The Stuggle of Loving You | a. hotchner | ✔

Chapter 31

A/N

Ok now personally I'd play the song before actually reading cause like.... I think it makes this more emotional and we know I love to make people cry :(

So either listen before, after or during I don't care but definitely listen to it

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I was exhausted after the party and when my head hit the pillows I was out. My soft snores filled the room and that was all there was.

I was too gone to think about anything or anyone. So when I heard the knock at the door I groaned and dragged myself off the bed.

I walked to the door and opened it without checking... Aaron stood in front of me. His tie loosened around his neck. He looked at me with depressed and tired eyes.

I woke up quickly with the sight in front of me.

"What do you want?" He lifted a hand inside, silently asking for permission to walk in. I stepped away from the door.

"I want to talk."

"About?"

A few seconds passed while I walked to lean against the counter. "Us." My hand folded across my chest, covering myself, "Aaron--"

He cut me off, "I get it..." I looked up at him, "Look I know I fucked up okay, that we fucked up. I also know that me saying I want to talk isn't going to fix anything but that doesn't mean I can't try. Talking about this isn't going to give us the last year back-- Y/n I thought I made the right decision, us going our separate ways. Specifically for you, I didn't want people to think ill of you. But I should've given you more of a choice in the situation. I basically forced it on you."

I stayed silent, my thoughts lingering on every word that spilled from his mouth. I wanted to believe him but--

"Protecting you is something I've always wanted and I knew that you being new they would judge you for it-- I'm sorry... I didn't like seeing you with him tonight. It felt like I was getting stabbed in the chest repeatedly and I know I have no right to say that I don't want you with him."

Aaron put his hands in his pockets and looked down at the ground. "And words aren't going to win you bac--". Uncrossing my arms I placed them behind me on the countertop.

"Aaron", it was my turn to speak.

"You broke me... I know I agreed to it but-- It fucking shattered my heart into pieces. Pieces that I've been picking up for months. I laid awake wanting you next to me... I wished I could've convicted you that we were worth it-- that I was worth it."

I stepped closer to him, "I love you-- loved you and you fucking--." I had to stop the tears from spilling.

"Did you think it was a good idea, yes, was it for a good reason... yes. I appreciate you wanted to help me, but it took so long for us to get where we were, to be together and you-- we threw that away."

Aaron kept replaying the words in his head like a prayer I love you. I didn't realize the words had slipped until I saw his facial expression change.

"You love me?", he mumbled and I stopped talking.

"What?" Studying my face looking for a sign that I was lying. I wanted to take a step back, put some distance between us but I couldn't. My feet were planted where I stood, directly in front of him. If I were to reach a hand out it would lay flat on his chest.

"You said you love me."

"I hate you." I corrected him... this is too painful.

His face deepened, eyes lowering to my level as he stepped closer and dipped his head to mine. "You love me." He said it with all certainty and confidence.