Stained

Chapter 90

... as if to reach out for me. I want him to, more than I've ever wanted my heart to stop dead in my chest. And I've never wanted anything more than to not be alive anymore, yet his touch trumps it. I need it. Ache for it. He's the only who makes me feel alive and I'm tired of feeling like a walking talking corpse. For wishing for death despite it always slipping out of my hands.

I part my lips to say something, say what, I don't know. I don't get the chance to find out either; in the next second his face hardens, the hand that was inching toward me drops to the door handle and he gets out. Without sparing a single glance back at me, he walks away, taking what's left of my heart with him.

He left. Again. And I didn't even tell him to this time.

Hannah jumps into the passenger seat from the centre console, startling my tears away. I was crying? When did I start crying? Before or after he left? Is that why he left? Suddenly, a tear drops onto my cheek. I quickly wipe it and blink the rest away before Hannah notices.

"Well, that was intense".

"What was?" I feign clueless as I check my surroundings and then put my car in reverse, trying to ignore that I told her I would tell her about Damien once we we're alone. Well, we're most definitely alone now.

I hope she's forgotten. I need more time. I'm not ready yet. I don't think I'll ever be, to be honest. Especially not now, not when my heart feels like it's breaking over and over again.

"That eye contact," she fans herself dramatically.

I chuckle, despite the shredding pain in my chest. What's wrong with me?

"Seriously though, explain," she orders, putting her seatbelt on.

Annnd she didn't forget. I sigh. Here we go.

I explain to her our first encounter, the water fountain, the classroom, the gym and when I tell her about my hand she gives me a one-minute long lecture then forces me to continue.

I tell her about Estella's party, my house, his house, how I woke up in his arms. That we had a little intimate moment but I didn't go into detail when she asked.

When I begin telling her about the hospital she doesn't let me finish. Thinking he left me there, she grabs her phone to dial Hayden's number so she can give Damien an earful through him. I literally have to park the car and pry the phone out of her hands.

If Sarah was here... I mentally shake my head at myself. Those two verses me. Let's just say I wouldn't have been able to stop Hannah.

She calms down after I tell her the whole story.

I tell her about Rosie liking him. That we slept in my tiny bed together, and how he took care of me when I was dying from period pain.

She is ecstatic about him getting my broken window replaced. I'm unable to hide my relief over it. The past few days with it have been cosy and warm, to say the least.

She says she's going to enjoy not waking up in a freezer for the first time since she started sleeping over. I laugh at that.

I recount him beating up a guy for slapping my ass. Then finally our almost kiss disturbed by a cute toddler.

What I don't divulge is how I used Damien to hurt myself that morning in my bedroom. Or how I broke down in front of him. Or how he saw my scars and cleaned them.

I'll tell her that when I'm not driving. Or maybe once he's out of my head. Or maybe never. The latter sounds better. I don't want her to think I'm crazy.

"Do you have feelings for him?" Hannah questions slowly like she's afraid to hear the answer.

Her words unexpectedly hit me hard, whooshing all the oxygen out of my lungs. I'm grateful for her sake and others around us we're at a red light.

I suck my lower lip into my mouth and nervously glance at her.

Recognition fills her eyes. "You don't know?" She drawls.

I shake my head, my eyes wide with panic.

I hope not. But my emotions beg to differ.

Hannah smiles sadly.

"I've scarcely conversed with Damien," she begins. "Although I don't think I can call it that. He didn't exactly reciprocate with words."

I chuckle. "Then what was it?"

"Me screaming at him." She laughs. "You remember the day I found out Hayden's huge secret?" I nod. I could never forget. "Well, it was all thanks to Damien Axel Hunter. It's a funny story. I'd finished Uni but it was hailing cats and dogs and my dad wasn't answering my phone or messages. Hayden was hours away on business —" She punctuates the words with finger speech marks "—  so he sent lovely Damien because a taxi was out of the question."

I smile to myself. She might have said it as a taunt but Damien can be lovely when he wants to be. I've seen it first hand.

And then I thanked him by kicking him out. However, he would have ran away from me sooner or later. If there was a Cristal ball and I could show him what he would experience if he stayed he would leave in a heartbeat.

Hannah's voice snaps me out of my thoughts.

"The car ride was boring as fuck. I tried instigating conversation a couple of times but the guy acted like I was a ghost. Anyways, his phone buzzed with a message. FYI, I wasn't snooping it caught my eye when it buzzed. Plus it wasn't turned the other way. Well, it was a message from Hayden, telling Damien what his excuse for not picking me up was."

"I flipped. I literally flipped. I thought he was out cheating. I didn't know what to make of the message. I started screaming and shouting. Gotta give it to the guy, he ignored me for a good five minutes, but when it became too much he blurted it all out. And then I lost it as you know all too well."

I nod my head yes. I do. Vividly. She rang me screaming he was a lying pig.

A laugh bursts out of her. "After that he never made Damien pick me up again, or any of his friends for that matter.

I laugh, less at her and more at the fact Damien would never do it again.

"One time I took Damien's phone number out of Hayden's phone and threatened to annoy Damien til he told me what he was keeping from me."

I smile. He'll ignore you, but if you pester him too much hell snap and blurt everything out.

'Because I fucking care about you.'

My smile dissipates at the memory.

"Are they close?" I ask to distract myself. Damien said, 'not really' but I know Hayden's very protective of Hannah and wouldn't trust just anyone to pick her up.

"Who? Hayden and Damien?"

"Yeah, Damien said he's known him since high school," I say, pulling up into McDonald's drive-thru.

"That's a lie."