Wonderland (Sequal to Keeping It Up For The Cameras)

Chapter 32

"So exactly how long are you actually in the UK?" I asked Michael tapping my nails softly on the coffee cup I was holding.

"Do you want to get rid of me already?" he asked making me let out a small laugh before turning to look out the large window which was next to us in Starbucks.

"Yes," I answered just about able to keep a straight face as I spoke.

"Wow nice," he laughed slightly and I turned back to look at him.

"No I was just wondering because you've been here, in London, for an awfully long time," I shrugged smiling faintly. "I mean I'm almost convinced you told me it was a 'quick trip'." I used air quotes which made him smirk a tiny bit.

"Ahh yes a quick month long trip," he grinned making me laugh. "What about your boyfriend?" he asked, for the first time since my first mention of him bringing James up. "I mean isn't he on a 'quick trip'." he used the similar airquotes I did.

"He is," I nodded slowly chewing on my bottom lip. "He's coming back tomorrow I think."

"Then why are you spending time with me?" he asked making me squint slightly not completely sure what he meant. "I mean shouldn't you be preparing for when he gets home?"

"You're right," I said sarcastically as I leaned in slightly to her. "I mean as a women I should really be making good food for when my man returns and..." Michael cut me off raising a hand to shut me off but he laughed softly.

"I meant like tidy your apartment because it's probably a mess," he shook his head laughing slightly. "And I don't know maybe you could buy new clothes to look pretty for him." my jaw dropped in slight surprise at that comment and all Michael did was smirk at me.

"Are you saying I don't look good right now?" I frowned a tiny bit.

"No, I'm just saying you've looked better," he muttered taking a sip of his drink but this cheeky grin stayed on his face.

"You're such a cheeky arsehole," I rolled my eyes before looking down at my scruffy jeans and t-shirt. I sort understood at that moment what he meant by needing to make myself look nicer because right now I looked okay, nothing special just okay. James had obviously seen me worse then in a plain grey top and old black ripped jeans but maybe I should make more of an effort to look a little nicer. It seemed stupid to worry about because before now I was never self conscious about how I looked to him, to James but I simply just wanted him to think I was pretty and really think of it, not just say it. Michael was joking, I knew he was but that one comment made me feel uneasy about myself.

"Holly," Michael cut through my thoughts. "I'm joking," he said with a faint, softened smile. "Honestly I just want to meet your boyfriend." he shrugged. "You know check him out to..."

"He's straight Michael," I cut him off making him laugh slightly.

"Check that he's not a total creep," he corrected himself and I just smiled slightly at him.

"You've already met him Michael," I shook my head slowly.

"Is it Luke?" he asked.

"No he's..."  I started to say before becoming aware of how public we were right now so I lowered my tone slightly. "James." I whispered.

"As in your ex boyfriend?" he squinting slightly.

"Not ex anymore," I ran a hand through the ends of my hair.

"Oh," he frowned stiffening slightly. "Yeah that's nice that erm he's back...erm it's just I thought that you two ended badly." he whispered clearly sensing the same thing I was.

"Not really," I shook my head. "Well yes actually, it was the wrong time and now it's right time."

"It's only been months though," he muttered under his breath.

"Well it's different," I told him not particularly wanting to go into the details of my past relationship, having to explain exactly that we weren't in a real relationship but he fell in love with me and then I realised I loved him but it was too late but now we are really dating and I'm convinced I love him but am too scared to say anything because it's too soon. I was sure I loved James but I had this awful habit of loving the wrong people and although I was sure James was right, I was also sure the other boys were the right ones too. Being cautious with my heart and putting up high walls was just something I did and that meant saying 'I love you' to James was hard. My mind was telling me not to ever say 'love' because love ends in heartbreak and I didn't want to be broken again, I'd only just about been able to pick myself up. Every time I thought of him though I felt happy, I started smiling when I saw their stupid band merch or when I said his name, I just felt this unbelievable love for him. It's hard to describe but I felt as though it was wrong to love him; it was too soon, I'd barley seen him recently and to be honest he broke my heart and screwed with my mind. I knew Michael's reaction right now would be most people's reaction that didn't know me too well and just knew for over six months I was hurt and it was my fault but the majority of people believed it was his fault.

"Well it'll be nice when he's home," he lied forcing a very fake smile. "Also we leave in two days to go home before we come back here for tour."

"Good I want you out of my country," I smirked teasing him slightly.

"I hate you," he rolled his eyes.

"I'm a lovely friend you see," I grinned resting my arms on the table we were a so I could lean my whole body forwards.

"Debatable," he scoffed but smiled faintly as he did.

---

Michael's words sort of got to me and I decided rather then taking the quick walk home, I took a taxi to Westfield to got shopping. It was a shallow and pointless act but never the less I still felt the need to waste my money on make up and clothes. However Michael decided to ditch me for shopping, something I didn't quite understand because he was the one that suggested it, he claimed he'd rather 'stab his eyes out with pins' then help me find an outfit to 'impress my current boyfriend', the word current made him sound very bitter. I didn't understand Michael's reaction though, he seemed very off with me after the whole James talk but he brought it up to me, he brought up James so he shouldn't be annoyed.

It just would've been more fun shopping if I had my friend with me and Michael was the closest friend I had right now. We'd seen each other a lot over the past weeks which was lovely, I loved having someone in London, he was a good distraction for me, well he was good at distracting me from missing James and worrying about if we'd be okay when he returned home from Asia. Michael was like my Zoe, my Australian male Zoe. Not having him also meant I had to carry all my bags to room by myself which was just tiring and annoying because Michael would be able to carry it all easily. I finally got to the floor of my apartment but it was a struggle and involved at least four stops on the way.

"Hey," I heard a voice and I lifted my gaze to see James standing leaning on my door.

"I thought you weren't back until tomorrow," I said slightly lot for words.

"I lied," he shrugged but sounded slightly awkward, probably confused by my tone.

"I missed you so much," I dropped my bags before walking over to James hugging him tightly, just to make sure he was there.

"I missed you too," he sighed squeezing me into his chest.

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A/N *peaks out from behind door* soooo it's been a while...sorry sorry sorry.