Iduy + Jlmuy Extras/side stories

Tsukishima || Selfish

Tsukishima's pov

Why would I kiss this girl, right when the one I wanted was right there. What was I hoping to achieve from that?

Maybe I wanted her to get mad at me, yell maybe, I wasn't expecting her to smile at me as if what I was doing was justifiable and fun and games.

I saw Bunny and Azalea scurry out of the cafe, and I managed to get a small glance of her without her noticing, I also heard Bunny yelling meanwhile the girl I had with me paid no mind.

I wasn't sure what she was talking about, probably asking about the other girls I'd dated in the few months since Y/n had left for America, it was stupid. But now I've gotten the reputation of being almost a fuck boy, though a lot of the guys at school see it as cool, I feel like such a shit human being.

It had only been a few days since Y/n had left, and for some reason, I had agreed to hang out with this other girl, one that hadn't like Y/n much. I think she was looking for a hookup or something. But IK took her to a cafe before we went over to her place.

The usually loud cafe was quiet, but I acted as if I wasn't the elephant in the room. And if you were wondering if I hooked up with her, the answer was yes. And it wouldn't be the last time I hooked up with a girl, or as Bunny commonly refers to them 'my flavour of the week'.

I wasn't really expecting much of a reaction our of anyone, and I definitely wasn't expecting such a large one out of Yamaguchi.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked. "Why would you around hooking up with girls?"

"It's not like I'm seeing anyone, there's nothing wrong with it," I shrugged. "Don't look into my business."

"So you're just going to forget about Y/n?" he asked. "Your girlfriend?"

"Were broken up, get with the program," I said, "I thought that you were smart."

"But Y/n," he said.

The arguing escalated from there, both of us bashing each other, neither of us letting up. I mentioned something about him or Y/n, about fifteen minutes into our argument. And he punched me in the face.

And to anyone who thought that he'd have a soft much, I had the black eye to prove it.

We fought after that, somewhere in me knew that what he was saying was the truth so I focused on just holding him back as he tried to land any more hits. It went on until the both of us were practically heaving for air.

"I can't believe you'd just give up on her like that," he panted. "She loves you."

"She left me, I wanted to work things out," I said. "Don't get it twisted, she's the one who gave up on us, it's over."

"If you used your brain you'd see that she never gave up on the both of you!" he practically yelled at me. "Never ever has she ever given up on you, the only person she ever gives up on is herself, that's why she needs you!"

He was right, and I should have listened, but I just wanted to forget the whole thing.

"She left me," I said. "She's not coming back, we're over. She broke up with me, it's done."

"It's not over till you give up on her," he said. "Not once has Y/n looked at you and told you that she does not love you, and meant it. She'd never do something like that, and you know she loves you."

He was right, she never told me that she didn't love me explicitly like that, and deep down I knew that in her own way she was trying to do what she thought was best for me. It's not what she wanted, that much was true, the sad smile she gave me was all I needed to know.

If I had only listened to Yamaguchi back then, maybe she could've been the one being held securely under my arm. I would've opened my arms for her again, but I chose to throw that chance out the window out of spite.

I basically told her that I didn't love her by kissing that girl and letting her know that I knew she was right there.

She looked so sad, and it was my fault this time.

And I had no right to fill with rage when that other guy walked in to get her, calling her Bird and whatever. It's my fault that she left looking the way she did and on her birthday of all days.

That guy, Christopher I think his name was, he was nice to her. He smiled, probably made her feel like nothing, I bet he takes care of her and appreciates her.

The way he looks at her, he looked worried because of her sad expression, but if anything he likes her. His face was full of adoration.

Anyone could see that.

That is anyone but Y/n herself, I bet she's completely oblivious.

And I bet she left that day, and she cried, attacked herself, and belittled herself, and this time it was my fault.

There's a lot of things you could call Y/n, and she sees herself as a burden constantly trying to make up for things she isn't doing. She thinks it's selfish just for wanting to feel wanted, but if there's one thing she isn't, it's selfish.

She's the most selfless person I've ever met, but she doesn't see that. And that makes for a devastating combo, she's constantly feeling as if she's nothing.

And this time I did it to her.

It's clear to me now, that I'm the selfish one,

Yeah, I hope this was good enough.

-Crouton