505 days ~ irwin

405 days before

Brinley

I never thought that I would be saying this, ever. But I cannot believe that Luke isn't answering my calls. This feels like the breakup all over again. I've tried for quite some time now, but I guess I'm just getting more and more determined to get ahold of him. I mean, given, I would never be talking to him, let alone being this desperate to talk to him. But this is more like a quest now. Whatever info he has is the info that I want and need. I'm a curious little thing, like how children are always asking questions and pulling on your tee asking what things are because they're new to this world. Yeah, that's me. Imagine how I was as a kid.

Throughout the last couple weeks, I left him some -totally not rude at all!- voicemails, sporadically. He's probably not answering me because this is a game or something to him. Well little does he know that I am the master at games. I may seem like I'm participating in his games, when in reality, he's just feeding into mine. I like to play as that character in those movies who is venerable then once you see into the curtains, you see it's really dark inside, and then, BOOM, there it is. Another game that you caught yourself in. It's not my fault that everyone gives into my devilish smirk and cunning good looks. My mom called my a sociopath. Ha, as if that's an insult. Just means that I'm really good at thinking and making up plans in my head rather than on paper. You can't get arrested that way. In theory, obviously. I'm not stupid enough to get arrested. And too pretty to go to jail. Sometimes she'll say psychopath is she's really feeling the early 2000's "insults" because she has nothing else to retaliate to my amazing comebacks. I suppose it's like that with everyone though. That's why I'm so great at arguing, because I just babble on about random things that don't even matter. I'll just go off the trails with what I'm saying and they'll be so confused about what I'm saying they'll forget what we were even fighting about. Why do you think I was reading the dictionary in primary school during silent reading? I was prepping to future arguments with my closest friends and family. For example: I am an independent amicable women with rights that do not define underneath the facade of the words that you compose with that filthy nonsense. Made absolutely no sense right? You're welcome.

Let's be honest with ourselves. We all know, I am at some level of sociopathy. It's in the back of everyones minds, and all jokes aside, I can see it clearly. My mother likes to use it as an insult, and a lot of people say not to throw around that word like that. People can be so sensitive sometimes. Maybe that's why I can play with people's hearts so easily. I mean, I am very persuasive -we've all seen that smirk. And everything in the book that I won't get into. My mother is a clinical psychologist and always tells me that I'm bat shit crazy. Little does she know where I get it from.

I've been staring up at the ceiling for hours, so long that it felt like I'm looking at a screenshot of it. I always blank out at the most irrelevant times and my mind goes elsewhere. If there was no one else in the world, I would be staring at a wall for years and years because I can never catch myself and break my stare.

So I waited patiently, for a text or a phone call back. I'm too tired to get revenge or start another game. When just being friends with me is already a game. I have no problem in dropping someone just to play a game. I'm heartless, I know. But there will always be a little place in my heart for the people who haven't broke my heart and left. Basically everyone except Lucas.

I started to think and change the voice in my mind to French. Broken French, of course.

"Brin." A voice suddenly started to get progressively louder, but that still wouldn't break my gaze. I felt like I was almost going cross eyed. "Jesus you're so fucking weird. How long have you been like this?"

Nothing.

"Right." He sounds sarcastically worried. "Hours, obviously. Anyways." He starts pacing, slowly.

I sat up from the edge of the bed, looking at the shaggy mop head boy walking around my room awkwardly. I hummed a tune in my head, realizing that it wasn't just in my head, I was humming aloud.

"Basically we're all patiently waiting for what's-his-chemistry-teacher-lad to do his lab. Cause the paint on the desks was funny. But phase two is going to begin. But in the meanwhile, I wanted to make sure you guys weren't talking." He stopped in his tracks, staring and pointing a lazy finger at me.

"Even if we weren't doing this prank, none of them would talk to me." I simply put. They were all mad at me for some reason, but that didn't worry me. I don't care that much to be quite honest. Usually it only lasts a certain amount of hours. I just smile and giggle then they fall again.

"Yeah, well. I would to if I wasn't so in-" He abruptly stopped talking so fast and came to a sudden lost of breath to speak. "Not important. Anyways." He shakes his head. He seemed off today, very hyper and jittery. He must've came back from the coffee shop.

"How much caffeine did you have?" I asked, my eyes feeling strained after trying to follow him and watch him walk back and forth multiple times.

"Too much." He smirked lightly at me. "Speaking of coffee."

Uh oh. I knew exactly where he was headed with this.

"Stop calling Luke." He looked directly at me. I was too, but instead I was looking through him, not at him.

"Who says I am." I shrug, letting myself fall back onto my bed and into the trance I was in with me and my ceiling.

"Brinley." He extended, I could feel him taking a seat near my head as the bed dipped a little.

"Ashtonley" I mocked.

He let out a breathy laugh. "He told me as he was serving me this afternoon. He said you were leaving him voicemails screaming at him to pick up the phone." He started to grab strands of my hair, letting them fall slowly back down onto the fleece blanket.

I shut my eyes, ignoring him. Not even my ceiling could distract me.

"You're over him, right?" His voice cracked. But not a "I'm going through puberty because I'm 10" voice crack. A "I'm getting choked up and can't seem to find the air in my lungs to breathe correctly" voice crack.

I hesitated to answer. Of course I was, god knows I was, even aliens on mars knew I was. We all knew. But the only problem was the process of getting over him. It was a very lengthy one and probably the hardest thing to overcome as being Brinley. But Brinley's gotta do what Brinley's gotta do. It was just that he hurt me so bad and to this day, I still didn't know what to do.

"Obviously." I said, but wasn't sure if I meant it 110%.

"Yeah." I could tell in his voice that he didn't believe me. Simply because he doesn't want to think what he thinks is true. For him, that reality would be a living hell. As if being affiliated with me isn't hell enough. "Pizza hut?" He asks after awkward seconds of silence.

Just hearing the words, I swear I could smell it already. I hummed a tune that was an extended "yes." I heard his little scoff that turned into a breathy laugh. How cute is he?

-

hello i know i was on a long streak of publishing new chapters frequently but i have been so busy with trying to study for finals week and i've been stressing over projects assignments and tests and blah blah who cares but basically i finished my one and only final write up so that means more stories

but i wrote this one on a road trip so hopefully there isn't much spelling and grammar mistakes but knowing me there will be a lot hehehe

anyways thank you guys for reading and i'll try to get back on track with this book because this one is personally my favourite one that i have written and i am very proud of it

love always, tb.