Ridin' |norenmin|

||29||

"The less you know the better." Renjun gave the younger a glare and bumped his shoulder after he decided to go to his class. He clenched his fists because of how fucked up the situation was. If Donghyuck knew that meant Mark knew as well. "Does someone else know as well?" The blonde haired male turned around and when Donghyuck nodded, he cursed. "Who?" 

"Mark. He was with me that night. Don't you dare start a fight with him. It's my fault I insisted on following you that night not his. He wanted to stop me but my curiosity beat me." The purple haired male crossed his arms over his chest. "I really want to understand you Renjun, because you became a good friend of mine and I really trusted you." His voice was trembling as he talked, which shocked Renjun a bit. He was hurting, the blonde haired realized. "W-Was my brother really payed to kill you that night?" 

Renjun didn't reply right away. He decided that he could talk to him a bit before his class, because they still had twenty minutes left. The shorter made his way to a bench and sat down, placing his backpack next to him. He patted the space in his left for Donghyuck to sit as well. In his surprise, the purple haired guy didn't hesitate and sat down. 

"I will not harm anyone I know personally just so you know." Renjun spoke while his eyes looked up at the grey sky from above. Even the weather seemed depressed. "You shouldn't have been there because I'm sure that sight made you think of me as a monster. Which I am, I can't deny that of course. Fuck, I just want to die already at this point. You don't even know how much I want that. That's my only wish right now." 

"What?" Donghyuck frowned and blinked in shock. For some reason, Renjun felt relieved that he told at least someone about this side of him. He didn't feel bad for the person that had to carry the burden though, because that was something impossible for him at this point. 

"I almost killed myself two days ago. I came back from the hospital yesterday. I felt so relieved that night, when I realized one of my veins might have been cut too much, but my brother had to find me." A sad chuckle left his throat as he kept on looking at the grey clouds that were moving slowly, in a sad rhythm. "Don't worry though, I don't plan on harming anyone I know. I just have to keep doing this for a little while, until I get my chance to die." 

Renjun took the chance to glance at the younger. Donghyuck seemed lost after hearing everything he had to say. If he wasn't like that, Renjun was sure he would have felt really bad for him. He assisted to a murder then he found out this, but at this point, Renjun could only feel the pain from his own heart. 

"As for your brother, yeah, Jaemin's father hired him to kill me after I declined the job of killing his wife. I thought I shouldn't be the one to kill someone from his own family, but I guess I was mistaken. If only I could turn back the time and not accept that man's offer in the first place." 

Donghyuck flinched when Renjun patted his shoulder before he stood up and picked up his backpack from the bench.    

"I'm sorry for your brother. I'm sure he did it for some money, but I cursed him with my misfortune and he died in my place." Renjun threw the backpack over his shoulder. "From now on, let's not talk to each other okay? I don't want to be responsible for someone else's death." 

The blonde haired male didn't wait for Donghyuck to reply. He decided it was for the best to just stay away from everyone that knew what he was doing.   

________________________

Two days passed since his interaction with the purple haired young man and Renjun had to admit, he was relieved that Donghyuck listened to what he told him and stayed away from him, along with Mark. Yangyang found it weird and he kept on asking the older why he refused to speak with the couple, which made Renjun lie and tell him they had a fight. He really hoped that Donghyuck played along if Yangyang asked him as well. 

While walking inside the quiet library from the campus, Renjun didn't expect to bump into Jaemin. He wanted to avoid his presence like he did for the past few days, but the younger spotted him and stood up from the seat by the window, where he was enjoying his comic book. 

"I need to talk to you." Jaemin whispered when he reached Renjun who was trying to act as if he was interested in a random biology book he spotted on a shelf. 

"About what?" The blonde haired asked, without looking at him at all. He really hoped the younger would get his message that he didn't want to talk, but if he did, he completely ignored it and grabbed his arm to get his attention. "Let go of me." Renjun tried to take his arm out of his held because the cut was giving him pain. "Let go now or I'll end up in the nurse's office again." 

"What?" Jaemin suddenly let go of him and widened his eyes in realization. "Are you okay?" 

Renjun scoffed. "Since when do you care?" He whispered back and walked away, obviously being followed by the taller out of the building. "Just go to your Jeno and leave me alone please." For some reason, his remark made Jaemin flinch, which made him realize that something happened between the two. "You two fought, I see." 

"We did not." Jaemin sulked and looked away. "I mean we did, but I hope we'll make it up soon." 

Renjun glanced at him and nodded only. "Was it his or your fault?" 

"Mine." Jaemin sighed loudly and ran a hand through his hair that was shining in the sunlight. "I did something I shouldn't have." 

"Well I don't care what you did so please leave me alone." Renjun cleared his throat and suddenly took the exact opposite direction than he should. Still, Jaemin went after him like a lost puppy, which kind of annoyed the shorter guy. "What do you want Jaemin?" He stopped and turned around, making the younger bump into him. 

"Sorry." Jaemin rubbed his nape in embarrassment and chuckled while he backed away. "I just wanted to tell you that I don't hate you for what you do. You didn't kill my mom which means you still have empathy for people." 

"Had." Renjun corrected him, feeling his hands tremble again. "I no longer have emotions Jaemin, It's like I told you that day." 

The raven haired frowned but in the end, he nodded. "Then what do you plan to do?" 

"Kill myself." Renjun replied and pulled one of the sleeves that were covering his arms. He no longer wore bandages, which allowed his long and ugly cut to be seen. When Jaemin saw it, he flinched. Renjun also lowered the neck of his turtleneck and showed him the bandage that was covering his other wound. "I still didn't get the chance, but I almost died few days ago." 

"I..." 

"You don't need to say anything. It's the only way I can escape this dirty life I live." Renjun then lowered the sleeve until it covered his wrist and looked at the sky. "Try to avoid me from now on please. I don't want to be responsible for someone else's death." 

Without waiting for Jaemin to reply, Renjun bumped his shoulder and walked away. For some reason, he felt emptier than usual, which made him tear. It became more painful for him to live this life each day and now that Taeil started calling him again, the young man knew he didn't have much time left. 

Still, being stubborn as he was, Jaemin stopped Renjun by grabbing his shoulder. The blonde haired male sighed and quickly wiped the tear away before he glanced at the taller. 

"I want to help you." Jaemin said and while telling those words, Renjun saw how sad he was. 

Okay so I'll explain what happened between Jeno and Jaemin in the next chapter and I will make Jaemin fall a bit for Renjun while he'll help him despite knowing how everything will end. Also, Jeno will only have feelings for Jaemin even though I made him a flirt at the beginning of this book. I feel like how this story changed, I no longer want him to be that flirt he was at the start. Hope you enjoyed the chapter.