My secret- Newtmas

24

"...fuck..." Newt muttered under his breath "FUCK!" He repeated, louder this time and I remained silent "I fucking hate him!! Why can't he just fucking die or disappear forever!? Why does he always have to ruin my whole fucking life!?"

"Newt-"

"NO! You don't fucking get it, Thomas!! You never will! Do you know how many things I've went through because of Gally!? Do you know how many times I just wanted to fucking end it all and kill myself?? Do you?? You obviously don't, so shut the fuck up!"

..A part of me knew that Newt was right and that I had to give him some time to process everything I said but being me, I obviously couldn't just end the conversation "Well, guess what, Newt. You obviously aren't the only one with problems here! Maybe Gally did make you suffer but now we have a bigger problem so fucking man up and help me find a way out of this!"

For a few seconds no one talked and I already regretted what I said but suddenly Newt started laughing. Well, fake laughing.

"..Help you find a way out of this..?" He repeated and let out another bitter laugh. "Thomas" he stopped laughing. "There is no way out of this" he said in a serious tone and looked me in the eye. I didn't reply.

I got up and started walking out of the tent when Newt's voice stopped me.

"Where do you think you're going?" I rolled my eyes

"Out" I answered and left the tent. Newt was seriously getting on my nerves and I didn't seem to be able to calm myself. What should I do..? Alby said that we had to decide who would die until the night and it was almost noon...

...

.....I have to do something..

What if... I talked to Gally..?

...no... That wouldn't change anything.. All it would do is get me in a fight with Gally, meaning I would only die a few hours earlier.

Then what should I-

Thomas. What. Are. You. Doing.?

A familiar voice asked me and I smiled slightly.

Seriously! You're just standing in the middle of the glade doing nothing! What's up with you?

...If Newt is right and there really is no way out of this and I die then I'm sure I'm going to miss this... I walked over to Theressa and hugged her lightly.

W-what the heck are you doing all of a sudden? Idiot!

I laughed slightly at her remark. Typical Theresa.

"Jeez! Get off me! And stop acting like this is some kind of a last good-bye hug scene of a movie or something."

And what do you mean by 'typical', huh!?

I laughed once again.

"Oi, ...are you okay, though?" She asked as she started getting a bit worried and I nodded.

"Yeah. I am" I said and gave her a forced smile. Theresa narrowed her eyes at that-seems like she wasn't buying it-.

"Are you sure..? You look like someone you hate just did something very bad to you, you are in despair and you also just had a fight with your boyfriend.."

Wait, what?! Am I seriously that easy to read? Seriously?! Well, except for the boyfriend part...

"Hey... What would you do if you only had a couple of hours before someone killed-uh, I mean, took away someone really close to you or your own self..?" As soon as those words left my mouth I instantly regretted saying them. Why was I asking her what to do...? I shouldn't get her involved so she won't get worried... Was I that desperate...?

Her eyes widened and she looked at me in shock. "I knew it" she breathed out.. Shit. Way to go Thomas... Now you obviously made her worried! ..Now she might even get in the way and... What if they kill her as well, huh?! Then it will all be thanks to you!

"Wait, what?" She said even more shocked than before-If that's even possible-. I looked at her. Why did she just say 'what'?

"I-I thought..." She said as tears started forming in her eyes, making it difficult for her to talk "I-I though that.." She stopped to take a deep breath "..You had a fight with Newt and, like, someone you hate wanted to 'take' him away from you and I was like 'aw I knew they were a thing' but... But that's obviously not the case since I heard your thoughts again and... And now everything makes sense because a minute ago it was like you were saying goodbye to me or.. or something and now I finally get it and I-"

I pressed my hand to her mouth to make her stop talking because she was seriously rumbling at this point and this wasn't getting anywhere. "You done..?" I asked her and she nodded, tears still threatening to fall from her eyes.

"...Why... Why didn't you tell me earlier?" She asked me with worry written all over her face.

"..I didn't want to make anyone worry" I bit my lip and watched as her expression changed dramatically.

"MAKE ANYONE WORRY?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME THOMAS?! THIS IS FUCKING SERIOUS! FOR FUCKS SAKE, WE'RE YOUR FRIENDS THOMAS!-"

"UGH! STOP IT! I'm fucking sick of everyone yelling at me today! I'm 100% aware of the situation and I'm NOT a kid! I can handle this situation all by myself! It's not like I need help from any of you! After all there's NOTHING you can do to help even if you all wanted to. All you need to do is for fucking once to stay out of this and just let me do what I have to because there's no way in hell I'm letting Newt die while I keep on living" I let out everything I wanted to say at once. Theresa was obviously crying by now. I knew that I was being a complete asshole and that I had to apologize for making her cry but cry and worry like that but I just couldn't help it. Everything right now is just too much!

"You.." She sniffed "FINE! Do as you please! I-it's not like I care! No, you know what? I. Don't. Give. A. Fuck. In fact, I actually want you to die! Farewell then, ThomASS. I shouldn't have even fucking cared from the beginning" She said with tears of anger, worry and fear in her eyes and left me there, standing. Alone.

Well, I deserved it...

Though what I said to her was in fact what I was actually going to do... I was going to die..

So... Is this really how I want my last moment with Theresa to be...? She must probably hate me now...

Shit

Shit!

Fucking SHIT!

Everything is awful! I just had a fight with Newt and now.. Theresa. Why the fuck do I keep hurting everyone I care about the most..?! I was the one who told her that I didn't need their help.. But I know for a fact that that was a lie.. Of course I need their help! Of course I want to find a way to save both me and Newt! ...Of course don't want to die... But that isn't even a choice considering that there's no way in hell I'm letting them kill Newt..

UGH! I'm so stupid!

Just then, I heard a voice

"Thomas, it's time" Alby said and I froze

Hey guys! How is everyone?
Again, sorry I haven't updated for a while but... Exams :(
Oh well, this is the last week though, so... Yeah. After they're over I'll probably update more often
Love ya. Byee xx