Empyrean Iris Story Collection

Idiosyncrasies

There are a few adorable little idiosyncrasies that I enjoy about humans, some days, I can't decide whether I find humans entertaining, adorable, frightening or infuriating. There are a lot of species out there who talk about how humans are indestructible rage monsters designed to participate in war, but it is very difficult to think so when you live with humans and witness them interact personally on a daily basis. In fact, humans are extremely social creatures and are thus designed to behave in a way that enforces group cohesion.

Get close and personal with a human and you will find that they are, in-fact, very easy to get along with and to enjoy the company of.

Humans use physical touch as a form of marking you out as a member of their clan or pack. Humans will make physical contact with you more the more they like you, so don't be alarmed.As a general rule for those of you that are hesitant about physical contact. A human will generally be very accepting of your hesitancy if you are honest with them. But don't feel bad, physical proximity is a good substitute for humans when true physical contact cannot be met. Sit close to your human friends, they will enjoy the company.Humans experience eating with almost all five of their primary senses. Taste is of course a big one, but the sight of food can greatly affect how the human feels about it. Smell might actually be an even more complex component as the tongue of a human can only detect around five tastes while the nose can smell billions of combinations. Texture can make or break a human's interest in food. Some humans cannot stand when something is overly slimy, don't ask me why, but it seems like the one texture a lot of humans don't particularly appreciate Even sound can be an important component of food. Human sound engineers design food to have specific sounds when eaten. If you don't believe me just look up the sound engineering of pringle, and thank me later.A funny little thing to do with a human is to give them some peanut butter,without the assistance of a drink, and watch them eat it. You will be entertained, and the human will be happy, so it is a win for everyone.Also, my advice for first timers living with humans. Memorize your human's favorite snacks. Humans have been known to take small bribes of food for personal favors, or even if you don't need a favor, bringing human food can solidify your friendship with them and secure your safety.My favorite human noise is when the diaphragm, an internal structure that assists with breathing, begins to spasm forcing air up through the vocal cords. Yes I know that a spastic internal srucutre doesnt exactly sound safe, but to humans this little interal twitch is generally harmless, and causes them to make funny noises. It is even more entertaining when you watch the human become frustrated if the spasms continue. This is a time where you can entertain yourself by making up a "remedy" for the issue. Try telling them to stand on their head or something. It will be a funny joke for everyone involved, but relatively harmless. Another one of my favorite noises a human makes has to do with the quick rhythmic contraction of the same internal structure usually forcing air out of the mouth in short bursts. This noise, laughter, is known by humans to be an evolved social response to encourage group cohesion. Humans will laugh at jokes, during playful situations, or even to break up the tension of a situation. If you have the ability to mimic the noise somehow, I would suggest joining in. This should not be confused with another human noise "crying" which can often appear similar to laughter when the two are compared at their extremes. However laughing till they cry generally involves smiling, knee slapping, and involuntary bursts of laughter after the attack if over. While laughter may exhibit tears crying will generally exhibit an over-activation of mucus glands in the nose and intermittent breath holding as well as full body spasms. A laughing human is less likely to cover their face than a crying human. Don't feel bad if you get these confused, sometimes humans do as well, and must ask to make sure.A sound to look out for is the "scream". Against certain species the human scream can be classified as a sonic attack capable of disorienting or discombobulating. However, on their planet a human scream was developed primarily to function as a distress call, or a warning of some kind. If a human screams they are, in pain, startled, distraught, or enraged. In these cases they are warning about danger, calling others to their help, or warning away predators. The scream is also a function of letting go access emotion, warning others away from social interaction for the time being. The warning signs of a scream include a massive inhalation, a wide open mouth, and the sudden flexing of the trunk, arms, and often the legs as well to force air past the vocal cords with the highest pressure possible.

Become the human's friend at all costs, or cower in the knowledge

that you may well be their enemy.