Shadows (Patrick Kane)

(4) Alone With You

Sophia

Sports is a driving force for many people. Especially in a city like Chicago where you have the founder of the NFL and a original six NHL franchise and a baseball team who has been in the same place for over 100 years. Where so many historical sports moments take place, where so many of the worlds best athletes reside. I myself was a big sports fan but being from Denver I don't have a lot of hockey knowledge. The Avs weren't all that big when I lived there, the Broncos were. So I knew of them but never took the time to learn the sport.

But thanks to Patrick I've been getting into hockey. I've watched his games on tv and did some googling. I see just how big of a deal he was and a familiar feeling takes over. The feeling of a sport becoming more important than me and there wasn't really much I could do about it.

"Did you watch any hockey before you met me" Patrick asks me.

"I mean, kind of" I shrug. "When I got older and away from Denver my interests moved around a lot too so I never really picked up a hockey team. I followed the playoffs and I knew who you were from just being around the city for a few months. I know about the United Center and some things the Blackhawks have done but I wouldn't say that I watched a lot of hockey" I admit.

"You were more into football, right" he asks.

I smile because I didn't think he would have remembered that. I told him about my love for football one of the first days we hung out and haven't talked about it since. But it's good to know he listens. "I was. My dad played in the NFL and my brother is playing in college right now hoping to play in the NFL next season" I explain.

"Who's your dad, have I heard of him" he wonders.

"Probably. It's John Elway" I reply to which Patrick nearly choked.

"What!? How could you not have told me this" he asks.

"Does it matter" I shrug.

"Not to our friendship no, but if that was my dad I would be telling everyone" he admits.

"I mean I don't see him a lot anymore. In fact I didn't see him much when I was little either. I'm a grown woman, his oldest kid, I don't need him for much of anything. We talk like once a week and that's about it. As he jumped from wife to wife trying to figure out what kind of husband he was it never crossed his mind the kind of father he was to me and Henry. I followed him around for years, a cute face to put in the papers. I don't think I have ever had a actual conversation with him like I have with you. He just sends me the money and a "I love you" text then he's off doing something with his team now that he helps run the Broncos. He wasn't exactly around when I was growing up so I don't know what to tell you" I shrug.

"Oh" he says softly. "I had no idea. But I still feel like a idiot. I'm over here complaining about being a professional athlete and you've already been through this" he says.

"I have. But you're not like my dad. My dad didn't care about anything really, not even football. He did it because he was good at it, and he could have been one of the greatest but he couldn't figure it out. Always thought football owed him something but it never did. At least you have a drive and a passion for the game. Even if how the games are being played and what the games mean to you isn't what it used to be the sport is still the number one thing in your life. You don't act like the world owes you, you go out and show the world what makes you great. And you keep playing with the same drive and determination even though you feel lost. There is something that keeps you motivated even when you feel like you're losing your touch. He never had that, he stayed in Denver for 16 seasons never playing for anyone else, never wondering what more there was to this life. There's no olympics or tournaments for football, all you have is the NFL. Then he stayed and managed there even after the sport stopped caring about him. And that's the most commitment you will ever see out of him" I scoff.

"Do you not get along with him, is that why you don't talk about him" he asks.

"We get along swell. He helps me when I need it, I show up at all his charity events and for some holidays here and there. But I was daddy's little princess, a pretty face to show off now and again, nothing more.

But not my brother Henry, no, he got to play football so he could grow up to be just like dad. His pride and joy. He is a gifted player and many teams will be lucky to have him. A lot of what made my dad arrogant, Henry doesn't have. He's a good kid but he's already too far in. Dads got his life thrown away before he ever got the chance to live. Henry will go in the first round just like dad and carry on the tradition of the great John Elway. And I'm expected to be the pretty one sitting there at home waiting to congratulate them once they get back, never amounting to anything for myself.

But I can't live that way. I can't stay in the shadows when there's so much sun" I explain.

"Have you told him this" he wonders.

I just sigh as I slowly shake my head. "No" I admit. "I honestly haven't told anyone besides you. He keeps sending me money hoping it'll patch our wounds and I keep taking it knowing that it doesn't change a damn thing. I go so many places looking for a purpose like my dad and my brother has. But I think I'm more like my mom, out looking for something that doesn't even exist" I say.

"Do you miss her" he wonders.

"Sometimes I do. I mean I get why she left. They had been together since high school and his fame was rising causing a toll on her. Some people don't want that kind of attention. I know my mother loved us but not enough to push away everything we had to do in order to be this picture perfect family.

I don't hate her for leaving or for not taking me with her. Really I don't know how I feel about her. Like if showed up what I would say? I could never hate someone, I don't see the point. But I wish I could have some answers, some closure as to why she never came back for us or why she didn't even say goodbye. How she could pack up one night and never come home.

Maybe something happened between her and dad that I didn't know about. I'm sure he cheated, that's how his other marriages ended. But I'm not sure I'll ever know what happened or why it did" I shrug.

"I'm so sorry Posy" he says and I stop. I look up at him before I smile a little.

"My mom used to call me that" I remember.

"I won't call you that if you don't like it" he assures me.

"No need. I like the way you say it" I admit.

"We're a pretty messed up pair aren't we" he notices and I laugh dryly.

"I guess we are" I agree. "But it's nice not having to fake being happy around you. You don't expect more from me than who I am. You've accepted me and my dreams and it's... it's nice. To have someone you can trust in the way I trust you" I admit.

"I know what you mean. I felt all alone in this world. But being alone with you is just fine with me" he claims.

"I wish I knew what this all meant" I sigh.

"I think it means that no matter what happens we will always have each other. And that's pretty cool" he admits.

"I think so hockey man" I smile.