☆彡 p r o l o g u e

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What I think

The first thing I woke up to was a hit on the stomach and the overwhelming thoughts of wanting to take my life away. It has been like this every day to the point that it is already a part of my daily routine. Still, I got out of bed and got ready for school.

There's only one thing that has been keeping me alive which is the person I admire. A part of me tells me that he isn't into guys and I won't get a chance. Being in a relationship with someone out of my league is a thing that would linger in my mind from time to time. I know I won't be with them but there is still a possibility. Honestly, nothing in this world is impossible.

After a 10-minute long shower, I finally put on a white hoodie that is exactly my size and black jeans which aren't too tight nor are they baggy.

I stuck to wonder how my life turned upside down. How and where did it go wrong? I remember having a decent childhood. Getting yelled at by parents is something normal, I was a kid and I make mistakes. If I were a parent and my child started running around the streets when there are cars, I would scold them as well for being reckless.

It just didn't make sense, everything was normal when one day all my worries started attacking me. I don't know what I want to be, I don't have a goal, and I'm not looking forward to the future. I'm just not ready to live a life with responsibilities.

My eyes start to tear up, soon rolling down my cheeks. I look at myself in the mirror and it didn't feel like I'm in my body. It was someone else who was in the mirror, I laughed at the reflection of an unknown figure and looked away.

"Are you done Sungchan?" My mom called from downstairs. "Yes mom," I responded from the second floor. I made my way to the first floor.

The curtains were dancing along to the wind that was gushing into the room. I shut the windows closed and walked to the kitchen where mom is.

She sits at the table, all dressed up for work. She is wearing a white blouse underneath a black blazer, tucked in a black pencil skirt. Her hair is wavy, giving it volume and she smells like roses. "Pancakes?" She asked.

I didn't want her to ruin her outfit so I turned her offer down and went ahead to spread Nutella on a piece of bread. I bid her goodbye and went straight to school.

Right, I wouldn't say I hate school. I do hate it but I like it because I have friends that aren't toxic. They once told me that if I didn't have friends, I would most likely become a school shooter and I found it ridiculous. First of all, I don't even know how to hold a gun and even if I did, that comes to my second point which is money. I wouldn't want to waste my money on something I would use for a second only to end up getting jailed.

Now the next thing I like to think about as I walk to school is the idea of being loved and giving love. It's a topic that has been on my mind for a while and I was debating with myself between these two points.

Society tells you to pick someone who loves you instead of the person that you love. But when you think about it, wouldn't it be a bummer for the person that loves you? Because they're with someone that doesn't love them back. So no matter what, I would want to be with someone that loves me and I love them back equally. I want them to love me so that I can learn to love myself as much as they love me and I also want to teach them to love themselves as much as I love them. Make sense?

There is a little bit of positivity in me left. I hold on to them but sometimes I let them go because I feel like whatever I believe is true seems bullshit. But the positivity I will never let go of is the guy I like, Donghyuck. He's a ball of sunshine, as that is what people like to call him and I find it very cute.

I've developed a big crush on him since freshman. The moment I saw him, I wanted to know more about him. I was so intrigued by his presence and his voice when I walk past him. There's a lot of things about him that caught my attention. Even the littlest details about him are interesting like his moles that are scattered across his face and neck, his heart-shaped lips, and his doe eyes.

But I know that getting his attention is nearly impossible because of how popular he is and he's already surrounded by a lot of people, of course, he wouldn't notice me.


































But I know that getting his attention is nearly impossible because of how popular he is and he's already surrounded by a lot of people, of course, he wouldn't notice me

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