Stained

Chapter 118

Karma infiltrates my mind. A twist of fate. It's gone as fast as it came. I saved him from a huge burden. How can that be karma?

His eyes widen, the sclera of them tinging red as he staggers back a step as if my words physically struck him. "W... what?" His voice trembles.

Unbidden, guilt inflates in my stomach. My face twists with anguish and I squeeze my eyes shut turning my head to the side. Tears force their way out and roll down my cheeks.

'You brought this on yourself. Should have listened and stayed away.'

The demons in my head were right all along. They warned me, told me to stay away, push him away and I did but the regret and guilt and hurt that pierced me from doing so was unfathomable.

It turns out it was all for nothing.

From this moment onward, I promise to never ignore the voices ever again. If I listened to them from the beginning I wouldn't be hurting so much now.

"I'm sorry."

My heart leaps in my chest, jolting my eyes open. I hate the way my body reacts every time he utters the word.

Hate? Do I hate him? I know I hate myself for bringing more pain on myself when I had precisely set rules and regulations in place to prevent me from this exact moment and then went and ignored them all for him... for absolutely nothing.

I knew words that hold meaning and emotion are simply just words to guys, something that could easily be taken away at any moment. Still, I believed they were real and meant more when they came out of his mouth.

"Say something," he begs desperately. "Please."

With my face downcast, I shake my head, tipping my head toward my ear in a shrug as if to say, I don't have anything to say.

"Please don't do this..." he pleads.

Pushing people away is what I'm best at though. It's a natural tendency and it's what the voices are beseeching me to do. And I promised to never ignore them ever again.

He grabs my arm. I pull away, twisting around. "Please don't. Just let it go. Let me go," I beg walking backwards. I can't take anymore.