Shadows (Patrick Kane)

(19) Home

Sophia

After driving all day we arrive in Buffalo late. So we just go to the house and unpack before turning in for the night. Patrick shows me around this house he rents out for the summers and it was a cute little place. Nothing too crazy but defiantly a place he can call home. He could have gotten a apartment but he wanted to be closer to his family who was just a street over. So we spend the next day getting comfortable, I set up my room how I like it and I decide that I'm gonna love it here.

Now that it's July I was in full summer mode. Crop tops and flip flops, the best way to live. And I get to see how Patrick lives when he's not in Chicago. I meet his friends and like always we find ourselves in a bar. This bar was a lot more calm and a lot cleaner than the ones I've been used to back in Chicago. But they had some good looking food and cheaper drinks so I knew it was going to be a good night.

"Come on Patty, how did you pull such a beautiful girl" his drunken friend asks as he tries his best to point at me. We have been out for a while but I was starting to think we've been out a little too long  

"Well, like I've told you a million times now Fred, we're just friends" Patrick tries.

"Yeah! Girl... friend" Fred tries as Patrick shakes his head. What a mess this was.

"I am so sorry for him" Patrick says a she turns to me. "I don't bring a lot of girls home."

"I can tell" I giggle.

"You want to dance, you know, away from my friends" he asks me.

"We haven't danced in a while" I notice.

"Well, new place, new songs" he shrugs.

I reach out and he grabs my hand. I pull him to the dance floor and we waste no time closing the space between us. I feel his hands rest on my lower back as I throw my arms around his neck. Our bodies move to the beat as one as my heart starts to race. My fingers get locked in his hair as he pulls me closer. The space between us nothing but a memory as I feel his body conform to mine.

I get lost in his ocean blue eyes trying to find the shore. Trying to find something that makes the way I feel make some more sense. But like always I get caught go in the waves.

After a few songs we agree to drink up again. We hang out with his friends and have a really good time but it starts to get late. Eventually we drunkenly stumble out of the bar and into a cab to his house. We try not to knock anything over as we find our way through the doorway.

"You're friends are really fun, I get why you like them so much" I hiccup.

"They're idiots. But they're my idiots" he giggles.

"This place is awesome. I see why you come back every summer" I admit.

"What about you? You've been everywhere since you graduated high school. Milan. Japan. Chicago. New York. You ever go home" he asks me.

I just roll my eyes as a soft sigh passes my lips. "I actually haven't. Hence why my dad made that snarky comment about it at that dinner. But I never had that sense of home. Denver was my dads city, I didn't feel like I belonged there just because that's where I grew up. That place never felt like mine. And I don't mean that wherever I am I need to be the center of attention. If anything I want to be left the hell alone when I'm there. But every time I'm back in Colorado people are asking me about dad. Trying to figure out where my brother was going to go. People were friends with me just because of who I was or they wanted to date my brother because they knew he would be in the NFL. My dads side of the family thinks I'm the trouble child, but I was just a troubled child. And I wish I could go back and have a sense of being around people who enjoy my presence. I wish I had childhood friends who I want to go visit.

But for as long as I can remember I never had a sense of home. Not Texas or Wisconsin, not even Chicago yet. I went out searching for answers everywhere, land, sea, the air. And in all my searching I guess I never found something worth coming back to" I sigh.

Patrick reaches over and grabs my hand as he laces his fingers through mine. He softly kisses the back of my hand making me feel all warm inside. "Maybe... maybe home isn't a place. Maybe is a feeling. Like being drunk" he smiles.

"That was almost sweet" I giggle.

"But seriously. I don't think you should think home as a place. It's wherever you are because it really is a feeling. Even when I'm in Chicago my family can come out and I feel home. Or if I'm out on the ice in enemy territory I still feel home because ice is my home. So in a sense Buffalo isn't my home, but rather a place where I feel like I belong and so I call it home.

Maybe... maybe we spend all of this time out looking for a home only to find out it's been within us all along" he tries.

"Patsy that was beautiful" I admit.

"I'm so happy you'll be too drunk to remember this tomorrow" he teases.

"I don't want to forget. I like it when you say stuff like that" I pout.

"Well don't get used to it" he smirks.

We go back to our respective rooms and I change and throw my hair up. After brushing my teeth and drinking a whole glass of water I crawl into bed and try and get things to stop being so loud. But still being tipsy sent my brain into overdrive. I think about how I missed the feeling on my body molding with Patrick's, the smell of his cologne, that infectious smile he found once he got here. His eyes seemed brighter and I am sure it's from him finally being home. He has his home and I hope I find mine too.

Suddenly the door creeks and I see Patrick standing in the doorway. He doesn't say anything as he grabs a hand full of curls.

"Are you okay" I ask him.

"Can I sleep with you" he mumbles.

"Of course Pat. But you didn't answer me" I remind him.

"I'll be fine. I just got a killer headache and I miss you" he says.

I smile to myself as I open up my blankets. He crawls in next to me wasting no time wrapping me in his arms. I reach for his face as I try to read him. He was defiantly still drunk but he was a emotional drunk.

"Thanks for showing me your home. It's beautiful" I say softly as he smiles at me.

"So are you" he claims as I roll my eyes. Should have seen that coming.