This is home - SungHyuck

- seven

"Sungchan honey wake up,"

I opened my eyes but immediately shut it close when the sunlight hits my face. I adjusted my eye sight to the surrounding while my mom laughs at me.

"Hey, I thought we should start the spring cleaning. I feel like there's a lot of stuff that are no more useful to us," she suggest. "Yeah sure, just give me a minute," she smiles happily and nodded. She pats my head and rest her palm on my cheeks. I buried myself in her palms, placing a soft kiss on it and smiled back. As usual, her palm smells like roses.

She left the room without saying anything. I could hear the storage room being opened up, meaning that she's already starting without me.

Putting that aside, I actually felt refreshing today after sleeping early, even though it took me time to really fall asleep. All of this happened thanks to Donghyuck. Speaking of the older, I realized that I've liked him for 3 years. I didn't specifically remember when I liked him, but that day was also the day I don't want to be reminded of.

Forget that, I haven't even told my mom that I'm gay. Its hard since I don't even know if she will accept me or not. What if she kicks me out? Where am I gonna stay? It requires a lot of courage to come out, yet it also requires a lot of time to build up that courage. What if I went too long to open up, that's even more worse.

"Hey, what are you still doing on the bed young man?" She barges into my room and pulled my blanket away. "Go take a bath, I'll make up the bed for you,"

"Thanks mom, I had a lot in mind,"

"First thing in the morning?"

"Sadly," I kissed her cheeks and went into the bathroom to wash myself. I squeezed a good amount of lavender-scented body wash on myself and shampoo on my hair. After rinsing, I went straight to the hair dryer and dried my hair a little bit.

I put on comfortable clothes and searched for my mom. I thought she was still in the storage room but apparently she went back to her room to start off with the small things first. I knocked on her door and opened it up. I saw her slamming a picture frame on her lap to hide it from me.

"There's nothing to hide mom. As if you don't do this like any other day," she lets out a sigh and picked it up, staring at it once again. "Dad is in a better place isn't he," I said softly, pulling her into a hug. She started sniffing and her tears dropped on her blue dress.

"I'll go now," I said before leaving her room. I thought it was best if I leave her alone so that she have more space for herself.

Mom was looking at a photo of herself and dad hugging each other. It looks like they were at a field, and there were a bunch or people at the back, also having fun with their loved ones. I wasn't in the picture since it was taken way before I was born.

Dad left the world when I was 12. He took his own life away, and till today, we still don't know the reason behind it. He left us a note, and it looked like it was written seconds before he did it since the tears on the paper weren't completely dry. I remember that day vividly. Everything was crystal clear and it was as if I was standing in the middle of a highway, staring at the sky dejectedly.

I hated myself for that. I felt like I was the cause of it because I was a burden to him. He went out all day to find money for me and mom, he worked his ass off everyday but I only returned home with bad grades.

I gulped down a glass of water and threw the plastic cup in the sink. I threw the thought out my head and sauntered into a room next to the kitchen. This room used to be his office, but it hasn't been touched ever since he died. Maybe once or twice, but overall, rarely.

Lets start with this room.

I entered the room slowly, and as expected, it looks the same. A little dusty here and there, and mom stored a bunch of things in here but that was about it. Nothing else.

The desk is still placed at the end of the room with black racks next to it. I started dusting of the table and rearranged the books scattered on the table. After that I moved on to the racks. There were family photos, work books, story books, even medals and trophies from his past competitions as a tennis player before becoming an accountant.

Later on, I noticed a space behind the rack. I went to look what was behind it and my heart dropped upon seeing the object. Never in my life would I imagine to come across this thing again. I remembered throwing it away in a trash can, but it looked like someone took it back and brought it here.

"Sungchan!" My mom called from outside. I ran out of the room and saw her standing in front of the door. "Sungchan, there you are! Your friend is here," she opens the door to reveal Donghyuck. He was smiling cutely with his glasses resting on the bridge of his nose. His hair is damped and he slicks it back to avoid it from covering his eyes. He was also holding a stack of book in his hand.

"Hyung," I whispered underneath my breath. It felt like he knows that I needed him right at this moment. "Come in sweetheart, here let me help you with the books," my mom offered to help but he told her that it was fine.

"Thanks mom, you can continue cleaning the house," I said with a glimpse of joy. "Wait, was I interrupting anything?" Donghyuck asked.

"No you didn't." I reassured him. Mom cut up a few fruits and brought it to my room. She left the both us alone to continue her cleaning session.

"That was unannounced," I giggled while pushing the unnecessary items on my table aside. "I texted you earlier but you didn't reply. I thought it would be fun to surprise you with a little bit of studying first thing in the morning but it seems like you were busy doing something else instead,"

"That's pretty cruel," I took the books away from him and placed them on the desk. I ran outside to get an extra chair for him to sit at and carried it back into my room, putting it next to mine.

"Hows the headache?"

"Its better now and thank you,"

"And why are you thanking me?"

"Cause you told me to sleep,"

"Okay," Donghyuck said, dragging the y for a whole second. We both sat down together and started studying. I missed out a lot on the basics, but gladly Donghyuck is here to help me out. It kind of surprised me that he didn't even complain or showed any reaction that my questions were annoying.

I sometimes get anxious about asking a question to someone because the last time I asked Shotaro, he got annoyed by it and got mad at me. I don't blame him though, I was a pain in the ass.

Speaking of Shotaro, I haven't seen him for days. I wanted to ask him if everything was fine, but I realized that I don't have any of his socials or phone number. We just hung out at school, to accompany each other and that was it. I appreciate him though, cause he's always there where I'm alone.

Throughout high school, I've always felt like no one wants to be friends with me. But Shotaro changed that and overtime, we became friends. Sadly that was it, its not a serious friendship. I don't know much about him, and so does he. It worries me that he is slowly disappearing out of my life because losing someone I love twice is already enough. I don't want anymore of that.