Silent Voice - Zelkpvp Novel

Chapter 35 Jacob

Jacob looked up at me, but then back down.

"I knew for the last month. But only now that announced that it was untreatable. It's awful. The cancer's spreading further. Her treatment isn't working. They said they might not fund a new treatment, and we might not be able to cover it ourselves. She's sick, in so much physical pain and growing increasingly depressed. And- and my sister is going through a divorce right now."

Tears formed in his eyes.

I squeezed his hand.

"And then memories. I just keep remembering and I can't block them out of my head. They are constantly following me."

I didn't know what to say or do.

Tears were now sliding Jacob's cheeks.

I wiped them away quietly.

He turned to me, coming out of his trance. 

"School was very hard for me, especially when I couldn't concentrate on it."

Jacob looked at me, his eyes blazing hard.

"Do you know why I can't listen to classical music? Because- because of the memories. It makes me very emotional. I start remembering and visualizing things. You might have noticed, I only listen to sad love music."

Mega nodded, interested, as he never knew this side of his friend.

"I loved. Okay? I loved for many years. And they never loved me back. At least that's what I thought. I cared too much. I convinced myself that they didn't love me. I never told them. They never knew, how much they were breaking me. They were friendly. Smiled at me, talked to me, but every time I saw them, it just broke my heart.

I stopped living. 

I had my own world, where I spent most of my time, overthinking, thinking what I did wrong that they didn't love me. 

Every night I cried myself to sleep.

Maybe I was wrong.

Maybe I should have told them.

But I convinced myself that they didn't care about me, so I told myself over and over that I hated them...

I started ignoring them, being cold towards them.

Every time I would see them, I turned away and kept repeating to myself that I hated them.

I don't think it ever worked.

I told myself that I hated them, but when I saw them the next time, my heart just melted.

My brain and mouth said that I never loved them, but my heart refused to believe that.

Hating was the only alternative to love.

It went on for years.

I couldn't properly function.

Life was like a terrible dream.

But then I met you, a highschool friend.

I started to forget all my troubles because I had you."

Mega was trying to find something in Jacob's eyes. Some life, some happiness. But they looked dead. Blackout dead. Darker than usual.

"You were worried about me more than about yourself," Mega said quietly.

Jacob just nodded silently.

Mega leaned in and gave Jacob a long, warm hug, squeezing him tight.

"I love you, Jacob."