505 days ~ irwin

451 days before

Brinley

I wish I had an explaination for this, I wish I could just dig into my pocket and answer all of lifes questions, but I can't. It sucks, but at the same time it's half the fun of the adventure. Answering life biggest and darkest secrets is the reason why we're here. We are meant to be here to give life a meaning, and adventure is the only way we can find it.

But I didn't have the will nor the drive to venture out and find the answer to the question that's been replaying in my head.

So instead I flooded my memory of flaskbacks and memories I've had over the course of the three years. Not just about Ashton, but about Luke as well. It's probably not a good thing to remember the bad, but I can't help it, we did have some good memories.

But with the good, comes the bad.

"Brin?" Calum says.

I shake my head to sort myself back into reality.

"Yeah, sorry." I stare at the wheel in front of me for a second I was confused where I was. "Let's go." I pull the car out of the garage and make my way into the highway where I could have a chance to speak with Calum properly.

"Where exactly are we headed?" I could tell he was a bit nervous, who wouldn't be when someone gives me the wheel of the car and a pack of cigarettes.

"I told you." I didn't tell him I'm just hoping he will play along and pretend I did.

"No, you didn't."

Rats.

"We're going to a party in the city."

"Why did you say that so casually, Brin? I look awful, you couldn't have told me sooner?" I was surprised he wasn't even worried about who's party it was, he was just concerned about his looks. Which he didn't even have to worry about because he was- well- he was Cal.

"I have your sweatshirt in the back, the black diamond one, and your flannel beside my football bag. Pick your choice or stay with the open knee jeans and muscle tee, Hood, because this jeep ain't going no where but the party." I honk the horn multiple times.

"And which party is this, exactly?" He reaches in the back and shuffles things around my messy car.

"Lukes." I barely say, hoping he wouldn't hear me.

"Lukes?"

Rats.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Why not?" I retaliate with unintended sass.

"Because you hate him, remember? You hate what he did to you, remember, Brin?" He spoke to me as though I was a five year old or a puppy dog.

"I know but I'm hoping I can speak to drunk Luke because when people are drunk they normally spill out some truth, so I figured since he will never tell me anything- nor even talk to me- I will just take advantage of the fact that he's having a party to see him."

"Ashton is going to skin you alive." Calum began to put on the red and black square flannel over his obey muscle tank.

"Yeah but he won't know, will he?" I take a left onto the next turn, hoping that I took the right directions.

"Oh but he will, he always does."

"Just don't tell him, alright?"

"Alright." He says.

"Now get me a cigarette please, before I crash this very nice car." I reach my hand out while Cal searches through the pockets of my purse.

"Ever thought of quitting?" He says as he lights the end of my cig.

I have to take the object from my mouth because I laughed so hard. "Funny. You don't know how much times I've heard that one."

"We have to come back before the sun come up, I have football in the afternoon and my coach would kill me if I was hungover." He rolls down the window and takes a deep breath of the fresh air before putting his head back in the car.

"You're such a dork, Thomas Hood."

Calum still played football, I quit last year. He was the main reason why I joined , so we played on the same team for ages but I called it quits because I got bored. I get bored easily and I don't see how other people don't. I just need to be entertained and happy as much as possible or I will lose interest and move on and possibly lose it like I did the other day at Ashton.

"You should come back. Coach misses you, y'know?"

"I should but I shouldn't. Plus he always hated me, I never played until someone got injured or was sick." My rage started to build up inside of me just thinking about it. I wrote an essay about it because I was so enraged with my coach, he never put me on the field unless he HAD to, which made me jump to the conclusion of coach being a sexist asshole just because I got my spot on the boys team.

"That's only because he caught you smoking three time when you were supposed to be on a "water break" plus he warned you but you still did it." He defended him because Calum will always protect his coach since he doesn't want to ruin his spot on the team.

"Whatever, football boy, lets drive before it gets too dark and I get us lost." I inhale and rest my hand out the window to save Calum the 'pain' of secondhand smoke.

"Just consider coming back."

"I'll consider."

I lied.