Shadows (Patrick Kane)

(65) Broken Rules

Patrick

As March rounds out I was doing a lot better with my arm. The sling was gone and thanks to physical therapy I can move it pretty well. It's still not comfortable, and it might never feel like it did ever again. But I can live with that. There's still a chance for me to have a successful career after the fact and that's exactly what I plan on doing.

But right now there isn't much I can do when it came to the game of hockey. Bones heal on their own but only so quickly. So I can live my life so long as I don't do too much to irritate it.

Sophia and I arrive in Australia at the end of March as planned. Though things were a bit dicey there this was always the plan and I'm happy we could make up before being stuck together. I know she's still upset with me and part of her is still hurt. I know I can't change that. But this vacation couldn't have come at a better time.

The first day was spent catching up on sleep because the jet lag was real. So I relax in our new home for the time being making sure I didn't forget anything. We got our money transferred to Australian currency and picked up the car. There was a lot of fun things planned but until we catch up on some sleep there wouldn't be much enjoyment.

"How's your arm" Sophia asks for the millions time as we lay in bed. My eyes roll to the back of my head before I turn to her.

"Still fine" I insist.

"I'm going to have millions of people on my ass if I bring you back to Chicago in worse position than you left" she reminds me.

"I'm fine. Tired, but just fine" I assure her.

"Okay, then lets rest for a while. We can order some room service, you have to try fantales. They're absolutely amazing. We're not supposed to bring food out of different countries but I have smuggled them home a few times on the planes" she smiles.

"You not following the rules? Never would have guessed" I joke as she chuckles along.

"Some rules are meant to be broken" she claims.

"How do you know the ones to break and the ones to keep" I wonder.

"The rules that don't hurt people can be broken. Like taking more than one fortune cookie from a Chinese restaurant and leaving your shopping cart in the middle of the isle even though people are still trying to get by. Sure things like that is annoying as hell but no one gets hurt. It's not like ghosting someone or not giving your seat up on the bus for someone who needs it. The line between breaking the rules and being a asshole is thin but it's definite. Don't hurt people and you'll be fine" she claims.

"What about rules you make for yourself like quitting smoking or not drinking or not falling in love" I try.

She lifts her head as she looks at me questionably. "You think smoking addiction and alcoholism is as bad as falling in love" she asks making me chuckle.

"Well no. But it's defiantly something I told myself I wouldn't ever get caught up in. And breaking that might get someone hurt, but it could also be the best thing that ever happened to me" I admit.

A soft sigh passes her lips as she shrugs. "That's harder to say. There's no real measurement of love and no two lives are the same. So what makes the risks worth it? How would you know when the love is good and when it has run out? In the end someone usually gets hurt but at what point is it worth it" she wonders.

"I'm not sure Posey. I'm afraid I have as many questions as you do. Questions where the answers aren't as simple as I do or I don't. There is or there isn't. Love can sometimes disguise itself as other things. It's not as easy to tell.

But how can we tell the good love from the bad? Which rules of love we can break and which ones not" I think out loud.

"I think it comes down to the same thing as always. Who gets hurt in the end" she tries.

"Doesn't everyone usually get hurt" I say.

"In my experiences yeah. But it doesn't have to be like that. In a way every love is dangerous because of how much of yourself you put out there. You're exposed, someone knows every little thing about you and that's scary. What you're willing to do to keep that love, even more so. But it doesn't have to hurt. The trust and respect you have for those you love is beautiful. It doesn't have to be all good all the time but there needs to be some sort of sign that even the bad isn't that bad" she explains.

"I guess I've never thought of it that way" I admit.

"Have you ever been in love" she wonders.

I think carefully as to let her know what I feel without scaring her off. "Only once. I mean I have my family and hockey that I love dearly. I adore every single one of my friends. But that's not the kind of love you fall into" I start.

"And what kind of love did you fall into" she asks.

"The scary kind. The kind that you will do anything to keep around, even if it's not the right thing to do. And it's soft, so many moments that are kind and loving. It wasn't perfect, and I made mistakes. Many that I never should have. But you do dumb things when you're in love. Things that break unwritten rules like the one we were talking about earlier. And like you said there's so much more good things that happens when I am in love. I loved waking up every day excited to see her. I loved the little moments we shared where her eyes met mine and for a second everything was perfect. Even in days of haze she was so clear. It was bliss" I admit.

"It sounded like a wonderful time" Sophia claims.

"I never said it stopped" I say.

She freezes for a second as she looks up at me with her tired eyes. The ends of her lips begin to curl up as she moves in closer.

Neither of us say anything else a little scared to say something we can't take back. Instead we sit in silence in hope that this love we think of is enough. Enough to keep our heads above the water. Enough to keep us together when things are constantly pulling us apart.

And I believed it was enough. I wouldn't be here with her in the one place in the world we would run away to if I didn't.