No Shame (Book 2 - No Regrets)

Chapter Sixteen - Not a Thing

KATIE'S POV

My keyboard is mocking me. For the past hour, all I have been able to do is listen to music, stare at the start of a new email, and try to find the right words to say.

Three weeks have passed since I received the response from him. For three weeks, I have struggled with trying to think of what to say and keeping this a secret. Not even Christopher knows. As my dearest and closest friend, out of everyone in this world, he would be the first to know. As more time passes, the more anxious I become.

I let out a long sigh and exit out of the email-draft. I'll try again. I tell myself for the millionth time since I started trying to respond. Ironically, the only person who I think could give me an idea of what to say is the one person who can never know; at least not yet. If Dominick found out I contacted Cason, and then Cason contacted me, he would go directly to our parents, who would ground me till the day my grandchildren died of old age.

Maybe I should tell someone, at least one person, this is a lot for one person to handle. This man is not only my biological father, a contributor to my genetic code, but he is also the only person who can answer my burning questions.

Where has he been?

What has he been doing?

Is he married?

Has he ever thought about Dominick and I once? Does he even care?

I save the email, with only a short greeting written, as a draft for the hundredth time in weeks. I exit out of the browser and rest my head in my hands. Sh*t. Sh*t. I think to myself. That's it, you can't do this alone.

Picking my phone up, I think about what I am going to say. I go to call Sawyer but my finger stops short of pressing the call button. Sawyer is busy, he has a presentation he's been working on this week. He and I talked for an hour earlier today, he sounded stressed. A heavy sigh escapes from me as I throw myself down on to my bed. My phone fall beside me, I press my hands against my eyes as another heavy sigh escapes.

Then, my phone vibrates, I eagerly pick up my phone. I was not fully aware of how badly I wanted to talk to Sawyer until I feel slight disappointment to find the text is not from him. However, the disappointment is outweighed by a amusement at the funny photo Christopher has sent; and relief at having someone to talk to.

"Can I call?" I text him.

"Do you ever need to ask?" He replies a minute later. Before I can go to call him, his caller ID flashes on my screen. I answer immediately. "Don't freak out, okay?" I say.

"With a greeting like that, I can make no promises." Christopher replies.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Oh... wow." Christopher says after I finish relieving myself of the heavy burdening secret. "That is a lot..."

"I know." I say. One hand pressing the phone to my arm, the other massaging my temple. My legs hang over the side of my bed. "And I obviously can't tell my family because they will make me go Amish and probably file a restraining order against Cason until the day I die."

"Can't blame them entirely." Christopher says. "The man has not exactly painted himself to be a good father figure."

"Are you on their side?" I ask.