My secret- Newtmas

8

~~The next day~~

I was about to finish my job for today. ..I was so glad that by tomorrow I would be working as a runner... All of the other jobs seemed lame and boring... I wonder what job Newt is doing... He did mention that he was second in command so does that mean that he isn't working?

I looked at my clock (I don't know if they have clocks but anyways) ...ten minutes left... why couldn't time just pass?! ...or not pass. Never pass! I'm fine with that...

Yes, you could say that I was nervous because I was actually going to talk to Newt in 'the fire'.

Talk.
not argue.

And I didn't even know what I was going to say. Hell, I didn't even know why I was going to talk to him. It's just that.. I don't want him not to want me be a runner or something... Which sounds weird... Well, maybe I am weird. Who cares.

And, Done. This fucking job is officially over!

I nervously took out my apron and made my way to 'the fire'.
There, I saw Chuck sitting alone.

"Hey Chuck" I said nervously while looking down

"Thomas!" He said happily. Sometimes I just admired how much of a happy person he could be... He was so carefree and he always smiled

"Um...do you know where...Newt is..?" I asked him hesitantly an he shook his head in response

"Looks like he is not here again.. maybe he is at his tent though.." he said and took a big bite on his sandwich "Why do you ask?"

"It's.. I just want to talk to him.."

"And are you okay? You seem kind of pale.." he added. What? Was I pale? Was me being tense so obvious?

"What's so obvious?" He continued.  ....did I actually say that out loud..?

"Nothing. Hey.. come here" I said, motioning him to come closer so I could whisper something to him "Do you have.. alcohol here?" I was aware I was asking this to a middle schooler but I was in a desperate need for the liquid solution. Chuck seemed to be put on a tight spot for a bit but then he seemed to remember something and went to Minho. Not a lot of time had passed, when he returned with a bottle of what seemed like  the thing I needed the most right now. I thanked him and started drinking at it very fast. I knew I wasn't good with alcohol- proof, my vision that had already started to get hazy- but I really needed to use some if I were to talk to that guy.

"I'm going" I muttered and left as fast as I could master without looking like I was already dizzy

But... how the hell was I supposed to find where Newt's tent is!?

I sighed

Just forget it Thomas... I'm sure Newt doesn't even want to talk to you...

...yeah... I guess that's right.. I guess I should just go back to my own tent...

I started making my way to my tent when I heard something-making me stop- since all the Gladers were in 'the fire'. I tried sizing up my options: it was either

1) A wild animal (>which means that I'm going to die here, alone)

2) Another 'stung' Glader (>which means that I'm also going to die) 

3) Gally (>same as the two above^)

4) ...Newt (>I'm also going to die. By embarrassment ['cause what I want to tell him is completely stupid and, yeah...he's Newt])

5) I was already way too wasted for my own good

Great! .. Looks like I'm dying in all of the cases... nice

Again. There was another sound, this time clearer and I realized that it came from a human. I gulped and before I knew it, my legs were moving towards the voice.

Good job, Thomas! go straight to your death!

From where I was standing, I could make out that it was coming from a guy.. That means it's not option one... well, thank god!

I continued walking, while stumping slightly, and realized that this person was...crying? My pace quickened before I stopped moving when I noticed a guy's frame sitting on the floor with his legs to his chest and head pressed down to his knees.

It was too dark to make out who he was but I could tell for a fact that he was crying. I walked towards him and sat beside him-which I wasn't sure whether it was a wise choice or not- . He didn't seem like he had noticed my presence so he jumped in surprise when I asked him "Are you ok..?"

His head shot up and he looked in my eyes. When his gaze met mine, I knew for a fact who those brown eyes belonged to.

Shit. Newt?! why was he crying?! ..And why was I shaking!?

His eyes widened when he saw me and quickly averted his gaze away "J-just... l-leave Thomas.." he said and whipped his eyes furiously

"...What happened..?" I asked him, ignoring what he had just said

He continued looking down, with his chin resting on his knees, and didn't answer me. I realized that he probably didn't want to talk about it, so I just shrugged it off...

"Don't... cry" I said in an awkward attempt to get him to calm down and placed my hand soothingly on his shoulder when he tensed up right away. Thank god I had some alcohol in my system otherwise this whole situation would have been waay too awkward

"D-don't touch me! Just don't." He said with wide eyes and for a second, while he  let his guard down, I saw terror in his eyes. What the hell? In this one week I've known him, I had never seen him like this... he seemed so... vulnerable ? and scared... I didn't even know that he could be like like that..
I removed my hand immediately  and looked at him to see that he was even more shocked-by my action- than before. I don't get it...

He looked into my eyes, like he was searching for something.. his crying, thankfully, had started to slowly die down too...

It felt as if he was very confused.. I, on the other hand, started to get lost in his intense gaze.

I unconsciously lowered my gaze to his lips and without realizing it, I started leaning in and before I knew it, my lips were  upon his, the alcohol blinding my sense of reason