In Memoriam - An Unus Annus Fanfiction

28.12 - 12/28 - Emotional Pain VS Physical Pain...Which is worse?

»Lesson two will be all about the kind of manipulation you have seen Dark do.«
    »You're talking about that force push stuff, right?« Unus was as excited as a child that had just been told it had been chosen to become a Jedi.

Marvin nodded. »That's one way to name it, yeah. During materializing, you manipulate your surroundings. This technique focuses on your inner power, essentially enabling you to use telepathic powers. Now, try to lift this coin off the ground.«

He carefully placed a small gold coin he had pulled from thin air on the floor on front of them. Annus took a step forward. He looked at the coin, trying to remember how it felt when he attacked Dark.
It started as a tingle, somewhere close to his heart, that quickly grew to an electric feeling that spread out through his whole body, concentrated in his hands. Like a powerful push erupting from his palms.

He held his hand over the coin, concentrating on that specific feeling. »Breathe calmly,« Marvin instructed him. »Don't focus too hard. Just let it happen.«
He took a deep breath, and felt the familiar tingle in his chest. »Imagine threads connecting the coin to your fingers.« Marvins voice sounded both far away and very clear at the same time.

The coin moved. It wasn't much, just a barely noticeable sideways movement. But it was there. Painfully slow, it got itself up, shaking standing on it's side. The muscles in his arm began to ache as if he was holding a sack of cement in his hand.
He managed to get the coin to float maybe one inch off the floor.
When it dropped down, Annus felt as if he had just completed a full workout. Drops of sweat were running down his back.
    »Why is this so hard suddenly?«

»This kind of ability is strongly influenced by emotions. It's way harder in an emotionally neutral situation.« Marvin explained. »But once you got that down, the rest will be way easier.«

»Can I try?« Unus took a step forward. He mimicked the way Annus stood there, one hand outstretched over the coin.
»You said that being emotional helps, right?«
     »Yeah, but I'd advise you not to -« Marvin could not finish his sentence. A powerful shockwave erupted from Unus's body. The sound was that of a lightning strike. Annus got thrown backwards like a stick in the wind. Marvin somehow managed to pull up a blue glowing shield. The collapsed yaeger got torn apart by the sheer force of the explosion. Metal bits and pieces edged themselves into the wall.

In moments like this, there's always a moment of silence. A short span of time in which every participant looks at the other in confusion, trying to comprehend what just happened.

After that moment had passed, Unus looked fragile. He apologized vehemently. Marvin was quick to calm him down. Things like this happen, he said to him. Emotions are powerful, and there was no way that he could have known that.
     »I think that's enough for today,« he finished. »Let's get you guys some rest.«

Soon, they sat in Marks kitchen, each of them with their fingers wrapped around a warm cup of tea.
They didn't talk much, and Marvin soon excused himself. Annus thought he'd seen a worried expression cross his face for a moment, but perhaps that was just hos imagination.

The room felt even quieter once he was gone. He just had to break that silence, or else he'd go mad.
    »What did you think of?«
»Hm?«
    »What did you think of that invoked such powerful emotions?«
For a long while, Unus stared into his mug.

»When I was captured, I didn't just see every possible death. I felt it. Over and over again. Sometimes, I feel like I'm still there, and that all of this is just the buildup to a death I haven't experienced yet. I have to remind myself that all of this is real.« His voice was shaking during the last sentence.
»I am afraid, Annus. Because there will be countless moments where we could die in the future. We have survived many, somehow. But what about the next one? And the one after that?« His lower lip was shaking.
»I have seen so many possibilities of how we die, I don't even know if there's one where we survive.«

The last sentence was a truth he had been afraid to admit. Now that it was said out loud, everything he held back collapsed onto him.
A tear rolled down his face. He wiped it away, but he couldn't hold back anymore.

Annus got up, motioning for him to do the same. He pulled his friend into a hug, holding him tight. Unus broke down. He was sobbing, trying to catch some air while burying his face in Annus's shoulder.
Somehow, he managed not to cry. He wanted to protect Unus, even if that meant not showing weakness.

Annus felt exhausted and tired, when they sat down. He had to clear his throat before speaking up. »You said that you don't know if this is real. Marvin told me something that might help you. We can try it out if you want.«
Unus nodded. »Yeah,« he said in a broken tone.

»Tell me five colors you see.«
Unus gave him a questioning look, but complied. »There's the green mug I'm holding. The white table. My black suit.« He turned around. »The brown wood of the drawer. And the red candle.«

»Now four things you can feel.«
    »There's the warmth of the mug. The movement of my tongue. I still feel a little shaky in general. And...« he had to think for a second. »The way my clothes feel? I'm not good at this.«

»You're doing perfectly fine,« Annus reassured him. »Next, tell me three things that you can hear.«
     »You talking. The beating of my heart. And myself, I guess.«

»Almost done. How about two things you can smell?«
    »I can smell the tea. And the way this room smells in general? It's probably the candle behind us.«

Annus nodded. »What's one thing that you can taste right now?«
    Unus quickly took a sip of tea before responding with a movement of the mug.

»Good,« Annus said. » How do you feel?«
    »Tired. Emotionally exhausted. But also calmer, I guess.«
Annus nodded, making the mental note that he had to try this technique as well sometime.

Not long later, they decided to call it a day. Annus stared at the dark ceiling of his bedroom.
His eyes we're burning, but strangely, he didn't feel like crying. It's been a long day, he told himself.

Yet, it took him a long time to fall asleep.