Wonderland (Sequal to Keeping It Up For The Cameras)

Chapter 17

I seemed to loose track of everything when I was with James, whether that was a good thing or a bad thing I wasn't sure. There was this sense of making up for lost time so almost every night was spent held up in my apartment together and it wasn't that I was complaining or anything because he made me so happy I couldn't think that I hadn't spent an evening alone. Also there was still this element of secrecy. This was the first time me and James had actually been together in a real relationship rather then set up but if the boys, media or anyone else found out this pressure would fall on to us and I didn't need that pressure, I needed to be able to be me. Honestly it was a bit odd for me to think that I was in a relationship again because I didn't think I wanted to be in one, actually I forgot what it was like to have a boyfriend because I'd spent so long not wanting one or not really having one that it was weird. Actually what was weird was knowing James did like me because I'd convinced myself he didn't even want to see me let alone that he wanted to spend any time he could with me.

My schedule however was chaotic meaning that I always seemed to be working; doing interviews, writing music, recording songs and I when I wasn't doing this I was with James. Really this was all I'd wanted for so long and I didn't expect to get it but it was starting to get tiring. I was getting a lot more exhausted by the end of the day but was forcing myself not to stop and keep on going with going to sleep late and waking up creepily early.

"Hello," I answered my land line which was started to ring as soon as I got home from dinner with my management and record label about the next album which apparently needed to happen a lot sooner then I'd wanted.

"Hey Hol it's me," James said making me crack a small smile but noticing his tone hushed as he spoke which did worry me a tiny bit.

"Jason?" I asked teasing him slightly. "Joe? Jon? sorry I'm not quite sure who this is."

"James," he answered.

"Of course," I let out a small laugh. "So why exactly do I have the pleasure of this?" I asked smiling faintly still.

"Well because my lovely band mates have only just fallen asleep," he said explaining why exactly he was talking so quietly as it was out of fear of waking them up. "So I was wondering if maybe you could come over here tonight."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked letting out a small laugh.

"I mean would you like to come to apartment," he repeated himself his voice still hushed.

"To do what though?" I asked my voice having a slightly teasing tone running through it.

"Talk," he replied quickly and I let out a small laugh still smiling faintly.

"Give me twenty minutes and I'll be there," I sighed before hanging up the phone not letting him respond. I stared at my feet trying to think of what I needed to get to go to James' apartment because really I hadn't been there to stay in a while and I assumed that was what he implied. Still I just picked up my handbag which I'd taken to the meeting and only really had my purse, phone, glasses and emergency make up which is probably all I'd need.

I took the familiar taxi ride to get to his apartment which I hadn't taken in a while giving me this really weird sense of Deja Vu. Really I could have walked but I would've been freezing and it would've taken 20 minutes longer then the taxi would. I must have spent the whole drive texting my manager about business things which were honestly getting more and more stressful by the second. When I think about it I'd never been this stressed about anything to do with my career before, the pressure had been building on me bit by bit and it was starting make me quite anxious which probably explained my lack of sleep and therefore tidiness. I was expect to have another album finished within the next month and so far I barley had half of one, it's not that I hadn't written lots of songs, I had but some are too personal, some aren't right for the message I want and some I'm just not happy with. But everyone wanted me to do things I wasn't ready for, on top of that the next single had been pushed forwards but again I wasn't ready for that.

I think that a part of me was scared about this album because of what people would think. When Wonderland came out as a single it shocked people because it was taken one of two ways, one that it was inspired by Alice in wonderland with a love story twist which wasn't true but I was fine with being told or two that it was a stab at James, which of course it wasn't but I really didn't want people to think that. The thing is people will read into things what they want and I didn't want to feel attacked and everyone picking apart every lyric of every song. But all of this meant my stress levels were high leaving me to count down the days until Christmas and being home, even if that meant being away from James, again. I didn't want to be apart though not right now because we were in the nice stage where I didn't want to be apart from him and I knew that part wouldn't last long so I wanted to soak up every small part I could. All I remember from my past relationships were that even though the first gushy, lovey part was not my favorite and I cringe when I look back at it, once you're in the bubble it's one of the best parts to actually be in.

James' apartment block seemed empty when I got there and I was bit worried that maybe I'd taken too long and he'd fallen asleep. However as soon as I got outside the familiar door of his apartment it swung open.

"Come on," James whispered grabbing hold of my hand straight away pulling me into the apartment and shutting the door behind me before taking me straight to his room keeping as quiet as possible. "They're light sleepers." he told me once we got into the safety of his bedroom making me smile slightly.

"So we can't talk?" I asked him pouting slightly.

"No we can talk in here, just in the hall where you'll wake up the boys," he let out a sigh slipping his arms around my waist.

"I'm glad," I shrugged looking up at him.

"What that we can talk in here?" he frowned a tiny bit confused.

"That we can talk," I laughed sightly holding onto his arms which were around me.

"Because we never talk?" he asked sarcastically, again making me laugh a bit.

"Oh no never," I shook my head smiling faintly.

"Actually we didn't see each other yesterday," he pointed out.

"No we didn't actually," my eyes widened a bit in shock. "Like one day out of the week, that's a bit weird actually." I smirked up at him.

"You must've really miss me," he tilted his head on one side.

"Oh I really did," I laughed a tiny bit before he quickly kissed me and I pulled away a tiny bit not letting the contact between us last more then a few seconds. "That's not talking," I smiled sightly teasing him.

"Maybe we can talk later," he sighed pulling me closer to him.

"And what are you implying we do before that?" I asked laughing a tiny bit blinking as I looked up at him.

"I dunno," James shrugged removing his arms from me and taking a step back. "Stare lovingly into eachother's eyes." he grinned sitting down on the edge of his bed and I let out a small laugh crossing my arms over my stomach.

"I'm up for that," I sighed tilting my head to one side.

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OH MY GOD GUYS IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY ON SATURDAY AWH ISN'T THAT EXCITING...YEP I'M SPENDING IT WITH MY MAIN GUY NETFLIX AS I WRITE A NEW CHAPTER

okay so cute update again...