No Shame (Book 2 - No Regrets)

Chapter Sixty-Six - Dynamite

HOURS PRIOR

KATIE'S POV

Christopher becomes a ghost before my eyes, all the coloring leaves his face. His hand raises from my shoulder and then drops to his side. His haunted eyes search mine with a desperation, one that tells me exactly what he's thinking. He's clinging on a sliver of hope that he misheard me, that the horrors I have spoken are not true.

I look away from him, "It was months ago." His breath catches. I give a small nod of my head.

Seconds pass by in the span of decades. "Katie." He doesn't say anything else, just my name. His voice sounds like it's being drug across gravel.

"I know it's a lot... and it's probably hard... to believe." I turn to look at him, to see his expression. Please believe me. I silently plead.

Christopher turns to look at me, his eyes squint almost in disbelief. "Hard to believe? Of course I believe you. I don't want it to be true but... Katie, of course I believe you." His hand starts to reach out but he stops, he drops it to his side. "Did you not tell me because you thought I wouldn't believe you?"

"Truthfully?" I let out a sigh, facing forward. "I never said anything, to anyone. I don't know exactly why. Maybe I thought that if I didn't talk about it, that maybe I could erase that it ever happened... that with time... I'd forget." I want to forget.

"You haven't told anyone?"

"Not until now."

"Katie, why... you should have- no, I'm sorry. You don't need to hear that."

"There's a lot I should have done." I scoff. I should have never gone to Jena's house. I should have never tried to run away, there was nothing to run away from, not really. All my reasons seem so petty, so insignificant.

I should have never left her room. I should have never gone into that game room. I should have never been alone with Garret. I should have screamed. I should have fought harder. I should have. I should have.

"Why didn't you go to the authorities right away?" he asks.

"All I could think of was how badly I just wanted to go home. Nothing else mattered. I just wanted to go home." My voice cracks before as I'm saying the last sentence. The tears start to come. "I didn't have a plan. I didn't want to think anymore."

"What about your parents?"

"This would destroy them. Not just them, it would destroy my family. We worked too hard to overcome everything, to get where we are, I couldn't become a new obstacle."

Christopher lets out a sound of disbelief, "Katie, you were... assaulted... surely, you can't actual believe that you'd be the one at fault in this."

"I don't. I know that I'm not at fault. I didn't ask for this, I didn't want this." my voice raises, my face scrunches up.

"I'm sorry... those weren't the right words... I... I don't have the right words."

"Then don't say anything." I say. "To anyone." I look over at him, my eyes shooting fire at his. "I swear, Christopher if you tell anyone, I will never forgive you. Never."

"I won't tell anyone." The words rush out of Christopher's lips. "Katie, I swear." He looks into my eyes. His eyes slowly soften, he takes out a deep breath. "Because Katie... you will."

"No." I turn away and shake my head. "No." My legs shake beneath me as I stand up. "I can't. I won't." I shake my head and slowly start backing away.

Christopher stands up, he slowly approaches me. "Katie, it's time." he holds his hand out.