The Thing about Falling ✓

Thirty Six • Surge

Athena

After going back home for the holidays, I never went out even once out of my aunt's house. I had become recluse, only accepting the company of Aunt Lydia, Maxie, and my friends who were all back home for winter break.

Elliot was the one who drove me back home using my Corolla. He offered to drive us both as I laid in the backseat, bawling my eyes out of the rage of feelings I had.

It was an overwhelming surge of sadness, anger, loneliness, and frustration.

 I didn't know how to react to a normal breakup because the first one I had with Elliot ended on a destructive and traumatizing note.

Lately, Elliot has been kinder. Softer, even. I cried all the way home after my first disastrous semester, with Elliot occasionally checking up on me and asking if I want to stop over for food or something. We stopped at gas stations for snacks but I never took a bite out of anything he bought.

I just wanted to scream out all the pain my chest sends me every time I remember that I will no longer be able to experience that happy feeling of going home after classes to see my equally tired boyfriend sleeping soundly. Long gone are the days when I'm sad and he'll cheer me up by telling me positive affirmations; telling me how I'm all he's ever wanted and how grateful he is for me. I was mad at myself for not telling him anything of those back.

I wanted to experience those and more with him and yet, we can't.

This was my version of a slump.

It was the day after Christmas, the first one where I didn't feel the holiday cheer of people still radiating excitement even after the only day worth celebrating this time of the year. I was still pained from my separation, that I barely touched my phones these days.

I was totally out of it.

Lately, Calix, Tim, and the unusual addition of Elliot have been coming by around my house to check up on me. On how I was doing. They weren't here now. But they had been.

Viv, unfortunately, was not able to come home for the holidays. Instead, she spent it in London, where she currently studies, surprisingly, with her new boyfriend who is coincidentally, one of Owen's older brothers.

At first, I found it adorable since I did date Owen. Viv and I acted like such little girls, planning double weddings and cakes and dresses with the Watson boys, only for one of the pairings to end up in a ditch.

Anyway, I was happy for her. I really am. I'm just really unsure about me. 

I don't seem to know how to be happy  anymore.

It's like all the joy had been sucked out of my body, similar to what a dementor does in Harry Potter. God, Owen loves Harry Potter. 

I shook my head and buried my face under the covers of my bed in attempt to forget about him.  I curled up into a ball in bed, still in total shock and disbelief at what happened between me and Owen, and also about Elliot's revelation. 

It's just too much to handle.

"Athena? Do you want something? I'm going to the store to buy groceries." My aunt told me as she slowly peeked by my bedroom door with her head out. 

"No thanks. I'm good." I replied back as I sunk deeper in bed, snuggled in one of Owen's hoodies that he  left me during high school. After all these months in my closet, it still smelled like him. Minty apples. 

"Are you sure? I could get takeout from Delta's or somewhere else if you want." she said, as the door slowly swung open and Aunt Lydia walked up to me and sat by my bed, caressing my shoulder lovingly.