiled.

"We are, aren't we?" Kathy asked Olivia, and Olivia nodded weakly before they headed inside.

///

They were greeted at the door by one of the mayor's aids, before being given their table number. Elliot helped Kathy and Olivia to weave through the groups before they managed to get to their table. It was close to the front, but also off to the side. Olivia swallowed hard as she counted the seats as they approached the table. There was one extra chair, where Trevor would have sat. But now he wouldn't be sitting there because he was probably sleeping with some random woman at this moment.

"Hey!" Cragen smiled, when he saw the two detectives that his table was missing.

"Hey, Captain." Elliot spoke, before moving over and pulling out a chair for Kathy. Once she was seated, he stood beside Olivia and saw that she had zoned out on the empty chair.

"Do you want me to sit next to you?" Fin offered, since Elliot didn't know what to say.

"N-no... it's okay. Um, I need to... uh, I'll be back." Olivia spoke, before quickly turning and trying to find some place to escape too. 

She found the bathroom and could barely get into a stall before starting to cry and panic. She quickly unbuttoned her jacket before feeling less restricted. Breathing was a little easier, but still not how it was supposed to be.

Olivia leaned against the wall as she dug her finger nails into the palms of her hands. She tried her hardest to not break down, but tonight was just too hard for her. The times that she had attended this dinner, Trevor was always there with her. He had been there when she was still getting sick while pregnant with Quintin, and he would hand her crackers and get her refills of ginger ale whenever she was starting to feel sick again.

But now she was alone.

"Liv?" Kathy asked softly, as she walked into the ladies room.

"I-i'm fine." Olivia whimpered, as she quickly brushed tears from her cheeks.

"No, you aren't. So do you want to talk?"

"Kath, how can I keep doing this? Because I can barely climb out of bed without wanting to cry." Olivia whimpered, as she opened the door to the stall before stepping out. Kathy got into her clutch before grabbing her handkerchief. She wiped Olivia's tears before smiling gently at her.

"You will continue to live because you have four babies that are relying on you. Quintin may be the tallest kid I know, but he's still just a little thing that needs you. You will figure out how to smile again. How to feel like yourself. It will take a bit, but you got it. Now, let's go out there and eat dinner. I bet that you three are starving." Kathy smiled gently, as she started to button Olivia's jacket up for her again.

"I'll be fine without a husband or boyfriend... right?" Olivia breathed.

"You don't need a man, Liv. Clearly they just drag you down." Kathy chuckled.

Kathy looped her arm around Olivia's waist before they walked from the bathroom.

They made it down the stairs and towards their table again. Kathy stopped for a moment to talk to one of her co-workers, so Olivia continued forward. She got to the stairs before stopping and swallowing hard when she saw Trevor at the bottom of the stairs with a red-headed family court lawyer on his arm.

They locked eyes for a moment, before they both looked away.

Olivia took slow breaths and hoped that those would stop her from crying and freaking out again, but instead she was focusing on breathing too much to forget about moving down the stairs. She stumbled and fell forward and right onto her stomach.

"Liv!" Elliot yelled, when he noticed his friend fall from the table. He ran to her side, but he wasn't the first to get to her.

Olivia rolled over slowly as she felt like getting sick, and she found Trevor kneeling down beside her. He gently placed his hands to her stomach before leaning close to her so he could hear her.

"We are going to get you help, Liv. I promise."