No Shame (Book 2 - No Regrets)

Chapter Eighteen - Selfish Gratitude

***IMPORTANT WARNING: This chapter contains tones/depictions of GRIEF and DEPRESSION. Please use discretion before reading, you will NOT miss any important content. If you feel yourself getting uneasy while reading but are worried about missing important content, please stop. You will NOT miss anything vital. Thank you.***

DOMINICK'S POV

When I woke up this morning, I could feel it would be a "Sad Day". That is the name I have given to days like this to explain to Mollie the unexplainable. She knows that both Tyde and I have Sad Days, and she knows a little bit about the events in the past that caused for sadness. As much as is appropriate to share with a toddler and as much as she can understand; which is that both Tyde and I had our feelings hurt in the past and we both lost people we loved very much.

Today Tyde is having a Sad Day. Mollie and I went out on a daddy-daughter date to get breakfast and went to the park afterwards to let Tyde rest. When we got back home around ten, Tyde was still in bed, awake but not ready to get up for the day. I put a movie on for Mollie and worked on laundry. Close to eleven, Tyde came out of the bedroom, dressed in a T-shirt and jeans. She thanked me for letting her rest and we shared a brief embrace.

Tyde and Mollie sat on the couch, Mollie happy to be finally getting her mommy morning-snuggles. After the movie finished, Tyde walked in the kitchen to make lunch.

"I can make some lunch or order pizza." I offer walking in to the kitchen. I place a hand on Tyde's arm, "You don't have to, if you don't feel like it." She looks so exhausted.

Tyde shakes her head, "I'm good to do this." She gives me a small smile, it does not reach her eyes. She gets the loaf of bread from the fridge, "After all, the world doesn't stop." She says as she undoes the twist-tie on the bread wrapper.

I say nothing, only watching as she grabs slices of cheese from the fridge next. She gets a skillet out and sets it on the stove. "He would have been five years old by now." She comments as she places a slice of margarine into the skillet that is still heating up. The slice of butter sits, slowly melting away at the edges. "He would be learning how to write letters and numbers. Isn't that crazy to think about?" She begins making the first grilled-cheese.

The sound of the toasting bread and melting cheese is all that fills the airwaves of the kitchen. I wait for Tyde to continue, and she does resume after getting started on another grilled cheese. "By this point, he would be smarter than Linkon." The small joke receives a light chuckle from both of us. Tyde starts down at the sandwich toasting in the skillet. "He would probably be Linkon's little shadow." Tyde's voice breaks, she wipes her eyes.

I step forward to take over but she stops me. "No, I'm okay. I can finish this." She says. She takes a deep breath, gathering herself. She continues working on lunch in silence, I stay in the kitchen with her, stepping out occasionally to ensure Mollie is staying out of mischief. Tyde makes a total of four grilled cheese sandwiches. "Mollie will need her sandwich cut up and she should also eat a fruit." She says.

She takes an apple out of the small fruit bowl on the counter. "I can finish up on her lunch, if you want to eat." I say stepping forward.

"I am capable of feeding our toddler." Tyde says.

"Of course, you are." I say. "I am only trying to help." I say as I undo the baby-lock on the drawer where we store the knives, scissor, and other cooking utensils.

"Are sure you're not trying to keep me from a knife?" Tyde says. She knows the dark joke is in bad taste. She lets out a low laugh. "Loosen up, you know I am only joking." She grabs a knife from the drawer and starts slicing up the apple. "After all, I need to make up for being a crappy aunt by being a good mommy for Mollie."