Time to take a ✨oneshot✨

angst :(

Ring.

Ring.

"Lin Manuel Miranda?"

"This is he."

"You're listed as Jonathan Groff's emergency contact." Lin's heart plummeted.

"Wh-What happened?" he did his best to keep himself collected. Especially since other people were in the room. Being Tommy and Lac, it wouldn't be so terrible but regardless.

"There was a shooting on 33rd street. The bullet punctured an inch below his heart. We're going to have to put him into surgery."

"Where," Lin asked, breathless. Lac worriedly looked up from the keyboard, hearing the fright in Lin's tone.

"Mount Synai Queens Hospital."

"I'll be there." He hung up the phone.

He pocketed his phone, bracing a hand on the wall beside him. He couldn't breathe. His whole world seemed to be shattering before him.

Lac stood up, walking over.

"Lin? What's going on?"

"Jonathan," he panted, eyes jumping here and there, "he's- I- I need to go."

"Go," both Tommy and Lac knew not to argue. Something was wrong and he had to be there. Not here.

Lin grabbed his bag with shaky hands, opening the door. He stepped out onto the sidewalk, wringing his hands together. He had to be there. Had to be there. Why wasn't he there already? Why couldn't he teleport? What if he was too late?

The subway ride was a blur. His brain racked together all memory of him into a box- he'd never forgive himself if he forgot. The way he smelled. His voice. The way he looked at him. How his lips felt against his own.

How he drooled on the pillow every morning as Lin ran a hand through his hair. The way he clung to him like a lifeline under the sheets.

He almost missed his stop.

He made it to the front desk, chest heaving. "I'm here for Jonathan Groff."

"Room 203."

"Thank you," he remembered to smile at her before leaving to be polite.

Chewing on a fingernail, he stood outside the room, pacing relentlessly until someone let him in.

He ran to Groff's side, who was passed out, tubes stuck in his arms.

"Be mindful of his torso. I'll give you a moment alone," the doctor said, closing the door behind him.

Lin grabbed Jon's limp hand from the bed, bringing it to his lips. He could taste the salt of his own tears as they slipped down his face onto his fingers. Holding his hand, he felt a small squeeze and looked up.

Jon didn't open his eyes. But maybe he knew he was here.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there with you today," he whispered, resting his forehead on Jon's wrist. "I should've been there. It should've been me."

A tear rolled down his cheek. Down his neck, falling on his shoe. He watched it fall. Watched his heart fall with it. The doctor poked his head in.

"Mr. Miranda?"

"Yeah," he choked out, not turning his head.

"Could I speak to you outside for a moment?"

"Of course," he squeezed his fingers one more time, gulping down tears. "I love you," he whispered. No response. As expected.

They walked outside the room.

"So what is it?"

"Well we just thought it'd be best to let you know this surgery as a 50% survival rate." Lin looked up from the ground.

"Does that mean....." his voice was higher than he remembered.

"I'm afraid so. There's a 50% chance your friend's not gonna make it."

"He's not my friend he's the fucking love of my life I can't lose him!" he blurted. His eyes widened as he cleared his throat. "I'm sorry," he mumbled after a couple seconds, desperately trying to keep himself together.

"Don't worry you're not the first person to have a reaction."

"Is there any other way?"

"I'm afraid not. It has to be this and it has to be now."

10 hours later

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

"Hello?"

"Lac?" Lin breathed into the phone.

"Lin. Are you okay?"

"Can you um- can you come to Mount Synai Queens hospital? Quick. I can't. I can't breathe I- I can't do anything," he sobbed.

"I'm coming."

Lin was in the front room when he got there, curled in a ball in the corner, rocking back and forth. He ran up to him, sitting next to him and wrapped him in a tight hug.

"He's- he's....." he sobbed.

"Take your time Lin, it's okay."

"He's gone," Lin wailed into his shoulder, coming short of breath again. "I need him and he's gone......"

"Shhhh shhh I know, I know," Lac comforted, even as a tear rolled down his cheek, voice cracking. He needed to be there for him.