Shadows (Patrick Kane)

(30) From A Distance

Patrick

Now that September is here I get back on the ice and continue my training. I've been getting my body right off the ice and now it's time to focus on my play and get ready for training camp. All the other guys are back in the city as we get ready for workouts and skills camps. A lot of the guys from last year were back and those guys almost made it to the Stanley Cup Finals. I truly believe that we will make it there again and if we do I want to make sure we go all the way this time.

And my least favorite part of it all was media day. A whole day dedicated to reminding me of how much I suck at this part of hockey. When you're growing up put on the ice there isn't a bunch of people down your throat when you're playing. It's just hockey. I'm more of a guy who lets his play do the talking, for I often times say the wrong thing. And not about hockey, I could tell you about every single player in this league and what hand they shoot with, their stats, teams they've been on. There's no play I can't recall and no player I don't know. But the media never seems to ask about that. It's "how does your off ice issues stop you from playing better" or "what's wrong with you". At least this year I know I got one person on my side.

"So your lady friend is now a sideline reporter for NBCSN" Jonny asks me and I nod. She was off in the corner in front of a camera talking to Joel looking painfully good. I can just feel her presence in this room.

"Yup. She's covering us and the Bears this year" I tell him.

"That's kinda cool. Didn't know you had it in you" he claims.

"Had it in me to what" I wonder carefully. He is all about the hard truths.

"To stand by someone and trust them. Let them in. That fact shes still around and you haven't made it messy is a miracle in itself. I for sure thought you were going to die alone" he claims.

"Well thanks for that" I scoff.

"You know I love you like a brother. You and I have been through it all together. And no matter what I know that in the end your name and mine will be synonymous. And I'm okay with that because despite what you think I think about you I know you're a good guy. And I'm happy I got stuck with you" he says.

"Wow Jon, that was almost sweet" I tease.

"Don't get used to it" he laughs.

We go through the media and I get to poke a little fun at Sophie. She looked stunning in a red skirt and a black top. Her hair nice and curly just the way she likes it. I walk over to her and pull her into a hug.

"Look at you all big time" I say.

"Well your friends are making it easy for me. You wouldn't have anything to do with that do you" she accuses.

"Nope. I told you I wouldn't meddle with this and they had no idea you were going to be here today. Didn't even say anything to the great Jonathan Toews" I admit.

"Mhmm" she mumbles.

"I'm serious! Don't you trust me" I ask.

"I trust you. I also know you" she teases.

"That you do" I smile.

"You up for some drinks after this" she wonders.

"Yeah I'm gonna need it. I'll pick you up" I ask.

"I'm there" she smiles.

So we get through the day and we're finally released. It was kinda cool to see Sophia on the job, doing something that she has worked hard for and enjoys. I change into something that's not a suit and tie and mess up my hair a little. I was all ready to forget all about today.

I swoop up Sophia and we drive out to a club. A little nicer than a bar but we don't want to get tired of all the bars before the season starts. So we drive a little further and let the music take over.

"How do I get close
When she looks like an angel
A moment of her time just seems impossible to me
It's hard to find the words, to get to know this stranger
I'm scared of what she'll say if what I say sounds incomplete

And it feels like we belong together
Can someone tell me where do I start

Cause, I can't keep on feelin' the way I do
I can't keep on, hiding my heart from you
I got to say something before
Someone else comes through,
I can't keep on loving you,
From a distance."

I reach over and grab Sophia's hand before lacing her fingers through mine. I rest our hands in between us making her smile at me. I know that this... whatever this is... it's worth it. The feeling that I get from her hand in mine was indescribable. Irreplaceable. And I think she knew that. But we were both afraid to call it what it is.

"She's always on my mind, there's no room left for thinking
I'm tired of waiting slowly fading at least I'm happy now
Cause I'm running out of time, and I feel this ship is sinking
The doors are closing I am frozen I need her around

And it feels like we belong together
Can someone tell me where do I start

Cause, I can't keep on feelin' the way I do
And I can't keep on, hiding my heart from you
I got to say something before
Someone else comes through,
I can't keep on loving you,
From a distance
From a distance
From a distance
From a distance
I can't hide."

I feel my heart start to beat harder and harder as I pull up to a red light. I wished like hell this all made sense. But it never did. I keep telling myself when I need it most that everything will focus and it won't be so blurred. But I'm not so sure it's that simple. Never was with her. I just know that me, my feelings are changing. And I want a relationship that is more than friends with benifits with this girl. I care about her more deeply than either of us realize. And I hope one day I won't be the guy stuck loving her from a distance.

"I can't keep on feelin' the way I do
And I can't keep on, hiding my heart from you
I got to say something before
Someone else comes through,
Cause I can't keep on loving you,
I can't keep on loving you from a distance."