Stained

Chapter 132

My hand halts on my doors handle at the sight of Hayden running toward us.

'If only Damien fought for you the way his brother does for Hannah.' My naive subconscious crys.

I ignore her. She's the reason I love Damien. The reason my heart is now broken. I was okay with the mean voices because they were preventing me from loving, from having my heart broken — something she's accomplished.

Thanks to her, I've become what I promised myself I would never become: A girl who's crying over a guy who could never love her back. I actually promised to never fall in love, but I just had to go and surpass that, didn't I? If only I could do that with my predicted grades.

"Fuck me!" Hannah groans whipping around just as Hayden stops in front of her, a panting mess.

"Everything I've ever done is to protect you," Hayden cups Hannah's cheeks and she surprisingly lets him. "You're my whole fucking heart, I'd die if anything happened to you."

I spoke too soon: Hannah pulls his hands off her and the pained expression that covers Hayden's face is one I've never seen on him before. It's full of so much agony, I have to look away.

I instantly regret looking away; Damien's leaning against Hayden's Porsche, his expression sad as he watches me. Those sorrowful eyes tune out Hannah and Hayden until there's nothing left but him... and the voices inside my head.

'No one could ever love you.'

Then why can I hear my heart screaming he loves me back?

'Lies. He would leave as soon as he realised how much of a burden you are.'

If I'm such a big burden, then why hasn't my mum kicked me out yet? She easily could, I'm almost eighteen.

'You're ugly! He'll use you then leave once he's done.'

The voices become so loud, there's no room in my head for me to argue back. On the bright side, in the past, I've never been able to reprimand the voices as much as I have today. I seem to have broken a record since usually, I cower into a corner after one horrible comeback. 

'You wouldn't survive the heartbreak. Stay away from him, it's the only way your feelings will disappear. You'll end up pushing him away and he won't fight for you the way Hannah and Sarah do, he'll leave because you're nothing special for him to put up with your shit. SO STOP FUCKING HOPING!'

A tear dropping onto my cheek, snaps me back into reality.

Damien suddenly turns around and stomps toward the passenger door, he tugs on the doors handle but the door doesn't open. He then proceeds to yank on it but continues to meet resistance.

If the circumstances were different, id find this funny. But they're not because I realise Damien's running away from me. The anger which is radiating off him in huge waves as he pulls on the extremely expensive cars handle like it's nothing is unmistakable.

And then Damien does something that proves my point; he angrily slaps a hand against the roof of the car and kicks the tire.

I startle for the millionth time today.

The car starts beeping loudly, catching Hayden's attention. "What the fuck?!"

Damien ignores his brother and the flashing Porsche he just kicked and starts frantically pacing, tugging fistfuls of hair as he moves.

Once again, a lump begins forming in my throat, a massive sign I'm about to start pouring my eyes out. I quickly climb into my car and press my eyelids against the steering wheel, hoping the cold will help suppress my tears.