No Shame (Book 2 - No Regrets)

Chapter Thirty-Two - What's Lost is Never to Be

KATIE'S POV

  The rest of the week passes, and I carry on in what can only be described as a robotic auto-pilot. Everyday falls into a routine of waking up, going to school, returning home, working on schoolwork, tending to basic life-sustaining tasks, and going to bed; and repeat. I let Christopher's calls go straight to voicemail and leave his texts on read. Strange how an experience can be extremely alike to another, while also being completely different.

A year ago, when Christopher rejected my affections. I fell into a identical similar routine; and his calls and messages met an identical fate. However, unlike Christopher's rejection, I feel more alone, more empty, and more exhausted.

I spend the weekend mostly in my room, sleeping and streaming all the shows I can. I lie and feign my monthly to avoid raising too much alarm with my parents. Mom and Dad take turns checking on me every couple of hours. I don't feel like telling them about Sawyer and I's break up. I don't feel like even admitting the truth to myself.

Sawyer did more than rip out my heart when he broke up with me. He left me to tumble into an abyss of humiliation, despair, and hopelessness. I want to hate him. I want to curse him. Above all else, I want him to be here, I want to feel his arms around me. I want him to tell me that there is hope for us, that there will be another day for us. I want him to come back, and tell me that he acted impulsively that he doesn't want this. However,  the call never comes, and I know it never will. He and I are done. For good. All we built over the years, all we worked to become and be, crumbled into nothing in the span of five minutes.

I muster up my strength as I enter Miss. Slandonu's classroom. I spot Christopher, our eyes meet, I lower my head and walk over to my desk. I feel his eyes on me as I stare straight ahead. Class goes on at an excruciating snail's pace, I hardly learn anything as Miss. Slandonu goes over practice problems covering factoring polynomials. When the bell rings releasing us, I place my notebook in my backpack. I take a deep breath as I stand up. I gather my courage and swallow down the nerves. "I hope you got Andrew Jackson for practice problem number five." I say turning to face him.

  Christopher stares at me as his expression morphs from surprise to happy relief. "Sorry, I got Chuck Norris." He zips up his backpack and the two of us walk out of class together. "Katie, I am so sorry about last week, about everything. I should have made Sawyer talk to you instead of covering for him. I was stupid."

I shake my head, "It's not your fault." I say. "Sawyer and I both knew we shouldn't have entered a relationship together but we still did."I keep walking toward my next class. "This was always going to happen."

Christopher sighs, "Even if that's what you believe, I am sorry for my hand in it."

"You did what you thought was right." I say.

"No, I didn't. You and I both know it was never right or my place." Christopher says. "I should never have overstepped. I should never have told him about that, what happened between you and I."

"Why did you tell him then?" I ask. "Was it because he's your family and you felt an obligation?"

"It's more than that, Katie. I need the you to know that, it's more than merely family ties." Christopher says extending his arm in front of me. "I am responsible for making sure my cousins, not only Sawyer, are taken care of. I owe that at least to them."

"I don't understand half of what you said, and I don't have the time to try to." I say moving past his arm. "I have to get to class."

"Wait, Katie." He says stopping me. "You and I, we're all good, right? We're still friends right?"