Danganronpa: Locked Doors of Despair

Ch.3 Daily Life Part 1: Of Phobias, Faux Pas, and Forwards

[A/N] Mild trigger warning for people who have anxiety, particularly with the first part. I'll include a TLDR summary afterward, so please, don't continue to read if it makes you uncomfy. I've got you covered. It'll be in bold. Love you, guys!

Ren

Am I really doing this? Am I really, honestly gonna go through with this? C'mon, Ren, if not now, then when?! This is for a goddamn memorial for four fucking people, get your shit together! It's just a little sunlight.

I douse myself in like fifty layers of the sunscreen Nari got me— literally haven't even used it at all since then— and try my best to rub it in. The scent of it is so obvious even Keiji could've smelled it. I keep trying to tell myself that I really don't care that he's gone, but no matter how awful he was, we were stronger as fourteen. And now we're just... twelve. And damn, every single death has been fucking brutal. We've seen way more shit than anyone should have to. We're just fucking KIDS!!!

I stop rubbing in the sunscreen once it starts to hurt; I don't want to rub off a whole layer of skin when I need all the protection I can get. C'mon, just breathe. It'll be okay. I check my reflection; the blond roots are getting pretty obvious now. I wonder how long it'll take for people to start connecting the dots.

Tozen had offered to ask the group to push this back to nighttime, but I told him I was fine, I need to challenge myself. It was a very, very dumb choice. I take a few deep, shuddering breaths, and then leave my room.

My steps are short and slow as I inch along toward the garden. I quickly run back to my room and try to determine whether I should take my parasol. Huffing, I turn back without grabbing it.

Most of the group is already out there, staring at me from the garden. "Dude, you've got this," Tozen reassures casually, as though I'm not about to dive face-first into mortal terror.

"How is it possible that you're all even prettier in the sunlight?" I flirt, trying to distract myself as I step inside. The warmth is unnatural... well, I guess it's actually the most natural warmth anyone could feel, but it's unnatural to me. It feels... tingly.

"Ah! Are we ready to commence the ceremony, then?" Azumi asks, placing her hand to her collarbone. Her hair sticks almost seem to sparkle. When everyone nods in confirmation, she speaks. "I offer you all my deepest gratitude for attending. As you are well-aware, we are here to celebrate the lives of Hachi Endo, Nari Igarashi, Keiji Seikiguchi, and Sayuri Asai. Would the representatives be so kind as to place their ceremonial items?"

Bisque's been hard at work; aside from Hachi's flowerpot a while back, he volunteered to make something for everyone who's gone. For Nari, I commissioned a cookie jar in the shape of a cloud. I figured it'd be rough to make all of the bumps look nice, but I can't be underestimating our resident potter. I slip her earring inside of it— just temporarily— and place it between Hachi's journal and Keiji's recorder.

Gou clears his throat and starts to talk about Hachi. I try to pay attention to the respects, but the sun is glinting off his helmet straight into my eyes. And my skin... Did I give the sunscreen enough time to soak into my skin??? It hurts. I'm sure this is just a placebo effect. I feel lightheaded.

Everyone swivels to look at me. Shit, Gou's done. That means it's my turn. I frantically take the folded sheet of paper out of my pocket. But I can't read the speech on it; my vision is blurring the hell out. I notice that my breaths are shallow and ever-quickening. There's a sharp pang in my heart, and I feel like screaming out.

"M-My heart," I gasp, but I can barely hear my own voice. My body's quaking out of my own control. "I-I'm gonna die," I squeak. It starts to feel like the world is spinning. Like I'm falling backwards out of a chair and it never stops. Never... never... never stops. I— My vision's useless and my hearing's dull and gravity is pulling down on me with sixty tons of force. People are trying to talk to me, but it's useless. I'm going to die, flat-out fall dead in two seconds. I can barely process the tears on my face.