Sungchan swings the door to his mother's room slowly. He peeks inside to see if she was in there but she wasn't around. The boy wanted a massage from his mother because of the back pain he was currently having. He realized that he had been sleeping on his bedroom floor since last afternoon.
He sits on the edge of her bed, staring blankly at her sage dressing wardrobe. "Mom, where are you?" He asked himself. His mother hadn't been home for the past few days and she never told him where she was. He tried calling her but she never pick up the phone.
He proceeded to sit on a chair in front of her makeup desk. Her cosmetics were scattered across the table, unorganized. The bin under it was full, some of the trash were pouring out of it. He opens one of the drawer but it was empty except for a piece of paper. It seemed old and wrinkly.
He takes it out and unfolds it to see the content. It was a drawing of him, his mother and his father. "It was here this whole time," he whispers to himself. He knew his father had left a note for the family just like Sicheng and Shotaro but he never had the chance to look at it.
I love both of you, I really do
but I'm sorry.
Though the note was extremely short, Sungchan could swear that he felt the emotions put into it flowing into his body. The sadness of his father, the regrets and anger. It was all there, flooding his thoughts.
Sungchan remembered his mom telling him that father took his own life due to a work conflict between the company and him. She told him that a year after his death. He was still young that time, of course he wouldn't understand shit. He even thought his father pretended to be superman when he hanged himself. Turns out that his father had killed himself right in front of his own child.
When Sungchan noticed that his father wasn't moving, you could see the terror in his eyes. He thought it was joke, but it wasn't.
Now that he's all grown up, he didn't think that its just about work. There had to be more. He went downstairs and entered his father's office, where all of his belongings and files were.
He rummages through the document in hopes to find something interesting. Most of them were burnt projects from his company or maybe electrical bills that he had kept. Most of the files were either black or blue. It had been minutes yet Sungchan failed to find anything that brought interest to him.
It was then when he saw a purple file right underneath other piled up documents. The first few pages were just a picture of houses and the loan which he didn't understand.
"Jackpot," he smiles in victory when he found what he was looking for. His father's medical records. There were hundreds of copies of it. It did make sense to him that his father could've had a specific sickness that could possibly drain him out because of the pills he would consume daily when he was still alive.
the first few pages of the records were pretty normal. Pyrexia, tussis and records of his allergy. What caught his attention the most was one of the pages from a psychologist themselves. He had been diagnosed with PDD, persistent depressive disorder.
Sungchan knows that his mother had known about this but never had the guts to tell him. It infuriated him because of how long it has been since his father's death and by the fact that he figured it out himself.
The door creaks open, revealing his mother looking very worn out. "Sungchan sweetheart, what are you doing here?" She looks at the file that was on his lap and the paper he was holding. His mother lets out a sigh, plastering a weak smile on her face.
"So you found out huh," she walks in, closing the door behind her. "Why didn't you tell me mom? Why did I have to find out about this on my own?" He cries. The boy looks at her with madness in his eyes. "Sweetheart, I wanted to tell you about it but you were too young back then,"
"Back then mom! You could've just told me a few years ago? Its not that complicated for me to understand this matter,"
"I know but you still haven't moved on from his death and I didn't want to talk about a very sensitive topic with you," she tucks his hair behind his ears and held his face. "Sensitive or not I still deserve to know the truth,"
"Sungchan, we will never know the cause of someone's death who willingly take their own life. Even they don't know the reason why they wanted to do it. Its just something inside that has been keeping them on edge. This medical record is not the truth," she explained briefly.
It is true that his father didn't know the reason why he wanted to end his life. It was overwhelming for him from when he started marrying his mother, to getting a job and then having a child.
He never got the hang of living as an adult. He still had the teen spirit inside of him that he's not willing to let go. Being adult exhausted him and he hated every second of it. It was until he made a choice to end his life the day after he got promoted.
He didn't think things through and it was a spontaneous act. He saw a rope under the bed, tied himself up and hanged himself. Sungchan's father realized that he actually didn't want to kill himself, instead, he wanted to kill what was inside of him. His dwells on the past and the pain that was brought to him. Tears trickled down his face when he saw his son's face. It was too late for him to save himself.
He was choking for air and his sight got blurry. Sungchan's scream made him thought about the good times they had. His child was one of the reasons why he wanted to stay alive, and he felt the guilt building up in him as he dies, knowing that the boy he loves will grow up without a father figure to be with him.
When Sungchan was born, it was disastrous for both him and his wife. He clearly remembered using a protection when they did it. The moment Sungchan was pushed out of his mother's womb, he felt hatred towards the newborn whenever he sees him but the smile that was kept on Sungchan's face was angelic.
He realized that the boy wasn't a burden, he was a gift and a miracle. He got tons of clothes at a baby store just for the boy. He danced with him, thought him how to crawl, being his pillar when he first learned how to walk and run. He even read bedtime stories for him before he goes to sleep. Teaching him about animals by bringing him to a local zoo.
He will miss all the good times they had together. He made uncountable amount of mistakes in his life but this decision that he didn't think through will be the biggest out of all. His father wanted to turn back the time but there was no possibility. He had to accept fate, which is his death.
Everything went pitch black and he knew that he had wasted his precious life. The memories they made disappeared and he will never see his son again. "I'm sorry," the two words he said before leaving.
"Dad!" And that was the last word he heard before leaving the world.
(a/n : 600 READS LADIES THANK U SO MUCH FKAKDKSKAK I LOVE YALL!!! btw the comments are so funny ngl it made my day 😙)
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This is home - SungHyuck
Fanfiction| Sungchan x Donghyuck | "Please wait, Donghyuck. Wait for me," ★彡 In his little world, Sungchan was struggling to get out the hole he was trapped in but that changed when Donghyuck walked into his life, pulling him out of the hole. His life begin...
