Stained

Chapter 119

Damien's chin drops to his chest. I think he's finally given up but then all of a sudden, he whips his head up and blurts out in a single breath, "I was trying to forget about you."

I freeze, my entire body turning as rigid as a statue.

He begins approaching me like I'm a skittish cat as my head works in overdrive to process his words. "I didn't go to her house to hurt you. I went to her house to forget about you. But I couldn't touch her — couldn't let her touch me. Since you..." he glances away as if it's difficult for him to continue but then he brings his gaze back to mine, and I hate that he does because the misery in his eyes nearly kills me. I know without a doubt that if I continue to look at him, the emotion in his eyes will not only mentally throw me off balance but also physically, so I turn my back to him.

Soon enough, I'm feeling the heat of his body on my spine. "Since I met you, I haven't been able to touch anyone. Or let them touch me."

And just like that, the last of my resolve crumbles. I clamp a hand over my mouth, clutching my stomach so hard with the other my nails dig into my skin through the shirt. But it is not enough to drown out the pain hammering through every cell in my body.

This is so much worse than him going to her house to hurt me.

I whirl around, almost bumping into him but step away just in time. "That doesn't change anything, Damien. It doesn't make me feel better. It makes me feel worse because it shows how replaceable I am." Just like I was to my semen donor, Alejandro and Iana. I'll never be good enough for anyone.

His eyes bulge with alarm. "No one can replace you."

"You're such a liar," an embarrassing hiccup escapes me. "I'll never be good enough for anyone so they'll find what I can't give them from someone else. Exactly like you did with Olivia."

It hurts. It hurts so much that I want to reach inside my chest and rip out my heart. The ugly thing has caused me nothing but pain anyway. 

"But I got nothing from her. I left before anything could happen. I didn't even get hard for her."

I recoil at the last thing. "Well, maybe you should start questioning your sexuality."

"I'm straight," he says matter of fact.

"Clearly you aren't if..." I trail off, blushing despite my heart breaking into a million tiny fragmented pieces.

He raises a sceptical brow. "If I can't get hard for any other girl but you?"

I feel myself turn into a tomato. "It doesn't matter. We should go." It changes nothing. And he could be lying for all I know. Guys are really good at that.

"Tell me what I have to do for you to forgive me..." I don't know if it's the tears blurring my vision tricking me or the fact I'm not wearing my glasses but his eyes appear bloodshot. "I'll do fucking anything."

The massive painful lump in my throat makes it difficult for me to say my next words. "Stay away from me."

"You think I haven't tried? I can't..." he stops suddenly and I know without a single doubt it's because of my expression — undiluted agony I'm incapable of containing. "Is that what you really want? Will that erase the tears in your eyes and make you happy?"