Shadows (Patrick Kane)

(34) Impressionable

Patrick

Some of my favorite parts of being a professional athlete is traveling. Especially into cities where people might not know who I am. It gives me the freedom to go out and not get recognized. It's not exactly that easy anymore. Being rookie of the year and a two time Stanley cup champion I can't exactly walk around unnoticed. But in places like New Jersey where hockey isn't that big of a sport and we haven't played them in big games like Boston or Philly I feel a little better walking around. I can throw a hood up and no one says much to me.

Today I decide to go to a Buffalo Wild Wings and get some food. I go by myself because I knew if the boys joined I would be much more tempted to drink. I'm still working on leaning away from the substance that has often times led to my issues but I still like the atmosphere of sports bars. Plus the Bears play tonight and I didn't get the channel in my room so I went somewhere where I can watch.

I sit in front of the only TV playing the Bears game out of the dozens of tv's in here and order some food and a water. I keep to myself as I watch warm ups. The game was on CBS and I hope they were being nice to Henry on there. The only person allowed to talk crap about him on game days was his sister.

As I sip on my water and enjoy some wings even when I'm not really supposed to I kinda space out. It happens a lot more than I would like to admit but my headspace has a lot of space and I tend to get lost in it. It's not really a bad thing but damn do I wish I knew where my brain was going sometimes.

And like a lot of times recently my mind drifts off to Sophie. She was in Minnesota covering the game there as a sideline reporter and I was out here wishing I was with her. There is something about her presence that is so comforting to me. Maybe it was her eyes that always seemed to see things for better than they are. Or maybe it's the way she thinks, how she can make any situation suck less. Every time I feel like I lose control or I can't go on she's there for me. Reminding me that I am loved and that I mean something to a lot of people. Maybe it's her fierce determination she carries around, like no matter what she's got my back. I feel safe when she's around and I've never felt like that with anyone before. I trusted her more than anyone in this world and it sucks to be at this restaurant and her not be there. I miss the times we ended up in a random bar at 2 am just talking about life. Things were so much more complicated now with feelings involved. I didn't even know what these feelings were.

I get broken out of my trance when I see her appear on the tv. My hands grip the table in front of me as I sit up in my seat.

"Excuse me, can you turn this tv up" I ask.

"Sure thing" the workers says as he grabs a remote. He turns the tv up and see that CBS was using her report for the game.

"The monsters of the midway look to continue their tear they've shown through the first three games of the season. While defense has never been this teams issue, the team has been without its top defensive players while still being able to strike fear into the most unshakeable quarterbacks hearts. Led by Urlacher the defense has had a turnover in each game so far this season. And with the return of Peanut it looks like these monsters just got a little more scary" she says.

"Is she new" she bartender asks.

"She just started covering the Bears in Chicago this year. The CBS air time is new" I admit.

"Maybe if they played her on CBS more then people would actually watch the game" he smirks as he looks behind me.

I look over my shoulder to see everyone near the TV eyeing her through the screen. Like me they were entranced to her curly brown hair and bright brown eyes. But unlike me they don't know her like I do. They don't know how she had to work her ass off to be on the TV right now and how much she loved this game.

"You think she fucks the guys on the team" one guy asks.

"I don't think there's many she hasn't" another guy adds on.

"Can you blame them" the first guy asks. "I mean a body like that is good for one thing."

"Wait isn't her brother on that team"another guy chimes in.

"Yeah but to be honest I wouldn't blame him" the second guy jokes.

After I throw up in my mouth I pay for my food and leave the place. Suddenly I lost my appetite.

I exit the establishment and decide to go for a walk. The words those guys say dance around in my head. And I can't be mad because I think the same way sometimes. I see a pretty girl I make a comment I about it. Never really thinking about what she had to do to get to this point in her life. Getting upset because those guys were being drunk slobs isn't going to change a thing. No matter what I do to make sure she is happy and successful there are going to be people out there who don't care to know her in the way I have. She's just another pretty face on the tv screen to them. And having to hear that killed me, I can only imagine what she goes through.

I head back to the hotel room and crawl into bed. I can hear some guys in the room next to me playing a card game and drinking. Joining wasn't really a option for they're rather incompetent when we travel and don't have a game the next day. So I wait by my phone for Sophie to call after she get done with work.

A little before midnight my phone rings and I happily answer it. I've never waited by my phone for someone before but there's a first time for everything.

"They showed you on CBS" I let her know as she gasps a little.

"Seriously" she asks.

"Yeah. You made quite the impression on the guys out here in Jersey" I claims.

"What does that mean" she questions.

"Nothing. Just that you're a very impressionable woman" I try.

"Are you saying that they think I'm hot" she accuses as my cheeks grow red. Thank god we weren't face timing right now.

"No-"I start before I really think about it. "Well, yeah. I guess I am" I admit.

"And how would you know that" she asks me.

"Drunk guys don't know how to talk softly. And when you're the only on one tv but everyone's eyes in on that tv it's kind of hard not to notice" I defend.

"At least I'm not being exploited because of my family" she tries.

"I'm not sure this is much better" I insist.

"To me it is. Because going into this I knew I would be objectified. Especially in places like that where they see my last name and say I'm just here for my brother. But people here know I was around first and that I love my job. So those guys can say what they want. I don't care. What matters most is the opinions of those I hold close to me. Like you" she says.

"Well I think you're a kick ass reporter and one hell of a person. It sucks they won't know you in the way I do but I do feel pretty good knowing that you're the one person in my life that cares for me as much as I care for them" I admit.

"And that's all the matters" she promises.