Wonderland (Sequal to Keeping It Up For The Cameras)

Chapter 3

Holly Parker (HollyParker)

Second night at the O2 Arena supporting @EdSheeran, I may or may not be performing a new song that I wrote...

I looked down at the tweet checking for any typos before pressing send trying not to move too much because my hair was being curled into loose curls and one wrong move would end up with me burning my face and that wouldn't be the best idea. It took a lot of strength not to move because I was a bit fidgety before I performed due to all the adrenaline that was running through my veins. I'd decided that I would play something new, just one song, that I'd written over the past months and that was a big step for me, being open with people was hard and right now my songs were the only personal thing I had so once I performed them it was over all secrecy and privacy seemed to be gone.

"All done," Lisa, the hair stylist on the tour, smiled looking in the mirror making me raise my eye line before examining my hair in the mirror cracking a small smile to seeing how nice my hair looked. "Did you hear Ed's invited some people tonight?" she asked putting away little pots of make up into a case which she closed once it was neatly organised.

"Oh do you know who?" I asked my heart pounding in fear of who it could be as I stood up, smoothing my dress down.

"Some band I'm not really sure, I'd never heard of them so..." she shrugged and I didn't really think much of it, clearly it wasn't anyone she knew or that I knew if it was just 'some band' and almost immediately my pulse went back to normal. "You look good by the way."

"You think?" I glanced at her then back in the mirror at how I looked and traced the cutouts on the side of my dress where the dress hugged my body showing off that I had a vague shape I seemed to have, simple black yet effectively pretty on me.

"Yeah I like your hair shorter as well," she nodded smiling at me and I smiled back. "Why did you cut it anyway?" she asked unplugging the curling tongs from below the dressing table.

"Erm change," I answered wincing slightly because I wasn't sure how to respond.

"A boy?" she asked me and I nodded hesitantly. "Been there," she laughed making me smile slightly packing the last of her things away. "You must've really liked him to have changed so much."

"Yeah," I let out a small laugh looking at my boots fidgeting a tiny bit.

"As much as I'd love to gossip about your love life and then my own," she sighed making me giggle slightly whilst she put away the last of her products. "I need to sort out Ed's hair and that is surprisingly a task." she winked at me before leaving me alone in my dressing room forcing nerves to set in. I don't know why but suddenly performing Wonderland became scary, I was scared to sing, an experience I'd never really felt before.

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"You have been an amazing crowd," I involuntary smiled looking out at the crowd who's cheers had only just died down enough for me to talk. "So I have one song left before Ed Sheeran comes on and ya'll will forget about me." I let out a small laugh looking back at my band who were giving me encouraging looks and I looked back down at my guitar. "I wrote this song back in May, you guys are the first people that'll I'll be playing this to. This is my next single and it's called Wonderland." I smiled faintly before playing the first chord on my guitar getting ready to perform it.

When you see the reaction of a song that's how you know if a song would work or would flop and the impression I got from the crowd was that maybe I'd done something right when I wrote the song, thank God I'd realised that it was good. I'd actually forgotten about writing the song all I knew was that I did write it somehow and it was the right song for me. I'd adapted this new style of music now and Wonderland was the first step to confirming who I now was.

 "Hey come with me to Ed's dressing room," Lisa sighed walking into my dressing room where I was packing away away some of my things for tommorrow's show.

"Is this some weird suggestive thing?" I laughed slightly at her putting the last things in my dressing room away.

"No," she smiled shaking her head at me chuckling. "He's having like a small after party thing I don't know..."

"In his dressing room?" I questioned but did walk out of my dressing room to go with her to the room.

"Oh it's the room that was meant to be his dressing room but was actually really big and he didn't like that so moved to a smaller one so it's an empty room," she explained and I let out a small laugh following her down the hall. "I will admit the room his way too big for a dressing room and makes a great place for an after party if you ignore the mirror." she told me.

"Well considering some of the places we've been our dressing rooms were the size of cupboards," I sighed. "You know sometimes it's really hard to a singer," I said sarcastically making Lisa laugh slightly as we reached the dressing room, well I assumed it was because I could hear music playing and the faint sound of people's voices. Lisa lead the way opening the door revealing all the crew as well as some other people who I assumed were friends of Ed or crew members.

 "I'm going to be honest I think Ed might be signalling for you or something?" Lisa nudged me and I looked over to Ed who was waving me over to him and I shrugged at him only making him not so subtly gesture more. I rolled my eyes at him before making my way across the room to see exactly why he was acting so weird.

"What's going on then weirdo?" I asked him letting out a sigh.

"I wanted to say well done," he smiled at me.

"On what?" I frowned slightly at him not sure where this was going.

"On your song," he laughed at me as if I was being stupid or something. "I know you'd been writing but that was amazing, that's the single right? It better be because if it isn't I may..."

"Thank you," I smiled suddenly cutting him off before he could finish the sentence. "Honestly I was nervous about singing but..."

"No it was amazing," he shook his head at me. "Like I'm kind of annoyed with you because you should've played it to me earlier." Ed seemed genuine about everything he was saying which was actually quite relaxing and removed all nerves that were left in my head about the song. "When did you write it anyway?" he asked me making me fidget slightly before scratching the back of my head trying to figure out how to explain it.

"Oh erm about..." I started to say feeling uncomfortable but also trying to think of exactly when I started to write it.

"Hold that thought," he winked at me before looking at the door over at somebody and walking off to go to them. "Hey," I heard him say and I turned to look at who had interrupted our conversation.

"Fuck me," I muttered shocked looking at who Ed was talking to making my stomach drop as James spoke to Ed not even noticing I was standing there. James was here. James was a few feet away from me and all I wanted to do was throw up. I didn't know why James had this effect that made me suddenly forget the whole cool, calm front I had going and now I wanted to run out of the room.