Redamancy - R. Lupin

Chapter 24 - Eccedentesiast

Eccedentesiast - (n.) Someone who fakes a smile, when all they want to do is cry, disappear and/or die.

E V A N G E L I N E

An agonizingly long and painful month had past by, now leaving Evangeline in mid March- just as hurt as she had been when she'd woken up that morning.

The first week had been the hardest, Evangeline waiting for Remus to come back, to have changed his mind. She waited each day, sickly optimistic about his return. But, each day when the sun set, she was left alone in the suddenly too big bed.

In the short time she had spent with with him, she had become too comfortable with his presence, with his warm arms holding her as she slept, his eyes gazing down at her lovingly, his voice saying her name in the morning.

Evangeline had swiftly come to terms with his departure- or at least, that's what she told herself. Around the others, she plastered on a smile and laughed along to Sirius's corny jokes and Tonks's clumsiness. But underneath it all, behind closed doors, she felt empty. She felt as though a piece of her had been taken when he'd written the letter.

She felt utterly and completely stupid being so torn up over Remus, the phrase just something to pass the time ringing in her ears repeatedly, reminding her the time she had spent with him had meant nothing, was nothing.

Evangeline felt the overwhelming urge to lie in bed and never get up, but they were in the beginning of a war and her wallowing could only go on so long- which in her opinion simply wasn't long enough. She wished things would slow down, move at the pace she willed it. But while magic was capable of a lot, it couldn't do such a thing.

Today was the day she would have to force herself back into things. She'd had the excuse of her injury to keep her from having to attend Order meetings, from having to see him. But, seeing as her back was now healed, three angry scars left in its wake, she had no more excuses- unless she wanted to let everyone know how utterly heartbroken she was, which she didn't.

Evangeline had stalled as long as she could, pacing around her bedroom, attempting to hype herself up for the meeting. She didn't want Remus to know how much he had- and still was- hurting her. Slowing her pacing, she stared at her reflection in the vanity mirror.

Just last month, she'd always wear colorful, expressive clothing, wore an almost permanent content smile, her eyes bright with joy and love. But now, she'd lost all care for such clothes, found no point in dressing up each day. Her smiles never reached her eyes, appearing painfully forced. And her eyes stared emotionlessly back at her. She hadn't bothered changing out of what she'd slept in, which was a gray tank top and black sweats.

Evangeline had begun to debate crawling back into bed, feigning illness, but her plan had been foiled mere moments after forming by two restrained knocks at the door. She knew who it was just by the knocks.

Giving herself a last disinterested glance in the mirror, she let loose a sigh and padded over to the door, pulling it open begrudgingly. "Good morning, Sirius."

"Morning, Angeline," he beamed brightly, dressed in an aristocratic, emerald green suit.

Sirius had been the one to find her sobbing into the letter the morning Remus left. Since then, he had hardly left her side. He made sure she ate three meals a day, took care of herself, got outside a few times a week, and kept her from being alone with her thoughts most of the time. He had been a huge help and had become someone she allowed herself to depend on. After all, she knew he wouldn't leave. He cared too much about Lillian to leave.

Evangeline felt strangely bitter about the budding relationship she saw between Lillian and Sirius, as well as Tonks and Elio. Both couples tried to hide their affections for each other when she was around, but they failed rathe miserably. She was angry at herself for not being able to move on quicker, and by extension, angry at herself for making them uncomfortable with her grief.