No Shame (Book 2 - No Regrets)

Chapter Seventeen - In the Darkness

DOMINICK'S POV

Attempted to pull an all-nighter to catch up on my notes; however, like a car, my fuel tank eventually became completely empty and I came to a screeching halt. More specifically I fell onto the bed and completely passed out. I do not have a recollection of when or how I ended up under the covers with my head on the pillow but that is where I find myself. I was sleeping like the dead until I was abruptly awoken. I jolt awake and find Tyde's hand both gently shaking and gently hitting my arm. The next thing I notice is a soft sound of babbling coming through on the baby monitor. Scooting over a little in the bed away from Tyde's hand, I let out a groan of exhaustion which earns the response of, "I get up for work in two hours." from my equally, possibly more, exhausted girlfriend.

I let out another exhausted groan before throwing off my covers and getting up from the bed. I nearly trip over the clothes that I had apparently lazily discarded on the floor when I went to bed earlier. I kick the clothes to the side of the room and gradually make my way to the door, feeling my way through both the darkness and my own exhaustion. Each step waking me up just enough to make it to the room next-door.

The bedroom is dimly lit up by two night lights and a tiny lamp on top of the dresser. The dim light illuminates the purple-pink colored walls decorated with "artwork" drawn by my daughter and flower wall decals. In the corner of the room is the twin bed where Mollie is seated. Contently talking to whichever her imagination has conquered up, she sees me come in and cracks a small smile. "Daddy." she says in a sweet voice. "Give me cuddles?"

I let out a soft chuckle. "I gave you a whole bunch of cuddles hours ago, now you need to sleep." I whisper to her. I take hold of the covers Mollie has kicked off and start re-tucking her in. "Lay down, and go back to sleep." I whisper to her.

"My friend." she argues.

"Your friend will understand, Daddy will talk to them and invite them to come back in the morning." I reply. "Right now, it is time to sleep. It is still dark, still bedtime."

"Cuddles please?" Mollie asks holding her hand out to me. I take her hand and give her palm a little kiss.

"Sleep Mollie." I say using a bit more authority to my voice as I tucked her arm back under the covers.

Mollie lets out a low whine, "I scared." she squeaks out. This is the usual tactic she pulls out as a the second to last resort to fight off going to bed. Before Mollie's fear of rainstorms and thunder subsided, shortly before her third birthday, Tyde or I would lay with Mollie in bed until she peacefully drifted off to sleep. Undoubtedly, being as clever as she is, Mollie figured that being scared equals cuddles. However, being three years old, Mollie does not realize we can tell when she is being genuine and when she is pulling an excuse, this instance is the later. "Please cuddle." Her big green eyes looking into mine.

"No but Daddy will here for two minutes." I say, partially caving in. I begin to rub Mollie back in a gentle circular motion. "Which friend were you talking to?" I ask. Mollie's regular group of imaginary friends consists of three characters. There is Sally, who a five year old girl with purple hair, Didi, a fluffy three-foot tall rabbit, and Max, a talking dog with yellow fur. All three have "come over"to the apartment for sleepovers. Mollie has imagined other friends for herself, but those three are the only ones to have stuck for longer than a week.

"Nini."Mollie answers.

Nini, that's a new one. I think. Exhaustion makes recalling the names of all the friends my toddler has imagined up difficult. "I see, well Nini will have to learn that we don't talk to friends when we are supposed to be sleeping." I say.

"Nini is bedtime friend." Mollie says in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Oh, well they will have to learn to be a daytime friend." I say. "No more talking now, okay? Daddy will keep rubbing your back for another minute. Close your eyes and go to sleep."

Mollie cuddles a bit deeper underneath her covers, she closes her eyes. I stay rubbing her back for a couple minutes. I lean down and give her a kiss goodnight before leaving the room to return to bed.

Tyde is sleeping heavily, I carefully get back into bed. I lay on my side and try to drift back off to sleep. No luck. I flip on to my back and close my eyes, attempting to find sleep. No luck. I flip on to my other side, then on to my stomach, then re-try the other side, and finally returning to laying on my back. Despite being exhausted, my body refuses to fall back asleep. I stare up through the darkness at the  ceiling. My mind fills with thoughts of the past, memories of life with Mollie. That's all my memories seem to be of these days. Life before Mollie seems like a fog not worth spending much time focused on.

Life immediately following the second trial, was focused on Mollie's recovery in the hospital, there was hardly any time to fully process all that happened. The memories are blurs of nurses,  meetings with doctors, paperwork, appointments with therapists, more paperwork, and more nurses. The day Mollie was given the all-clear and was able to come home, marked, for me, the first day Mollie and I's lives together truly began again. Everything with Mollie was different and new, while also feeling as if we were able to pick up where we left off.

Sleep-deprivation, mountains of diapers, toys everywhere, bottles piling up, and spit-up on clothes were all components of daily life once again. Balancing Mollie's recovery, appointments, school, and work made life was hectic and stressful than it had ever been before. Some days I would only sleep an hour before having to head to school. Some days I thought I would collapse from all the pressure and fatigue. On all the days, one smile from Mollie or one hug, and my spirits felt renewed.

The fact remains true even now, even as Mollie tests the limits more and more. One smile, one hug, one "I love you", and everything in the world is okay.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

Next chapter will focus (again) around Dominick, Tyde, and Mollie. After that I plan to have some Katie chapters and then an Aria chapter and so on and so forth.

Please feel free to comment, ask question, and share theories. I love reading your comments.

BIG announcement coming soon (within the next month, if all goes to plan. Working hard on something to thank everyone for their support)

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