The Thing about Falling ✓

Thirty Five • Home

Owen

I was at home today.

Not the home at my college dorm but the small town I lived in. 

That was, and always will be home.

The same way she had been mine.

Weeks passed by, finals had been done and all I needed to do was to wait for the next semester to start next month. 

I was inside the house this time. I don't think I went out even once after I came back. I was too tired to do anything, and that included even getting out of bed. I think the only time I went out of my room was to shower and eat with my parents and sister. My older brothers were away at London for college anyway, leaving only the four of us at home. 

I was starting to think my family was being cautious around me since I barely spoke to them ever since I got here. We simply did small talk around the table, exchanged early Christmas gifts, and after that, they let me wallow in grief in my room. 

I have been feeling a surge of emotions lately and I feel terrible about it all. One moment, I'm numb and the next I find myself creating other possible scenarios of what could've went down between my last with Athena, giving me a headache.

She could've been mad at me and left me then and there. She could've screamed at me in the middle of the night, throwing all sorts of stuff at me for lying to her and spending more time with another girl. 

But she didn't.

She was calm throughout the whole process and attempted to reason out with me, it hurt like a thousand shards of glass piercing my body all over again, feeling each one of them dig deeper into my skin as blood slowly poured out.

Our end was bittersweet as it was memorable. 

Try as I might to follow breakup advice from the Internet to get Athena's tear-stained face out of my head, I can't. Her expression when she left  broke me and I don't know how I'll react once I see her again. 

It traumatized me. 

At this point, I am free to call myself a literal bomb.

I destroy everything and hurt the people closest to me the most. 

I hate it.

Today was the day after Christmas and all I did was lay in bed and try not to open my phone. I was thinking Calix and Marley reminded me of their plans for the holidays now that we're back home. I bet they even sent texts and stuff, I don't know. I had been purging myself from social media in fear of breaking down over Athena.

I was in bed now, as usual. The dark blue covers were up until my chest and I drowned myself in self-pity as I blankly stared at random things inside my room. I wasn't even in the mood to pick up a hobby or a book or even unbox the new wheelchair my parents got me for Christmas. It was still there in the corner, full of bubble wrap and tape and kraft cardboard. I didn't bother opening any other presents too. They're all just scattered around my bedroom.

In the middle of my pitiful episode, someone knocked on my door and I was surprised that I didn't flinch once it swung open and my younger sister peeked inside.

"You've been very quiet lately." Cassidy said as she slowly walked up and sat down on my bed, placing her hands on her lap gently. 

My sister was now a senior in high school and she had the glow of it. These past few years, she had become better with her mobility and now ditched her walker and neck brace. She can walk short distances now without any help and only wears the brace whenever she feels the worst of her sickness.