Stained

Chapter 40

"That's nothing to apologise for. It's a good thing to be cautious."

I visibly jolt. I don't know what I expected him to say but it most definitely wasn't that. I'm so used to people undermining my feelings so now that someone does understand, it feels... taboo. But once the sensation subsides, a bigger, stronger feeling arises within me: gratitude.

"Thank you." The smile on my face is so wide I'm almost sad he can't see it in the dark.

"For what?" He seems genuinely confused and it makes me want to kiss him so hard.

I try not to startle by the direction of my thoughts.

"For not making me feel like crap but mainly for understanding." I don't want validation, nor do I need it, however, it feels so nice to be understood instead of patronised over something I have zero control over.

People seem to think I choose to be like this. It's not a choice though, it's what the circumstances of my life have befallen, whether I liked it or not. And I most definitely don't like it. I hate it. But hating never does anything. I've been forced to accept it as my norm, by no one but myself. 

Damien sits up and reaches over his shoulder to turn the lamp on. He's wearing no shirt, the blanket pooled around his hips. I quickly avert my eyes.

"Whoever's made you feel like crap is fucking stupid. Your feelings are valid, don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

I give him a small grateful smile, lowering my head. I don't know why but I suddenly feel shy. It's probably because I'm not used to this so I don't know how to react. 

My hair cascades over my face and Damien brushes it behind my ear with his finger, causing me to lift my head to look at him. My eyes flit down to his lips and before I know what's happening, I'm leaning forward and pressing mine against his. It's a single kiss but it travels all the way down to my toes, electrifying every cell in my body.

He moves to deepen the kiss but his words from the library still disturb my conscious and I pull away, rest my forehead against his, my lips hovering inches away from his. "Sleep on the bed," I breathe.

"Rose—."

"Beside me." I open my eyes and stare into his emerald ones, his pupils dilate, encasing almost his entire iris. "Please," I whisper. I don't know why I'm whispering when we're the only ones in this room. In this apartment. I don't even know why I kissed him. Only that it felt right. Feels right for some unexplainable reason.

"Are you sure?" He mumbles, staring at my lips.

I nod my head yes. I love how he always asks if I'm sure.

He cups my cheek. "Words rose, I need words."

"Yes." I gasp when his thumb leisurely begins stroking my cheek.

He moves onto his knees and picks me up, bridal style. I wrap my arms around his neck and he gently lays me on the bed. He lets go and straightens. My eyes move down to his naked form and I blush. He's only wearing boxers.

"Do you want me to put some clothes on?" He asks and there's no mockery behind his tone, just pure consideration toward my contentment.