The Stuggle of Loving You | a. hotchner | ✔

Chapter 6

Today was the day, it was the first day of senior year. Just one more school year, then I'd be done. No more homework, no more of my friends trying to drag me out to party. They won't be practically forcing me to just "have fun" anymore.

I would be my own person, although I have been for a while now. But after this year, I'm going to hopefully be in the FBI and have my own, more serious responsibilities. I would be catching the criminals that everyone was scared of.

I had already chosen my classes and it was also the first day of criminology. I was excited to finally take it; the whole idea of it was just captivating.

Chloe was also in that class with me, she also had the same one goal. To make it in the Bureau, she didn't really care where she was placed within it.

As for Hotch and I, we haven't kept in touch. After the night I fell asleep at his place we both woke up the next morning and we went our separate ways. I was disappointed to say the least but it was for the best. We both had different goals and we needed to sort out everything in our lives.

As Chloe and I walked to class I wondered how this year was going to go. I made a 'promise' to Chloe that I'd try to be more social. That I was only allowed to decline her invites out only a number of times.

She mentioned that she was going to try and 'travel' more this year. Whether that was just a state over, it didn't matter to her. She just wanted to explore before the bigger responsibilities came into play.

We reached campus and walked down the sidewalk. It was an earlier class, one where most of the students were still tired but not me or Chloe for that matter.

I forced her to wake up when I did; trying to help her get to class on time and also be awake and not half asleep.

We found the room and went through the doors for our first day. The lecture hall was not empty but not full either. There were still seats at the front of the class so I chose the second row. Now waiting for the rest of the class and the teacher.

The professor wasn't there either which was odd but it didn't really matter. I pulled out my phone and started scrolling through social media, liking posts about my favorite show.

Silently laughing to myself trying to not make any noise, I didn't want people to notice me.

It had been ten minutes and the class was now almost full and yet the teacher was still absent. Still waiting, I went back to my phone.

I was pulled from the focus of my phone when I heard a familiar voice.

"Hello everyone, sorry I was late. I am Professor Hotchner and will be your teacher for this year's Criminology course. Does anyone have any questions." I snapped my head up and saw him. After a few months of not talking I always wondered how he was doing.

Guess I know now, he looked good. He was relatively the same but he looked happier in a way, something I can't describe. One change I noticed was the beard, not too grown but also visible. Hotch didn't look out to the class as he set his things on his desk in the front.

When he did look up I saw him scanning the face in the seats, like he was looking for someone. When his eyes met mine there was a small smile that formed on his face. I softly smiled and waved, he continued on with class.

Chloe leaned closer to me, "Is that who I think it is." I nodded my head not taking my eyes off of him. Chloe sat straight up in her seat, watching the two of us.

"No... ok, today we're not doing much. We are just going to be going over the syllabus. I expect all of you to read it and get the martials you will need in the future. Tomorrow we will start with the lesson, until then you have the rest of the class and take the time to read through."

Hotch started to hand out the syllabus, passing it down each row. When he was finished he walked towards the front of the class and sat down behind his desk going on his phone.

I wanted to go up to his desk and talk to him, hug him. But I feel like if I did that the other students in the class would definitely have some thoughts about that.

The rest of the class we were sharing glances. Hotch would play it off looking at all the students but I noticed his sight lingering longer on me. Every once in a while we would make eye contact, and when we did it would bring butterflies to my stomach.

I was never like this with him before, unsure of what was different. I analyzed him, looking at his body and my gaze was set on his hand. There's no wedding ring.

That's what was different, he was divorced or at least soon to be.

When class was over I took my time walking out, not trying to be suspicious. Chloe walked next to me, "Want me to wait outside."

"No it's fine", I said going to Hotch's desk when the other students left. The last student shut the door and It was just Hotch and I. I was nervous, having that fluttering feeling in my stomach.

I went up to him, not sure if I should wrap my arms around him, Hotch made the decision before I could. He pulled me towards him, putting his arms on my waist. My arms went to his neck as I stepped on my tippy toes trying to get closer to him.

We stayed together longer than we should have, both of us pulling away at the same time. Hotch cleared his throat and went behind his desk.

"So how've you been?" I asked him, going to the edge of his desk.

"Good, Jack- he's been asking for you. He misses you." I missed Jack too, he was honestly the highlight of my day most of the time. Hotch whispered, "I missed you."

I smiled softly, "I missed you too... and Jack."

"What've you been up to?", he sat down at his desk. "Hayley and I got divorced, now I usually just bury myself in my work." Of course he did, when was he not.

"Aaron, remember what I told you a few months ago, take care of yourself... please." Hotch chuckled and stood up.

"Trust me, I remember." He stood in front of me, I just wanted to grab him. His dark brown hair, brown eyes, and his jawline.

Everything about the man in front of me was so attractive. "Did you want to see him- Jack I mean."

"That'd be nice, he was always so sweet... wonder where he gets that from."

Hotch's lips turned upwards, "Yeah wonder where. Not like he was practically getting raised by you, he must've picked it up somewhere."

"I only started working for you when Jack was three so maybe", I giggled. "But he definitely got it from you. You Mr. Hotchner were always just so-." I couldn't find the right words. I sat on the edge of his desk folding my feet criss cross.

"Always so?..."

"Charming", blush rose to his cheeks; feeling slightly embarrassed but he knew it was true. He was usually so serious but with me he was kinder, more welcoming.

"That right?", I playfully hit his arm.

"Yes and you know it, don't pretend like you don't." Hotch took a step towards me.

"Who said I was pretending. Maybe I just like hearing that come from you." My breath was caught in my throat. I felt like he could hear my heart racing.

Hearing every beat in my ears, it felt like pressure. Something I desperately wanted to happen was also something I wasn't ready for. I looked around the classroom looking for a clock. "Hotch I'm sorry I gotta go... class", it sounded like an excuse.

I got off his desk and he stepped back. "I see you later." I said while I walked away a small smirk marking he face.

Getting a wave of fresh air, I wanted to go back in but I wasn't ready for any of that, despite wanting it. Hotch stood there in a little bit of a shock but he realized what he did.

He was getting closer and closer to me. He didn't want anything to feel pressured, he wanted it to be my decision. He thought I was feeling cornered, that was the last thing he wanted.

________________________________

A/N

Y/n and hotchs interactions might seem awkward but that is intentional