Shadows (Patrick Kane)

(41) After All This Time

Sophia

Now that both hockey and football season was in full effect my scheduling gets a little crazy. We have game day specials and a bunch of guest interviews from former players and I was asked to travel for some segments. I was busy but for the first time maybe ever I felt fulfilled.

"Remind me why you brought me shopping with you" Henry asks as we walk around downtown. The weather was perfect for a stroll and a few stops in the stores.

"Because you have no friends outside of the organization and no one on your team wants hang out with you and watch you read books" I tease.

"I have friends" he argues.

"Okay. Becasue you have no single friends or friends in a relationship that would rather hang out with you than their significant other" I reiterate.

"I have Patrick" he tries.

"Patrick is in New York and if it was up to him he would chose me over you in a heart beat" I remind him. There's never a bad time to put your brother in his place.

"Okay. But you're the one who is stuck with me so who is the loser now" he jokes.

"You have a point" I smirk as he playfully hits my shoulder.

We walk into yet another store as I look at the clothes. I try not to be materialistic but I love fashion. Chicago has great locally owned stores where people make clothing and I enjoy wearing them. Especially if I can get on tv in them and support this city who supports me and my family.

As I collect a few things to try on I feel a pair of eyes on me. I look around the store to see if Henry had some fans or if someone recognized me. It doesn't happen often but it happens.

Finally I find a older lady just standing in the middle of the store. She had on a black shirt and a pair of jeans. Long brown curly hair and eyes just like mine.

The spit gets stuck in my throat as I start to connect the dots. My brain knew it was my mother but my heart convinced me that I was never going to see her again. It's been so long so what's the point, you know? Why would she turn up after not saying a word for decades?

But it was her. Or maybe my mind playing tricks on me. My brother shows up in Chicago with my dad, what are the odds she shows up too? How did Chicago become a place for family when Denver was never like that?

She slowly walks towards me and I take a step back. But I stop myself because as a kid I wanted this. I prayed for this exact moment. I imagined it in my head, what it would be like seeing her again. Practiced what I would say. This is nothing like what I had in mind but life always seems to work that way.

Her feet stop a few inches in front of me as she looks me over. The tears come up as I try to keep breathing normally. Try to wrap my brain around this moment but I was all messed up.

"Look at you Posey, you're so beautiful" she smiles as she looks me over again. Her eyes getting glassy as they try to refamiliarize herself with me. But so much has changed since she saw me last.

"Mother" I whisper.

"How... how have you been" she asks.

"Fine, I guess. You would have known that if you ever came back just to see us. Even send a card or make it possible to find you" I claim.

Her demeanor changes as regret fills her face. She shakes her head as she lets out a sigh.

"I was always around. I know you were a Dallas cowboy cheerleader and a flight attendant. You went to college in Dallas and Madison and you even played football in high school. I know Henry went to school in Georgia, even went to a few of his games. I was always there but never close enough to make contact" she claims.

"Then why couldn't you have said something? You were just gone and Henry and I were left with dad who hadn't the slightest clue as to how to raise a kid let alone two. If you didn't love him anymore that's fine, I guess. I get it. But what did we do for you to stop loving us" I wonder. My bottom lip starting to quiver as I try my hardest to hold it together.

"I never stopped loving you" she says softly.

"You understand why I don't believe you, right" I ask as she slowly nods her head. "I had four step mothers and even if they were decent people I wouldn't have cared because they weren't you. They couldn't give me closure. Instead I grew up in a household where it was a endless cycle of bad nannies and dad flat out ignoring us because you left. I used to sit there by the door and pray that you would walk through it again. 

Then one day I woke up and went to go to the door to wait and I stopped. I realized I could no longer rely on you. Not dad or any of his bimbos. It was me and Henry then it was just me. I went cold because feeling cold was better than feeling empty because you left. And now I spend my time going around the world not knowing where I'm going because I spent so much of my life looking for you" I explain.

"I changed my last name back. I went home for a while and tried to figure some things out" she tries.

"Then you decided that it was best if you never talk to your kids again" I question.

"I wanted to. I almost went up to you when you graduated from middle school to high school. Or when I nearly ran into your brother at the Bears game. But I... I didn't know what to say" she claims.

"I'm sorry is a good place to start. I grew up hating this world because you weren't around. I push everyone away because I want to do it to them before they do it to me. Just like you did. I never fell in love because what would I know? I thought love was real but then the one person in my life who made me with love took it all away" I whisper.

I bring my hand up to wipe a tear away as she lets out a sigh. This wasn't the time or place for this but our family affairs always seem to get messy.

"Hey Soph I found these really cool shoes for games but I want to know if you're going to roast me for wearing them on CSN" Henry says as he appears out of the wild. I see him holding up the most hideous pair of shoes I have ever seen and would most definitely roast him on tv for.

He suddenly stops once he realizes something was wrong here. His head turns ever so slightly until it stops when he sees our mother there. He nearly drops his shoes and his jaw at the same time.

"Mom" he asks.

"Hey Hank" she says with a small smile.

"Hold on hold on hold on, why are you here" he asks.

"I'm not sure there's a good explanation, after all this time" my mom admits. I have to agree.

"You have a lot of nerve showing up" Henry claims and my eyes grow big. I did not expect this reaction from him, he always wanted mom back. But even the softest of us hardens after a while.

"I didn't come to mess things up-" she tries.

"You know Sophie was the only person in my life that was like a mom to me" Henry interrupts. "She taught me to cook and care for myself and how to survive, right after she had to figure it all out for herself. And she never complained, she never talked shit about you. She kept my head up and is the only reason I even made it to this level. She was everything you were supposed to be and she was just a kid. You can't give her her childhood back. What did you expect to happen when you just show up after all this time" he asks.

"I don't know" she sighs. "I guess I just wanted to see you."

"Well here we are. And now we're leaving" Henry claims as he grabs my wrist. He picks up the ugly ass shoes and whisks us away. I look back at my mom who looked like she wanted to say something but doesn't. She never did and that was the issue.