505 days ~ irwin

438 days before

Brinley

"I wish this cigarette burned as painfully slow as this over priced bath and body works wax creation of sweet hell and candied essentials." I said, exhaling towards the burning object as I stared at the "Mint chocolate chip" candle that Calum bought for me in a hurry to get rid of the cigarette and alcohol smell in my room from a couple days ago.

"What made you say that?" Calum spoke, sitting crossed legged at the edge of my bed, peering through all the netflix choices in the horror movie genre, shoving kettle corn into his small mouth.

"Because I've been sitting on this window seat for shorter than Lukes dick size, Calum, that's why." I took the last drag before hitting the filter, I opened the window forcefully and flicked the butt out, but just aiming it into the gutter.

"Is it really that short?" He jolted up, spilling popcorn on my bedsheets.

"I'm kidding," I giggled at how excited he got, it was cute. "sort of." I smirked. I got up from the uncomfortable cushions and pulled the blanket off me, climbing onto the bed beside Calum, switching back and forth throughout the movie selections. "Let's do something." I blurted.

"Like what, Brin?" He didn't sound very into the idea of getting out, but I don't like staying inside for an extensive amount of time.

"I dunno." I shrug.

"You never do." He laughed but I couldn't tell if it was a sarcastic laugh or a laugh trying to cover up a harsh insult. I shrug again. I got up, dragging the White fleece blanket behind me as I walked towards the closet, walking in to grab a rip curl grey crew neck sweater to cover over my black swim bottoms. I ease my arms through beginning to speak "Im leaving." I nonchalantly spoke, expecting him to be following behind me like he always does. I lean on the wall around the corner, within 30 seconds I hear footsteps coming towards the door. I knew it. "Took you longer this time?" I chuckle, grabbing his arm and pulling him down the stairs with me, without him saying a word.

"Where are we going, Brin?" He sounds like a little kid who doesn't want to go to grandma and grandpas.

I was never that kid though because I loved my grandparents, my grand father was always like a hero figure to me. I looked up to him more than my own dad because my grand dad was always there and never left. His house was like my second home, would have been my first if I didn't have a reason to always be coming back. Ashton. He got very old, and very tired. He would always help me colour in the lines at the age of 4 and was there to help me with my physics homework at age 16. I loved him, he taught me that life had more to it than the four walls surrounding me every night and day. There's more to the night than the gritty pale ceiling you see in your view. I visited him everyday at the hospital, I was never told what was wrong, but I knew. Then something weird happened, and suddenly, everyday I would visit he would ask the same question every single day. The same question that haunts me, the same three confused words that I think of in the back of my mind when I look at my reflection in the mirror and wonder, the same tone I hear when I lose myself in a pit of emotions. I walked in and he would ask "Who are you?" Confused, and dim lighted. I had always wondered if there was a lightbulb in there, that maybe someone shattered his thin opaque glass walls known as memory. Perhaps is was a sick joke, y'know? Because he was always the light of the family, but now his light is in a million shards, lying 6 feet in the ground

I tear at the memory, blanking out as I held my keys around my middle finger. I tried not to cry in front of Calum because I hate when my friends see me this way.

"You alright?" He asks.

"Yeah- yeah, no, I'm great." I lied. I lied and he knew it too, but continued anyway.

-

"Have you ever just sat at home and thought "hmm, maybe I should just stay in bed today." y'know, because you have lazy days from time to time?" He asked but he already knew the answer, just wanted to test me.

"There's so much adventure outside of your house, no matter how big the house, how rich the family, or nice the siblings, there's too much outside you have never discovered or ever will. There's so much that you would need multiple life times just to venture a small fraction of the world. That's my biggest fear, Hood. I can't let somewhere be undiscovered." I explain, making a right turn into the busy four way street, heading downtown.

"How much gas do you go through per month?"

"Okay, now you're just being a douche." I giggle.

"I'm serious, adventure costs money, and money is hard for an eighteen year old mischief rebel like yourself."

"You don't need money when you have connections." I said.

"That makes you sound like a prostitute."

"Not like that, mate. Anyways, how many electrons are in aluminium trioxide?"

"What? I don't know, shouldn't you know that Ms. Chem master." Cal mocked me. He and all of out other lads will always continue to harass me about being intelligent but never putting it to use because I'm so truant.

"Exactly, so shut up." I put, stern. I wasn't rude, it was obviously sarcasm but some people don't understand humour and that's okay. He laughed at my response, breathy through his noise. Calum gets me, Luke gets me, Michael doesn't get himself but he gets me, what's not to get? "We're going to get booze." I blurt after a couple of turns and red lights layer of pure silence. I forgot to take the top down so the wind is inapplicable, and there is no saviour of the awkward silence of two attractive lads in an even more attractive car.

"Maybe one day you'll remember again." I whispered to myself with a condescending smile pasted on my face that just barely made my dimples show.

"Who?" Calum questioned, staring at me very confused.

"Noth-nothing." I press my foot against the gas and floored it just to make the green light ahead.

I hope you will remember me one day ol guy. I won't ever forget you..

Please remember me..