505 days ~ irwin

436 days before

Brinley

I swipe back the piece of hair in front of my eyes that was bugging me, looking in the mirror and taking one last look before heading out the door. I clutch my binder as I skip down the stairs. I grasp for the door, making my way down my long driveway, pushing the tall and heavy black fence, making a slip for me to go through.

I can, in fact, drive but it was such a nice day outside and I thought it would be more healthy for me to walk for a change.

Ashton and I haven't talked in so long it was beginning to worry me. We would never last this long without even a text or anything, there was so much I needed to tell him but I couldn't because we aren't on talking terms right now. I wonder how long it would take until one of us breaks. I know I give off this vibe that I don't care, or show emotion, but maybe just this one, this one thing is my weakness to break me. It was him, but I refuse to believe that, I can live without him and he can too.

My walk consisted of the same walking playlist on replay, and louds cars over powering my music. It was now 8:00, as a shady dark car slows down next to me, my heart was racing as I try and calm myself. I hear the window going down, but I didn't bother to look.

"Get in the car Brinley." The raspy voice called.

"No.' Was the only word I could bring myself to say.

"C'mon Brin, I'm not a murderer, I'm your neighbor and old time best friend."

I felt so embarassed thinking that I was going to get killed or something. But I still stood my ground. His car was still going the same speed as my walking, it almost seemed like it was getting closer, arms reach almost.

"Please Brinley, we need to talk." His voice was so raspy, guessing he just woke up to find me.

"We don't need to talk about anything, I'm not even mad." I finally break the wall and look at him.

His hair was an utter mess waves were flat and unstyled, sunglasses covering his dark circles, and muscle tee, as always.

"What time does your school start?"

"9 o'clock, you went to school once, you should remember." I smirk at my own catty comeback.

"Can we go get coffee and chat about this? Please." The cars horns were just getting louder and louder, automobiles swerving around his black range rover.

"I won't even have time Ashton, I'm sorry but the answer is no." I stop in my spot, my voice getting more agrressive as other walking students pass behind me.

Right when I stopped his car did too, his car was insync to my body.

"Get in Brinley, it's going to rain," He pops open the passenger seat door, then looks straight foward. He sounded so demanding, like a police almost. "and don't make up an excuse Brin, I know you hate rain."

"Just coffee?" I consider.

"Yes."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Cross your heart?"

"And hope to die."

I jump in through the passengers door and take a seat, lowering my books on the floor, reaching for my seat belt.

"What do you even have first period anyways?" Ashton takes off his sunglasses, revealing his tired eyes.

"Phycology,"

"Lame."

I stare at his face, absent minded.

"What?" He makes a slow turn back onto the highway.

"Nothing, you're just so adorable."

"I'm a guy Brinley, I'm not supposed to be adorable." Ashton lets out a little chuckle, thinking I was just joking.

"Well you are and there's nothing you can do about it." I almost say like a child, not realizing my tone.

"Oh, my god I love you." He laughs.

I had no response. I never admitted to love, and little did I know what it felt like. I can't remember the last time I told ashton I loved him and I don't know if I did. Whenever Ashton is all cutesy around me I never respond and he knows that, so he doesn't expect anything back. I was still really pissed off but I didn't want to fight anymore because I'm tired. I'm so tired..

"Are you happy?" Ashton blurts.

"Happiness is inapplicable. Happiness isn't in this city, not here. I don't want to be here anymore. Maybe this is it for me, maybe everything stops here." I spoke so slow, so slow and quite that it would be hard to tell that I was even talking.

"Would you stop that?" The sudden raise of volume startled me, I was so quite but he wasn't.

"Stop what? Talking? Sure! I thought you would want to hear me speak since you haven't heard it in fucking forever." If he could be loud so could I.

"No, I'm talking about you inferring that you're going to leave. You're not going to leave, I won't let you." He licked his lips, stuttering to finish his last couple words.

"It's my choice to go. Whether it be tomorrow or in two years, Ashton. But it's your choice to follow." I stated, brushing my hand over his trying to comfort him, but I was getting aggravated.

"Brinley Reynolds, you know that I would follow you everywhere no matter what. I would fly my own plane to wherever you are. I don't think you realise this Brin and I could tell you every day but you're still so oblivious to it. I hate how much I like you, I absolutely hate it because you have so much control over me and you could break me in an instant without even noticing. If you leave I do too, because you would break me if I could never see you again." He pressed the gas and floored it down the highway. He had so much anger in his voice, building and building each word into it.

"I had sex with Luke." I blurted. I shut my eyes and clenched my fists, just waiting for the yelling to begin.

"When?" He asked. He wasn't raising his voice, he held it all back.

"Doesn't matter." I forgot he would ask about when and where, but he would kill me if he found out.

"It does, just answer."

"No it doesn't, lets just forget it."

"If it doesn't matter then say it." He spoke.

He was starting to get on my nerves. I knew that I shouldn't have got into the car. Maybe this IS actually the end of the line for me.

"His party, last weekend but who cares."

"I care."

And here come the screaming.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because it's different when your drunk, Brin." He talked to me like I was a five year old kid that didn't know anything about the outside world. "Sex is love, not some implosive thing you do when the vodka hits. I thought you weren't talking? When did the sudden sex drive pull into place?"

"Pull over." I calmly requested.

He didn't respond, just sighed deeply and obeyed to my request. He knew me and knew I was mad. Ashton could trigger my emotions in an instant, kind of like how I could break him in an instant. Just not as hard.

Maybe it wasn't love I should be worrying about.