505 days ~ irwin

"I'm truly sorry, Brin"

Dear you,

you know who.

I guess I kind of blame myself for this.. I mean you wanted to leave and i didn't see that. You wanted to go because you are used to travelling and having a different change of scenery every now and then. But I always thought you would stay, at least for me. I was too oblivious that I didn't even see my own girlfriend and best friend, hurting. I feel ashamed for saying that and letting it happen. I should have let you leave, if you wished to leave so badly, then I should have let you go. Who knows, maybe you would have came back. Who the fuck am I kidding you're never coming back are you? These stupid letters are probably going to some random old dude in fucking Canada or something.

Okay listen; I'm just sorry. I'm sorry I didn't see this coming, because to be quite honest, I was dumb the tbought didn't even cross my mind, but it should have. I wasn't the best high school student though, and I think we all know that. I am sorry for being stupid and letting you fall for me. I'm just a low life blonde boy from Sydney, I wear bandanas and listen to blink 182. I am sorry. Well I'm sorry for being a total dick, not for being a blink 182 fan, I love them, sorry.

I mean, who knows, maybe if I never let you fall for me then you would still be here, in Luke's arms, watching your favorite shows or movies, but you get bored watching movies, and I told you I would change that in you, but guess not. I'm sorry for making you watch Anchorman, I know you don't like it, but I couldn't grasp the fact that you haven't seen it.. I'm also sorry for making you watch Anchorman 2... I just really like Anchorman.

ANYWAY

I'm truly sorry for that night. The night where I basically forced you to come over. I'm sorry, I just saw you on the roof where we used to go on all the time, watching the sun go down, and I would tell you to stop smoking and you would reply with some smug answer, we would both laugh, and either: sneak out or stay there for hours, sometimes we would watch the other drift off, through the widows. That sounds so creepy when I write it, but I loved it. I just saw you sitting there, the sun framing you like a picture, and of course you were smoking. You tried your best to try and hide it from me, but I know you better than you know yourself. I bet if I didn't invite you over we wouldn't have been friends, or even in a relationship for that matter. I am deeply sorry for that. I know that if we weren't friends then you would still be here, probably fucking forgiving Luke, like you always did. I would always see his stupid black SUV that looked kind of like mine, that made me angry. Each night I was forced to see you guys cuddle through the massive window, kissing, cuddling, and other stuff that I would rather not talk about, but FYI you should close your blinds when you have Luke over, because that was fucking disgusting. That, or I would be forced to see you cry, hugging your pillow, that should have been me, not the stupid fucking pillow, it should be me there, telling you everything was okay. But I'm glad I didn't go. No matter how painful it was to watch, if I said a word to you, you would have been gone sooner. I am so sorry Brinley. I love you and I'm sorry.

I know this letter isn't going to make you come back to me, or any of these letters for that matter. But it's worth a shot, right?

with love

-Ash