No Shame (Book 2 - No Regrets)

Chapter Forty-Eight - What We Lost

DOMINICK'S POV

Tyde reads Mollie her bedtime stories, usually three or four picture books, while I take a shower. Neither of us spoke more than a few words on the drive home. Mollie fell asleep shortly after we left the party, we both claimed that we didn't want to wake her by talking too much or turning on the radio.

Over the remainder of the evening, my foul mood has remained much unchanged. Despite my best efforts to lighten up for the sake of Mollie and Tyde. My final resort was the shower, I had hoped I could wash away all the negative emotions and thoughts running through my mind.

Among feeling betrayed by Katie, I am also consumed with terror for her. Contacting a man she has been lucky to never have met or known, all by herself without telling anyone, is one of the most reckless things she could ever have done. I stand in front of the fogged up mirror, my hands braced along the sides of the sink. I know I was cruel to her, I know that I reverted to being someone else, and I know it's illogical to blame her so harshly. Yet, I can't bring myself to let go off all the anger I feel, forgiveness seems unfathomable.

Katie knew, there's no way she couldn't have, the weight her actions would have on our family. She knows all the irreversible harm he has done, the lives he has ruined, and the people he has hurt.

Tyde is easing Mollie's bedroom door shut when I wake out of the bathroom. She carefully and quietly steps a few feet away before whispering, "She fell right asleep."

"That's good. It's been a long day for her." I reply. Though, Mollie and I already exchanged goodnight hugs-and-kisses when I tucked her in before my shower, I still think about tip-toeing in to give her a final goodnight-kiss.

"Dominick, we need to talk." Tyde says, her tone overrides the idea. Her face is serious and somber. An expression that foreshadows what is to come.

I turn off the bathroom light. "Alright then." I say, I do a deep inhale followed by a long exhale.

~~~~~~~~~

Tyde and I sit on opposites sides at the end of the bed, our backs facing each other. Tyde sniffles as she reaches for another tissue from the box beside her. She grabbed the tissue box from the bedside table almost immediately after entering the bedroom, clearly indicating what was to come.

We have both been silent for a while, maybe it's only been a few minutes or maybe it's been a few hours. Time seems to disintegrated. My folded hands hang between my legs, my eyes stare blankly at the floor. "Is there anything I can say to change your mind?" I ask, my tone sounds void of emotion, business-like. Though I had braced myself when I stood in the bathroom door for what was to come, my mind is still reeling.

"No." Tyde says, her voice is equally void. "I don't think there is."

I process her answer, my hands break apart and I rub my brow with my left hand. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No." Tyde answer. "Nothing you have done caused this."

"Then what did?" I stare at the wall.

Tyde lets out a shaky breath, "I... I realized that I..." She stops to take a few deep breaths to calm herself. "I need more than you can give me."

I know she doesn't mean materialistic things, that's never been who she is; and yet I still say, "I'm sorry I can't buy you everything you deserve to have."

"You know it's not that." She says.

A couple moments pass in silence before I reply, "Yeah. I know." I rest my hands on my bent knees. "What couldn't I give you?"

Tyde does not respond immediately, and when she does, her voice is so quiet. "A change." She answers.

My grip tightens on my knees, "What do you mean?"

"Dominick, all my life. I have never been first. Someone or something has always come before me." I hear Tyde grab another tissue. "Sperm donor bailed first chance he got, my mom chose whatever man made her feel special, my dad is incapable of caring for anyone beside himself, Linkon was too busy trying to escape to love anyone until Henry, and then with you," She stops.

Cold tears fall from my eyes and start down my face, "it's Mollie." I finish. "It's always going to be Mollie."

"And I know, I am the worst woman in the world." Tyde says.

I take a moment before I reach behind me. I adjust my body to where I am still not facing Tyde, as I can't bring myself to, but my hand is able to find hers. I lay my hand on top of hers. "No, you're not. You're human." And I understand.

I feel Tyde's other hand lay on top of mine. "I love Mollie." She says, she squeezes my hand. "I love her more than I ever thought a human heart could." She moves her hand out from under mine. "I am not what she needs, not right now, not how I am." Her voice and breath begins to shake, "I know she will be okay though, because she will have you. And she'll still have me, until... she doesn't need me anymore. We... we will find a way to make this work for her.. and for us."

A million things I want to say rush through my mind but not even a sound leaves my lips. Eventually, I draw my hand back and stand up, "It is late, you should stay here. I will take the couch tonight. We'll figure out how to proceed in the morning." I turn to look at her for the first time since this conversation started.

Tyde does a small nod. Her face is worn and a portrait of pain, a mirror image of my own. I reach out instinctively to comfort her, but I draw back my hand as she sinks away from my touch. I don't say a word and leave the bedroom.

Outside of the bedroom, on my way to the living room, everything hits me. My breathing becomes unsteady. My body sags against the wall as it slowly falls to the floor. My shoulders start to shake as the first wave crashes into me.

***AUTHOR'S NOTE**

Short, (not very) sweet, and to the point.

No, this is not a joke.

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