Wonderland (Sequal to Keeping It Up For The Cameras)

Chapter 8

I'd been walking round in a state of shock since that night, not really talking to anyone and using all my will power to not think about it. Of course I couldn't not think about the massive mistake I'd made, I don't know if I wanted to take back kissing him because at least that let me tell him how I felt but it was embarrassing to think that I was rejected like that. So I did what I always do and run away straight back to Manchester where there were the last few tour dates and to simply clear my head. Still I just felt stupid.

"So how was it up in London?" Lisa asked straightening the top layers of my hair smiling slightly.

"Fine," I sighed not really wanting to talk about any details of London because right now 'London' wasn't even something I wanted to think about because it forced me to think about what happened.

"Anything interesting happen?" she asked smiling slightly.

"No not really," I lied trying to think of something I could say not to make her feel uncomfortable. "I mean other then performing which was actually really fun." I forced some enthusiasm to ease the conversation.

"Yeah I saw that," she smiled finishing off my hair for me. "You were really good actually." 

"Thank you," I cracked a small smirk reaching out for my phone which started to ring. "Is it alright if I take this?" I asked looking up at Lisa room where I sat.

"Yeah sure, I need to rush to sort Ed out," she shrugged before checking her work on my hair to make sure it was good enough to perform in. "Yep all good," she nodded proud of herself making me laugh a tiny bit sounding slightly forced just because laughing right now was hard.

"Hi Zoe," I accepted the call pressing it to my ear as I glanced in the mirror at my hair positioning it slightly so some hair fell down my back.

"Holly," she chirped happily. "How's my favorite popstar?"

"Good," I sighed probably not convincing even a tiny part of her because she knew exactly when i was lying and when I wasn't.

"Really because you don't sound it," she scoffed and I let out a sigh.

"Yeah I know," I bit my lip feeling anxious whilst Lisa finished packing her stuff away.

"I'm going to go," she mouthed to me and I nodded forcing another smile up at her to say that it was okay.

"What's wrong kid?" Zoe asked me concern running through her voice.

"Nothing," I sighed a tiny bit frustrated at everyone else worrying for me when I was worrying myself enough already. I wanted to tell Zoe everything right now and cry to her or something but I couldn't do that right before I performed or even over the phone because crying in person and being comforted isn't like sobbing down the phone at all.

"You know we're best friends right?" she asked me as if I was playing dumb. "You know I can tell when you're lying right?" she asked me and I let out a sigh. "Holly what's wrong?" she asked and I could tell she was frowning at me right now.

"I can't talk about it right now," I looked at the time on the clock. "I'm on stage in half an hour Zo I can't." I sighed trying to explain myself and prolong the time where Zoe wouldn't know what was going on.

"Fine," she said simply after a long, painful silence. "I'll go then, break a leg." she sighed before hanging up the phone making me feel even more alone then I did before. I was aware that for the past few months I'd been pushing Zoe away slightly in case she asked me about but I had a feeling this might have been the last straw and Zoe would start to distance herself from me and I didn't want that to happen.