Stained

Chapter 87

I had a mental breakdown and revealed to her and Sarah I would never allow myself to be with anyone. Fall in love with anyone. In a moment of weakness and she used that against me.

Something I've never admitted to anyone.

She knows what happened to me. She knows what brought me to this position. She knows it all because I trusted her and told her! And then she goes and...

"Drive Hannah home for me," I say, rushing past Hayden and Damien at the counter, ignoring Hannah shouting my name behind me.

She grabs my arm just as I'm about to open the door. Seething, I flip around. "Don't touch me!" I scream. I freeze seeing it isn't Hannah who grabbed my arm, but Damien. He immediately lets go.

I cover my mouth with my hand, containing the sob that threatens to rip out of me. His eyes convey worry and he takes a step forward as if prepared to grab me and pull me into his arms.

I want that. I want that soo badly I feel like I won't be able to take my next breath if he doesn't. Instead, I betray my body's need and shake my head, my tears blurring my vision as I whirl around and sprint out of there.

It's funny how I said I wouldn't run out of there because of Damien, yet I am running and not because of him... but my own best friend.

"Hazel, I'm sorry!" Hannah shouts from behind me. "I wasn't thinking when I said it! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it. Hazel stop!"

Tears streak down my cheeks like a waterfall. Where did I park my car again? Crap Hannah has my keys.

Stopping, I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand and turn around. Hannah almost bumps into me from my sudden halt.

Dropping my gaze to the ground, I hold out my hand. "Give me my keys."

"I'm sorry. It just came out of me. I didn't mean to say it," she cries, making no move to pass me my keys.

I need to dig my nails into my palm to prevent the inevitable, but my good hand is out between us and my other is in a cast.

"Give. Me. My. Keys," I repeat, much sharper this time.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she weeps.

I don't look at her, I keep my eyes pinned on the ground.

I need space. I need a distraction from the memories...  to cut. I need to cut. Memories run through my head; him pushing the table away from me. Him—

"I'm so so sorry. I didn't think, ok, I was angry and I was upset and confused and—."

"And what Hannah!" I lift my gaze to the tears streaming down her cheeks, a mirror to mine. "And what! You know—." a sob wracks out of me. "—You know everything. You know what happened. You know what he did. You know it all Hannah. You know it all!"

She pulls me into a hug. I close my eyes but I don't fight her off. Though, I don't hug her back either.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I wasn't... I wasn't thinking. I didn't realise what I was saying until I saw your face fall. I would never say that to you. I would never use that against you, I swear. I love you, you're my best friend. You're my sister."

'She didn't mean to do it, Hazel,' a voice tells me, a kind one.

'Yes, she did, she wanted to hurt you, she doesn't care about you,' a meaner voice retaliates.

'Look at how upset she is,' that kind voice speaks up again.

'She knows what happened to you, yet she wanted the upper hand so she said that, because she's Hannah and Hannah always has the upper hand,' that mean voice taunts, again.

'You need to understand that she's upset too. She hasn't been in the right mindset lately. Remember her mental breakdown? It hasn't even been more than two days since then.'  

'Hannah doesn't like you, she's only friends with you because she pitty's you, just like Ianna.'

No! I push the mean voice away. Hannah loves me and she's nothing like Ianna.

I hug her back. "It's okay, I know. I forgive you."

"I love you too, and I'm sorry, so so—."

A loud ringing startles us both. I open my eyes and am shocked and horrified to see Damien and Hayden standing a couple ft away.

I pull away from her and wipe the tears away, trying to seem composed now that we've reconciled. In reality, I'm panicking on the inside. We cried in front of Damien and Hayden. I ran out of Starbucks crying. I screamed at Damien. And he and Hayden heard mine and Hannah's painful exchange.

Hannah turns around to see the source of the loud ringing. "Ever heard of privacy," she shouts and her voice comes out groggy from crying. Hayden's hard eyes diminish.

I don't look at Damien. Fear over what he must have heard won't let me. He once asked who scared me, and I broke down crying and tried to leave his house barefoot, in just his boxers and t-shirt.

"Hannah we've got to go," I tell her.

Hannah interlaces our fingers and pulls us away from the boys without another word.

"Hazel," Damien calls, making me stop.