No Shame (Book 2 - No Regrets)

Chapter Thirty-Six - What We Had

DOMINICK'S POV

There are moments, very brief and rare moments, where I forget almost everything. I forget where I am, I forget where I have been, I forget about all I have accomplished, and I forget about all I failed to do. I am thrown back in time and returned to that place, where all I knew was the waiting.

Back then, I spent a lot of time in that place, I waited so long for both of them. For her. Especially for him. I wanted him to turn around, to look at me, to acknowledge me, even if only once. He never did.

I had one of those rare moments this morning. Tyde was already gone and on her way work. The moment came on suddenly, right as my alarm woke me up. Then, the moment ended, as it always does; and I remembered myself, where and who I am, as I always do. I turned off my alarm and started to get out of bed to start the usual weekday morning routine but abruptly stopped. I sat on the edge of my side of the bed. I stared blankly at the carpeting my feet rested on. My thoughts turned to a place in my memory I seldom allow it to go.

I spent years waiting for him, even for some time after I was adopted. I waited for her even longer, because I believed she would come back to me. She always had before. I might have had to wait minutes, hours, days, and even weeks, for her to clear her head; but she always would and always came back in one way or another.

That day at the playground, I knew she would come back for me. It was not the first time she had left to me to play alone but, because the police got to me before her, it was the last time.

I don't know when Mollie woke up, I don't know if she called out first or if somehow she instantly knew. The bedroom doorknob slowly turned as the door was eased open. Mollie poked her head in, without saying a word she finished pushing open the door. She crawled up onto the bed and laid down on Tyde's side of the bed. I felt her fingers tracing along my back as she laid silently behind me.

  When I snap out from my memories and fully regain myself, I feel no haste to get ready for the day. I look over my shoulder and meet Mollie's big green eyes. "Daddy's okay now." I whisper to her. Mollie withdraws her hands, tucking them into her chest and giving a little giggle. I lay back down on my side facing Mollie, our faces parallel to one another as we rest our heads on the pillows.

Mollie reaches over with one of her hands and rests it against the side of my face near my temple. Her hand feels a bit cold against my skin. I smile at her, "Daddy just had a sad memory." I take her hand and kiss her palm, "Your hand is cold, are you cold?"

Mollie nods her head. I reach down and pull the blankets up to Mollie's shoulder. "Let's warm you up, and then we'll get ready."

"Yes Daddy." Mollie says.

"Did you have good sleep and good dreams?" I ask her.

"Yes." Mollie answers confidently.

"I heard you up late last night, talking to a friend." I say. "Was it Nini again?" Little by little, Nini has become one of Mollie's more present imaginary friends. She "visits" a couple times a week, at most. Mollie, who already fights falling asleep, will spend between half an hour and an hour talking conversing if we don't intervene.

"Yeah." Mollie answers. "She a night time friend."

"Can we try to make her a daytime friend? Night time is for sleep." I say.

"No." Mollie answers.

I sigh, I give her a little smile. "Does Nini help you fall asleep?" I ask her.

"Yes." Mollie answers.

"Okay." I say. I stare at Mollie and find myself, once again, in awe of her. The facial features she inherited from Nikki have become more pronounced as she has grown. I can see her hair beginning to darken toward the roots, I predict eventually our eyes will be the only resemblance we have to one another. I am continually reminded that she is a blend of Nikki and I, in all ways; but also a person all her own at the same time.