The Stuggle of Loving You | a. hotchner | ✔

Chapter 32

A/N

This made me sad writing it... not because of their relationship but.... I just think this is emotional and I'm a little bitch when it comes to this book so

Also at this point I think you'll know when there's a song linked at the top its gonna be a ride or at least I think so...

Go play the song of course

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I felt the body wrapped around me and it was like how it was a year ago. Us being together... I could feel his normal breathing behind me and I knew he was awake. I tightened my hand around him and squeezed.

"So now what?", Aarons morning voice echoed into my ear. I didn't know the answer to the question, I wanted him and I assume he wants the same.

"I don't know", we stayed in bed. We were too afraid to move, having a conversation that could end this before it restarted.

I knew it had to happen, he sat up against the headboard and pulled the blanket up to cover his body from the cold.

"What do you want to happen?", I asked him and he moved an arm to my back. Running his fingers up and down my spine. I laid next to him, face to face with his thigh.

"You."

That could've meant a lot of things, did he wanna date me again? He took my silence, unsure what I was thinking.

"Y/n I want you..." Why the change of heart, he was adamant about protecting my reputation although that was a year ago. It was my stupid curiosity that brought on these questions but I didn't want to know the answers.

"Do you love me?" He furrowed his brow and used his pointer finger to lift my chin making me look at him.

"Why is that even a question? Of course." I started pulling at my fingers and trying to keep some of my attention away from him.

"Last night, when I said 'I love you'... you never said it back." It was dumb but the thought was drowning me. I wanted to hear the words, I needed to.

To understand that this wasn't going to be a waste of time, that we were both going to put in the same amount of effort.

"I do though", he continued to stare at me, never tearing his focus. It hurt him to learn I thought he didn't love me.

"Do you need me to say it?", I slowly looked at him and softly nodded.

"It'd be nice to hear... I don't want you to be forced to say it if you don't want to."

He took my hands in his and brought me to his level, eye to eye.

"It's not that easy, at least for me it's-- difficult. But I do, you have to know that." I felt my body start to crack, he didn't want to admit it or couldn't. People take their time with these kinds of things but I guess I thought that with everything that's happened he'd be able to say it back to me.

I snuggled closer to him, he put his arm around me putting me into place. I took notice of the outside, guessing it was around 5:30AM.

"I love you", I murmured into his chest.

"I know", we sat there. Not laying back down, staying where we were not wanting the other to leave our side. We were still tangled up when I went back to sleep in his arms.

Aaron never regretted anything in his life but our relationship was one thing that he knew he almost ruined.

He didn't want to give me up, not again. He saw that I was sleeping based on my deep breathing and the sight of my heavy eyelids.