No Shame (Book 2 - No Regrets)

Chapter Thirty-One - Once was Mine

ARIA'S POV

First time around, all the doctors will assure you that a miscarriage is natural and happens to the healthiest of women. The doctors will assure you that you are young and have time to try again. Second time, you'll get reassurances along with tests; but the end result is the same, assurance that you're healthy and can try again in a couple months. The reassurances become less and less with each subsequent one. Third. Fourth. And by the fifth, the doctor will tell you how sorry they are for your loss, offer to run tests, and send you home with medicine for the physical pain and maybe a brochure for a fertility specialist. I would be lying if I said that each one hurt less and less, or that I got used to the cramps, the blood, and the empty feeling.

I never planned to reveal any of the miscarriages. I am not ashamed or in denial. My silence on the topic is because they're mine, all of them. I don't want to share them. However, seeing Katie's face, her expression, I knew right away I had to do something. The look in her eyes is one I know very well.

No one else saw the pain. No one else spent two hours keeping a warm damp washcloth against the back of her neck while she sobbed. No one else could see how badly she needed to be saved, I had to do something.

Everyone has gone silent. No one speaks a word. No one moves.

I clear my throat a little again and take a sip of my water. "I was only five weeks along, very early stage." I make myself sound casual, as if saying the words allowed do not tear me apart.

"Oh f-" Dominick catches himself. "Shi-.. I mean.. oh wow, Aria.." he looks around, as if the right words to say is hiding around the table. "That's-"

"Awful." Tyde finishes, she places her hand on Dominick's arm. They share a look before she turns and reaches over to me with her other arm. "Do you need us to drive you to the emergency room to get checked out?" She asks.

"Oh, no." I say quickly. "I'm completely fine now. It was so early."

"Still, shouldn't you be sure that you... That your body.." Dominick clears his throat as he trails off. However, I am able to gather what he meant.

"I.. am going to be okay." I say. "It's still painful to talk about..."

"Of course, we can change the topic." Mr. Benji says. Katie meets my eyes, her eyes hold grattitude and sympathy. She hides her surprise well, accepting the cover I have given her. Too well.

~~~~~~~~~~

The night winds down after enjoying some ice cream in the living room after dinner. I express my gratitude at being invited and compliment the excellence of the meal before taking my leave. Dominick and Mollie walk me out to my car.

  Dominick picks Mollie up as we reach my car at the end of the driveway. "Aria, Tyde and I are very sorry you lost your baby."

"I know." I say. "Thank you for caring."

"Of course." Dominick says furrowing his eyebrows. "Aria, when I say you are family I mean it. If there is anything you need ever, anytbing, a meal, a listening ear, a ride somewhere, or even some money-"

"I know. You're too kind, Dominick. Thank you." I say. I reach over and take Mollie from his arms for a goodbye hug. "Fortunately for me, even without my parents, Nikki and I were each left with a generous trust fund." I look at Mollie, a strand of hair has come loose, I tuck the strand behind her ear. "Of course, Nikki's trust fund will remain untouched until Mollie can inherit. I will make sure of it."